A few Ways I can help others

I support charity. I was instilled growing up that we should help others. In high school I was a part of the Anchor club. We made an effort to work with senior citizens to bring cheer and recognition to them through delivering bags of goodies and hosting an old fashioned senior’s prom in our gym.

In College, I joined Gamma Sigma Sigma a sorority dedicated to service through various activities such as helping the Humane Society, Kid’s Identification programs etc.

All through my youth, my church Youth Group participated in events such as Prisoner Missions etc.

As an adult, I gave back for several years through Animal Rescue mostly with horse rescue through NCERL and then USERL. In addition, I would donate to worthy causes (sponsoring Marathon runners/walkers, Angel Trees, Toys for Tots campaigns). Every stage of my life, has involved a new way to give back based on what my current priorities and involvements are.

While it is nice to have one cause near and dear to your heart (for me animal rescue will always be a priority) I think its also important to help out any time you get the opportunity. With my current focus on fitness, leading an active life and teaching my son the values of activity and charity, I’ve decided the best thing for me is to participate in 5k’s. Not only does it keep me motivated and moving but it helps out a good cause.

I’ve found that not only do I help myself and charities but I motivate others to get active as well as raise money. What better way to help than to get my friends and family healthy and motivated, promote community and activity, and raise money for beneficial organizations?

What will you do this year?

Ruffley Birthday Dreams

My birthday has slipped into obscurity. Seven years ago, my nephew was born the day before my birthday. Since then my birthday with my family has been celebrated with a card and a Happy Birthday while attending a child’s party.

Last year, my son was born the day before my birthday (he share’s a birthday with his cousin now). A balloon and a piece of cake from the Hospital Kitchen were my birthday recognition. My son is the best birthday present I could ever receive but I know the future does not hold any individual acknowledgement for my birthday. Especially this year since my birthday falls on Easter Sunday.

The family will have a traditional Easter Lunch following a Saturday of rushing from one Birthday party to another. Where would there be time to fit in something special for my birthday in a crazy weekend like that? It’s fine. Now that I am getting older, I half don’t want to acknowledge my birthday anyway.

More than anything this year, I just want to FEEL pretty and active for my birthday. That’s not something that can be wrapped and given over a dinner. I would love to be able to don a new Easter dress complete with Ruffles and pearls. Something super frilly and feminine that actually looks good on me.

I would like to have achieved goals and feel successful for my birthday. These are things I can give myself and I am actively pursuing those feelings. I am walking. I have signed up for two 5K’s. I’m eating healthier. One will be the weekend BEFORE my birthday and one TWO weeks AFTER my Birthday.

I hope to have my Nikon before my birthday and be actively taking nature walks and documenting my activity while practicing photography. Maybe, just maybe, I will have toned up and lost enough weight that I can buy a pretty frilly Easter dress to make my birthday wishes come true.

Toddler Drugs

Statistics show that any TV under the age of two is inappropriate. They site very impressive sounding studies about children’s inability to process the information therefore belying any affects even the educational shows may have (yay, points for not watching DORA!) etc. etc.

I get that. We watch too much TV in my house and I don’t want my child developing those bad habits (which is going to be interesting since I have to first CONQUER my husband’s bad habits!) Let’s be realistic though. A child is going to notice the TV at some point or the other, just like they notice a moving bright colored ball, or a ceiling fan. So if they have a 5 minute attention span, why not let them enjoy something that makes them smile or they respond to.

Occasionally, a 10 minute break for mom and dad so they can finish putting their pants on correctly in the mornings before work is just as much a necessity as coffee and after work baby snuggles. In that spirit, we tried a Baby Einstein DVD. Matthew didn’t look at it for even a second.

Along came the Gigglebellies. Bright pastel animals and overblown backgrounds that make your eyes bleed with jaunty little tunes. MY SON IS OBSESSED. I swear he inherited some iffy genes from my husband’s drug days because obviously the people who came up with this shit were hardcore tripping on acid.

I can’t believe my son likes these little 5 minute clips (nor that a 30 minute video costs $15.99!) but so far, they are the absolutely only thing that captures his attention as far as TV goes and he will happily sit still for 30 minutes and watch every second of that floating purple and pink elephant if we let him. Due to the obsession potential we keep it to a minimum of one or two clips every few weeks. Gigglebellies: the early gateway drug.

Creepy Creepy Toys are Sneaky

In a previous post about toys, I mentioned the little V-Tech ball. This thing is creepy yo. A brightly colored ball with all kinds of fun educational buttons to teach you animal sounds, numbers, colors, shapes and all in a little high pitched voice. It vibrates and rolls and talks and tumbles…even when you aren’t playing with it.

That’s right. When the short attention span of a child loses interest in this little wonder and crawls away to attack a Chuck the Truck, the ball rolls around, taunting in a sing song voice “come play with me!” Sometimes it succeeds in attracting his attention and he may crawl back for a moment but mostly it just scares the cat.

Every night, when I pick up the toys after he has gone to bed, I place that ball in a basket hoping it won’t get pulled out again. I turn it off. A few days later, its on the floor amidst an avalanche of toys, rolling around, taunting me.
Could we convince V-Tech to reduce the creep factor, just by a little. Seriously.

If My Parents Only Knew....Blog Dare

I always suspected that my parents knew I smoked but I always had a ready excuse handy. Looking back I feel bad for lying and continuing that deception for years. I think I finally lit up in front of them in my mid-20’s after a decade of smoking.

The look in their eyes shamed me. They were hurt and disgusted. I had never done anything that had so disappointed them than puffing that cigarette. I never smoked in front of them much, but when you work on a farm all day, and are exhausted, your craving finally gets the better of you.

My sister and I both smoked and were married/engaged to smokers. My parents have never smoked. It created an odd dynamic. I quit a few years later (I’ve been smoke free for three years) when we prepared to have children. (Yep, that's me on my wedding day, lighting up after saying my vowels....looking back it makes me so ugly) My husband quit as well so we have a smoke free house now and even have friends who don’t smoke. There for awhile it seemed everyone around us smoked. Now we surround ourselves with nonsmokers. It’s easier to manage those haunting desires and better for Matthew.

If my parents ever knew without a doubt that I was a full time smoker when I was in highschool they never said and never tried to punish me for it. I don’t know what would have happened if I had revealed it then. I still live with the shame I saw in their eyes and I was an adult. I can only imagine it would have been more traumatizing for me as a teenager who was seeking their approval at all times to see the disgust but maybe I would have quit (I was a pleaser back then).

I’m happy our relationship is back to respect and enjoyment. I no longer get the cutting looks when I slip outside at family gatherings. Every now and again, our previous habits are mentioned and that disgust filters into the tone of voice. I wince but focus on the praise for our quitting.

Sometimes we aren’t always what our parents expect us to be. I wasn’t that bad looking back, but the few things that would have ripped their hearts out, terrify me looking to the future with my son.

The Best Toys Don't Make Noise

Today we are bombarded with toys of every shape, color and size imaginable. Loud noisemakers that carry on by themselves when no one is in the room (seriously that Vtech ball that rolls around and says “come play with me” in a scary high mechanical voice is effing creepy ya’ll), toy centers the size of a walk-in closet, and remote control everything for 1 year olds! I’m glad to see that it’s the simple toys I remember fondly from childhood that my son prefers.

The toy rings on a stick that everyone including cavemen (I’m sure it wasn’t made of plastic but once the wheel was invented I can guarantee they had this toy!) has enjoyed growing up. Since the introduction of plastic, even the colors remain the same. A simple device that attracts the young, enhances motor skills and brings a tear of nostalgia to any parent’s eye.

The moments sitting on his bedroom floor, after his evening bath, while he is fresh and clean with damp hair, sleepy eyes, and a cherubic smile, will be treasured forever. In each of those memories will be the sweet little rings clasped in a chubby hand as he meticulously tries to get it on the stick. His achievements cheered on by this proud mama who melts when he looks up at me with a toothy grin and claps his hands in response to my “yay! Good job!”

It’s not the loud flashing lights, bells and whistles, high-tech toys that we will remember, but the same simple toys from our generation and the generation before that capture our childrens’ hearts and are held on to for our grandchildren.

Photo Credit

What I shouldn't Have Bought-Blog Dare

I think we all do it and we all end up with it at some point, especially during the Holidays. We overspend, get sucked into marketing gimmicks, and end up with buyer’s remorse. No matter how hard I try, when it comes to the holidays, I overspend. Or more accurately, I give into my husband who overspends. I try to make sure everyone has something, and I stress myself out where there is often no need to do so.

Rather than one particular gift or item this year, there are a number of mistakes I can pinpoint. I shouldn’t have made so many trips to Starbucks. Not only did all those Peppermint Mochas blow the budget but they contributed to the 5lbs I didn’t need to gain. It’s those unexpected small purchases that get me. (Out later than normal, stop and pick up dinner…bam, grocery budget is blown).

I have a very bad habit of feeling guilt over what I own when times are tough. When faced with a credit card bill, I immediately wish I had not gotten anything for Christmas. As if those few purchases my husband made for me, would make the credit card bill vanish. The thing is…what I had under the tree would make very little difference but when I had a legitimate excuse to take something back (the Teflon was scratched), I didn’t exchange it but got the money back. So then I hurt my husband’s feelings but I just get so overwhelmed with the money issues.

I’m not quite sure he really understands how much the money matters stress me out. Maybe it’s because I’m the one that has to do the budget. I pay all the bills, buy the groceries, pay the daycare, and watch the bank account like a hawk. So I see how much money goes out, and how much we aren’t saving, aren’t putting towards a new deck, paying off the loan on the new roof. I literally make myself sick over money all the time, but I feel like an ogre when I say NO on a purchase and usually give in so that I suffer in silence when the pressure of the bills gets to me.

We do okay, but I would like more security in the form of a more diverse portfolio, a higher amount in savings, etc. etc. This is actually the first year we have used credit cards for Christmas in the past 5, and I’m definitely regretting that decision as I know things always come up and our plan to have them paid off within two months will never work out. I second guess myself all the time and regret decisions that are already done.

I used to be a secure person, quick decisions, confident. I’m not sure if it’s the addition of a child/household/etc. but I seem to become less decisive and more intimidated by my own decisions as time goes by. Thus adding to my stress when it comes to the finances. Maybe it’s because I have so much more to lose now. It used to only be me; now it’s my husband, child, house, cars etc. All the responsibility that requires money is overwhelmingly weighing on my shoulders.

So when looking back at the Holiday’s, I have many regrets (none of which involve my son’s gifts) most of which are out of my control or silly. The lesson I have learned though, finally, is to spread the gifting out through the year, save more specifically for the Holidays and go back to making some gifts homemade. I never regret the ones that take more of my time than money. I have this fear that if I don’t get to shop between Thanksgiving and Christmas for gifts, it won’t feel like Christmas. I think its time for new traditions: watching silly Claymation movies with my son, decorating cookies, going to a local church’s Christmas pageant and writing letters to Santa. There should be way less remorse that way when the Holidays are over.

Bucket List 2012-Blog Dare

I don’t have a Bucket List per say. I guess everyone has one in their head, the things they say they will do one day (like visit Ireland) but are not on a priority list. I tend to live in the now, planning for the next thing as it comes my way: plans for weeks, months, the year at the most.

I’ve done the typical New Year’s resolutions of dieting, getting fit, exercise, etc. but this year my goal is to get organized. If I could spend less time trying to clean up, find things etc. I could find more time to actually do things (like exercising etc.). So in that spirit, I’ve made a Bucket list for 2012 of things I want to accomplish in my new organized life:

Turn Drink Boxes (lord knows we have enough of them) into Can organizers as seen on Pinterest for my Pantry.

Develop a plan (and stick to it) for accomplishing mundane chores to leave more time to enjoy my family (rather than spending the majority of the weekend cleaning!

Downsize our THINGS so there is less to clean (and clean around). Simplicity is the key to an organized and clean house I think.

Decorate for Valentines Day-I’ve never spent much time on Valentine’s other than preparing my husbands favorite foods or a fancy dinner. This year, I think I would like to do some simple decorations and have a date with my husband: GO OUT TO DINNER and splurge on a babysitter (My how things change when kids come a long).

Lose the baby weight. You know, that 22-25 pounds that stubbornly hangs on. I want to fit in more time to work out and be a more active family period.

Throw a magnificent Babyshower for Tonya-As my friends get older and all settle in, I have fewer and fewer chances to throw bridal showers, babyshowers etc. so I seize the opportunity anytime I am faced with it.

Successfully pull off a fun 1st Birthday Party for Matthew. Yes, I abhor over the top children’s parties because how much does a child remember or appreciate it? Well, they love it on the actual day but who are we kidding? This is all about me and my penchant for party throwing. Any excuse to deck my walls and order invites from Etsy…mmkay?

Finally get my NIKON DSLR (and learn how to use it) so I can start taking decent pictures with all these wonderful ideas I have and snitch from Pinterest. My kid is adorable….I need good pictures without going broke paying professionals all the time!

Take a vacation. Even if it’s just a weekend, at the beach. I want to go somewhere with my husband (and kiddo) to see something new and say “WE went HERE on our 2012 Vacation”.

Throw my traditional July 4th Pool Party this year. Last summer was a bit off but I’m determined to make this one a fun and active one for Matthew (as well as myself).

Successfully Continue Craft Night through the year- so many things I want to make and try plus I would love to have an almost entirely homemade Christmas next year (buying only toys for the kids). In order to do that, I need to work on things all year long so to keep my motivation and encourage the use of Pinterest—Craft Night at my house every few weeks!

Start my Business.-I’m an entrepreneur from a long line of entrepreneurs. My family has always owned businesses and latched onto ideas for profit: Building caskets in the basement, building sawmill machinery, farming, horse boarding, catering. You name it, someone in my family has probably done it or tried it. I know I am destined to own my own business and I have a lovely idea but I am in the beginning stages of formulating my business plan, creating samples, checking into license infringement and patents. It’s hard to be gung ho about something and have to wait through a drawn out process. Hopefully my momentum won’t fizzle under a mound of paperwork.

Make a Homemade Christmas for our House: Stockings, tree skirts, runner for entertainment center, Christmas pillows and cushions for bench, housecoat and apron for me.

Keep my Garden pretty and weed free this year. Last year I was heavily pregnant during the time to prepare garden and had a wee infant through most of the season, so my garden was the worst disaster it has ever been. This year, I’m hoping my toddler will enjoy playing in the dirt and that I will be able to tend my garden and can foods again as I have truly missed my home canned goods this winter.

Use my pool. It costs on average: $437.50 per month to keep our large in ground pool running and clean. Last year, I got in it a total of FOUR times. No one came over. None of my friends that I offered it up to took advantage of it. It was always raining on the weekends. So basically we spent a crap ton of money for a pretty blue pond to look at from the dining room window. I vow to use it this year-someway, somehow. My son ADORES the water. He loved being in it last year when he was but a wee thing that could barely splash. Bath time is his favorite activity of the day. I will make sure he gets plenty of pool time this year!

Stay on top of the yard work. Our yard really got away from us last year. At different points, we hired two different yard guys to help us manage but that gets expensive and only covers the basics. I know Matt won’t be old enough to allow for major landscaping work, and Stephen is still in school so time is still limited but hopefully we will manage to keep it neat and tidy because the stress of worrying about it was nearly my undoing last year.

Most Important: WALLOW in my family time. Enjoy every second of watching my son grow. There will never be another summer of exploration and newness like this one for him. There will never be another year of firsts when he’s so eager to try things and yet still likes to curl into my lap for a nap. I want to remember to enjoy every second I have with him as well as being together as a family.

Social Media Maven-Blog Dare 2012

Sometimes I want to give it all up: blogging, twitter, Facebook, email. Just disconnect from the world. The people I’ve never met, the friends who have become faceless names behind computers because IRL interaction is apparently a thing of the past. It just seems so impersonal.
Other times, I think I want to delve into it with wild abandon so I don’t feel so closeted off. Outside of work my entire world is my family. It seems I have time for nothing else hardly. Then I realize that being a social media mom has made me completely self absorbed. I don’t mean to be. I try and make efforts to hang with friends etc. but then I realize it has been awhile (of course they haven’t made an effort either so they are probably in a self absorbed state as well.)
I don’t have much computer time but my blog is set to automatic twitter updates-so basically I only tweet my posts most of the time- SOCIAL MEDIA FAIL
I blog and read other blogs but I don’t comment due to time and a Google Glitch (as in Google hates me and won’t let me do it on blogs that don’t have other options)
I text about my kid but rarely just a how are you. I know how you are… I read Facebook.
I make obnoxious comments about my life, post pictures, read status updates and exit Facebook…no need to contact anyone now…thanks Facebook.
I notice people don’t meet for coffee anymore. They sit alone and use social media…(so why bother going to Starbucks?)
Political Pundits have become rampant regurgitating trash based on fiction rather than truth.
People think they are more informed thanks to social media but they are more misinformed than ever.
On days I disconnect, I feel full of life, but I feel isolated. On days I tune in, I feel social but guilty about undone chores and less time with my baby.
Where is the balance we once had? It’s no longer 8 hours work, 8 hours play, 8 hours sleep. It’s 1 hour commute, 9 hours work, 3-4 hours home chores and family time, 2 hours errands, 2 hours preparing for the next day and 5 hours of sleep.
We are losing social bits of society by hiding behind computer screens because of our workloads. Not to mention we tap in on the go with our I-phones, tablets etc. People have a false sense of feeling connected. They know what’s going on with their friends but no longer finesse relationships that precipitate 2am emergency crying jags in person when in need of comfort. Now people boot up and pour their hearts out to chat boards or private Facebook groups.
Where are the comfort, the skin to skin contact, and the love and affection? Even kids are resorting to online lives with cyber bullying, Facebook cliques, and chatting. What are we teaching our children? Will the next generation be a society of non reproducing narcissistic hermits? Will the internet be the eventual end of human society (or at least the free world version that embraces everything unfettered and controlled)?
And yet in 2012, I wish to embrace technology by using the tools: Facebook, Twitter, Blog, Blog Groups, etc. to test my writing, explore options, and connect with moms like me who I might not meet otherwise. I would like to attract more readers, more relationships, (more parenting advice!) and (gasp) maybe even an advertiser or two so I can develop my online personality. (See not only am I self-absorbed but an oxymoron as well! That’s talent folks!)