I knew that yesterday they took sweet Aidan (born at 28 weeks, and only 8 days old) off life support. Somehow I blocked out the inevitable because I've cried for so many babies lately.
This morning, I know, its over. Aidan has past and a family who fought for so long cries. Aidan was a fighter and he left his mark on so many people just as so many babies in our "set" has before.
His passing reminds me of the twin boys that passed just one month ago and Jillian who passed just two months ago. I feel like an ass for being pissed off at my chart and body when these are so much more tragic events that break my heart.
I try to think that there is a special place in heaven that this souls all come together to play and watch over the families they left behind and that my little Bee is with them but mornings like this are hard because I don't understand it. And I'll never be okay with it.
I don't think any of us will ever understand or be ok with any of it. I do believe that all our unborn children are playing together and it is somewhat comforting, but I am selfish and I want them, still want them here with us.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad for being pissed at your body, it is just once again a reminder that your little one is gone and that we have to start this process over again.
Thank you for remembering my boys. It means a lot to me that they will be remembered. Would have been nice if some of my IRL friends had remembered and picked up the phone or sent and email.
take care,
j