For Matthew

Sometimes you can't let the pain in. You hear some news that hurts your heart until you physically feel the pain trying to tear out of your chest, but you can't let it take you over because you have to remember you have a baby to protect.

When you have been through loss and pain and struggle, and you bond with others, you intimately feel their hurt and love with every thought and breath. No matter what you have been through though, you can't imagine what it is like for them as they fight their way through this battle.

All you can do is pray. Pray like crazy and hope beyond hope that miracles happen and that they find the strength to make it through.

Today another life went home to heaven, but I still can’t wrap my brain around the unfairness of it all. How such kind people that I know have to go through tragedy over and over again. I know there is a plan for everyone and something great is in their future, but is it truly necessary to inflict this much pain and heartbreak on such good people?

I am no one to question God, and I pray that he gives this family peace and strength and shows them his light and love on a path riddled with trials. I pray that Matthew Finley is with his sister Katie Jane in heaven watching over their parents with pride and love at the lives they were almost given and they know above all else, that their parents loved them more than anything in the world. People all over the world who have followed their short journeys continue to love and pray for them and their parents.

I am truly heartbroken by the news. I just want to snuggle in with my arms wrapped around my own baby and know that he/she is safe and healthy inside and that I will meet a happy baby in March. I know it is all out of our control but I can’t help but feel this pain intimately. I have known so many to suffer loss halfway through and I grieve with them. This is just a reminder of all those who have come before and I can’t help but grieve all over for all of them.

To all of you who have been through loss, I am thinking of you today. Today I will shed tears for all the babies I know who are playing with the angels. Today, I cry for sweet TW’s family and precious baby Matthew Finley. I will laugh for the joy and hope that these babies brought to their parents even if only for mere moments in time. I will smile for the hearts they have touched in their short existences. I will remember for they will never be forgotten and will always be a light shining in this world for many people. Today, I will pray for those families who grieve and hope God grants them peace and strength. Tonight, when I lay down to sleep, I will dream of these beautiful children who have gone before us, playing in a meadow on a beautiful day, forever free and happy knowing only that they have been loved so deeply, no harm from this world can ever touch them. They will never know the pain we know, the horrors of the world, the uncertainty of future, the anguish of struggle and loss. They will know only of the feelings of absolute love they experienced in their few moments, and the happiness of the place they are in now.