Introducing HLB

Yesterday, was once again, amazing. They couldn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler so they sent me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound found it right away and there was my sweet babe sucking its thumb. When she pressed down with the ultrasound wand/thingie my feisty little babe reared back and kicked with all its might, both legs and butt in the air. Oh he/she was MAD! Heaven help us, s/he has my temper and Daddy’s long legs. At 11 weeks 5 days old, my babe has an attitude and does not like to be disturbed.

The very last image before she stopped was of a little perfect arm and hand waving goodbye. It was the most amazing thing. It felt like Christmas.

It is completely beyond my comprehension though that there can be THAT much movement and I feel NOTHING. It’s so bizarre to see that little image of this perfect little being with an attitude and not be able to feel it. It’s so surreal!

Menu Monday-It feels like Fall!

I don't know about you but I do most of my cooking in the cooler months. Fall is my favorite time of year and I can tell its almost here because my cooking bug is back for rich hearty stews/soups etc.

I spent this weekend making pear preserves and pear syrup (with the wonderful aid of my mother) so I'm pretty all set on that. Now I just need to do some apple butter and I'll be golden for the winter.

this weeks menu is ambitious considering my slackness in the past few weeks at anything remotely time consuming or passable as dinner. LOL

Fried Chicken with Green Bean casserole
Beef Stroganauff
Vegetable soup
White chicken Chili
Chicken and Mozzerella Skillet
Baked Potato soup

Inevitable Fear

I’m very nervous about today. Over the weekend, I had crazy diarrhea, not to mention excruciating back, neck and shoulder pain. Since yesterday the fear has crept back in and I’ve done everything to keep it at bay including ordering something for the baby as a sign I believe my baby is there and okay.

This morning though, things are not quite as defiantly hopeful. I got on the scale and I’m down two pounds, which means I weigh less than when I first got pregnant. I know that’s not atypical for the first tri due to morning sickness etc. but I ate this weekend. Heck, for dinner last night I had a piece of fried chicken and green bean casserole with a soda! I hope its just nerves and that everything is going to be beautiful and I will finally relax into this pregnancy. I said in the very beginning I was going to enjoy every moment with this baby in case it didn’t last and I have failed miserably because I keep expecting each moment to be the last.

I think if everything is fine today, I’m not holding back anymore. I’m going to go out and buy baby things. I’m so afraid to buy anything or to jinx myself and it can’t be healthy. I purchased a book last time for Bumblebee and shortly after I lost him. Maybe its bad form or me trying to be courageous in the face of adversity (my own thoughts) but I purchased a book for Ladybug last night. After today though? I’m buying whatever I want. A snuggly blanket, a stuffed animal, a sweet little sleeper with an owl on it. I can’t hold back in fear anymore. I can’t. I have to start treating this pregnancy like its going to make it to gain the confidence for it to actually do so.

In the back of my mind, I keep waiting for it to go wrong and I come up with all these reasons. The most recent: I’ve skipped church three weeks in a row so God is going to punish me. I KNOW this isn’t true but maybe it’s me trying to cast blame somewhere. I don’t know why I do this to myself when I could be more productive and make a happier healthier environment by just believing in myself and my body’s capability to hold life.

Locked and Loaded

Let’s talk about my nipples shall we, because frankly I’m obsessed with this topic? I’ve had the occasional problem with nipple hardness and tenderness. Last night however, they felt like someone was ripping them off. I literally sat with a heating pad across my breasts for an hour before I got some comfort.

This morning, they are at it again. Granted I sit underneath an air-conditioning unit at work but this is ridiculous. I have on a cable knit SWEATER (with it being 92 outside), a cotton t-shirt and a cotton seamless bra and they are already aching. It’s not even 9:30am. How am I supposed to get through the day dealing with this? I do not have a heating pad. I also work in a cramped little office with four men. It’s not like I can sit here holding my breasts or holding my shirt away from my breasts in front of them! Three of them don’t even know I’m pregnant (though they may be starting to suspect it)!

So here I sit miserably trying not to puke again. On top of that my gas is atrocious. I literally have gas bubbles rioting happily through my body. They occasionally exit, quite loudly and obnoxiously sometimes causing me to puke on top of it. For the most part though, they just make me feel like they are going to explode out of my stomach with their interpretation of Sigourney Weaver giving birth to an Alien circa 1988.

I’ve thus come to the conclusion, that the problems are not independent of each other. The GAS is trying to exit through my nipples in true torpedo titty style. I could take out half my coworkers in a blaze of glory that would be remembered in history books by firing rounds of gas bombs by cupping my breast and pointing my nipples! Maybe then I could gain some relief! I think the Second Amendment should be adjusted to include the right to “bare” breasts especially in war time situations.

If I am this run down to the point of wishing I had stayed home, how in the world am I going to make it through 3rd tri when I’m uncomfortable and exhausted? Is 3rd tri truly worse than 1st?

Catchup (or Ketchup) Fruit Pics

As Jeanna pointed out I am behind on updating my fruit pics. I do apologize but we were behind a bit in taking them as my schedule was differing from my photographer (the ever lovely Beth). We are caught up though and as we start incorporating Belly Pics soon we will be more diligent about taking them weekly. Promise. (my toes were crossed, just to warn you..LOL)

This weeks: Prune


Last Weeks: Olive


Week 8: Raspberry

HLB's Crib Yo (Recovered document YAY!)

My husband is obsessed with cribs. OBSESSED. He originally wanted this little cherry convertible number from BRU that had a detachable changing tray that becomes a side table. It progressed to looking at one in espresso and moved on from there.

At this point, I believe he has looked at every crib made by man in the past two years. We are limited by budget but also our desires. We are now leaning towards a convertible crib with a matching dresser that may or may not have a built in changing area on top of the dresser. Prefer black but cherry and maybe espresso are contenders. Beyond that, I pretty much have no say in the crib (at least that is what he thinks). Oh, he shows me the ones he likes and if I hate it, it’s a firm NO and he moves on but the ones he really loves (which are usually OKAY for me) he marks. I’m a stickler on price and I think that will be my ultimate downfall.

My darling husband, who has multiple holes in his pocket, and can’t save money at all, has been saving money behind my back. (We have a joint account and joint savings but he always takes money out before depositing the check for food/drinks/ incidentals as he travels daily to job sites.) I never know how much he keeps because he will work overtime here and there but he is consistent on the amount he deposits and keeps whatever is above that amount. In the short time we have known we are pregnant (so less than 7 weeks) he has managed to squirrel away $530 bucks from basically his LUNCH money. A) I’m extremely impressed at his commitment to buying the crib and dresser on his own. B) I’m starting to think I should see how much his checks are because he is obviously keeping way too much money –no wonder he’s gained so much weight! LOL (I kid, I kid, I’m not THAT controlling).

However, I have a feeling since he’s worked so hard to save this money (and skipped meals to do so) that if he falls in love with a crib, I’m going to have to live with it. I have mixed feelings on this. A) It’s my kid too, I should get some choice damn it B) Our tastes are actually pretty comparable when it comes to baby stuff so even if its not my favorite choice, I’m sure I will be okay with it C) He is so excited and into this one part of it that I kind of don’t want to take that from him. He is ADAMANT that we are buying the crib and that it will be a convertible so the furniture will be FROM us and GO WITH our child. I totally understand that sentiment. He is working so hard at the research (literally daily), the pricing, the saving, etc. that part of me wants it to be HIS thing. “Daddy picked out your furniture especially for you.”

So many guys are not into the baby thing, the nursery stuff etc. Even the infertility issues, I hear stories where the guy just doesn’t want to know. DH was blah about the fertility. He went to the appointments and wanted the info from the HSG etc. He stayed with me through the pain of miscarriage and sat at the hospital during the D&C. He would check my cervix when I asked (that whole long finger thing) and always perform on command. He even occasionally wanted to know what my chart looked like and where we were. He always made sure I took my meds. Now that we are pregnant? Whole new story. He is INTO IT man.

He researches STUFF and makes lists of things he likes and what he wants. HE talks about it all with me. He makes me chicken soup when I’m pukey and grudgingly changes the cat litter. He rubs my belly in the mornings when he wakes me up and tells all his coworkers the crazy things I do (like sit up at 2am and turn the light on, waking him up and saying everything is fine and falling right back asleep which I don’t really remember doing.) I just feel like I should let him have this furniture thing. I know he will take my preferences into consideration but if it comes down to a few choices and he really likes one and I’m just okay about it, I think I may give in. What do you think? Would you feel the same way or would you want to be involved in every little detail? (and have no fear, the bedding and paint and decorations will totally be my choice but so far he has agreed with me on all the girl bedding, we are at a bit of a standoff on the boy bedding though.) Maybe I can negotiate the boy bedding better if I give in on the furniture choice. LOL

Thanks a lot blogger!

I had this wonderful long sentimental post about DH and cribs written out. Came to blogger and clicked and all of a suddena million internet explorer boxes started popping up...my computer shut down and I lost my post.

:sigh:

I don't have it in me to rewrite it write now. I'm a little pissed. So you can thank Blogger for the lack of installments today.