I grew up in the house that I live in now. Not exactly the floor plan I would choose but I do love the sentimental value of the house and have made it my own. I thought it would be weird and always feel like my mother’s house but it doesn’t. At all. When I visit her in her adorable farm house in the mountains, that’s her house.
When I was young though, my sister and I spent many days alone when she was a teenager and I was middle school age in my mom’s kitchen (which is now mine). The product of working parents, we had great imagination. We turned our kitchen and dining room into a restaurant called Old Timer’s every day for lunch. We served up meals to each other with flair from the humblest grilled cheese and soup to a can of chef boy r Dee garnished with parmesan from a can.
It was a production from beginning to end, greeting each other at the front door and seating them at the choicest table, playing chef, plating the food, playing waitress, busboy and dishwasher (which often included acting a dishwashing soap commercial but that was more of a ploy for her to pretend to film while I got stuck doing all the dishes…I was very much a drama queen even then.)
We used to talk about actually opening Old Timer’s when we grew up. I can only think that the famed Cracker Barrel was our inspiration for Restaurant Design. I’ve held onto that dream though. The dream has changed over the years and morphed from being a bakery/café, to sometimes a bed and breakfast, and sometimes even a full out restaurant.
Tonight, my sister is coming over to help me in the kitchen. We are whipping up giant pots of chili and chicken stew, veggie and cheese platters, and a cake for my Halloween Party tomorrow. It’s going to be like Old Timer’s is open again twenty years later.
Sometimes it’s the simple things in life that you look back on with fond memories but I have noticed that the majority of the family’s greatest memories center around the kitchen. The kitchen is truly the heart of the home and I’m looking forward to making memories for my own children: giggles and smiles over cupcake frosting, smells of cookies baking on Christmas Eve, mini aprons enveloping wiggly bodies with chocolate smears on the nose, beaters to be licked, family dinners, etc.
Despite all the work I have to do, I’m looking forward to taking this sweet trip down memory lane tonight. Laughing, arguing, getting in each other’s way, making a mess and above all spending quality time with my sister is a great way to spend a Holiday whether its Halloween or Christmas. Sisters, who for many years were each other’s arch nemesis and saving grace. We are siblings, friends, families who cook, laugh, love and live.
I think they need to adjust those popular phrases for the wall art: COOK, Laugh, Love, Live. I like it.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Happy Anniversary to Us.
Yesterday was our Anniversary.
FOUR YEARS of marriage. Six years together. It’s almost hard to believe that I’ve been with him that long and at the same time it still feels new and exciting sometimes, like we’ve just moved in and are still newly weds.
Our life has changed quite a bit for this year though. Last year at this time we were suffering the physical and emotional effects of the miscarriage, clinging together, blocking out the world.
This year, we are celebrating my expanding waist line, struggling with exhaustion of his hectic schedule being in school and working full time, trying to get through and live life. We are doing our Annual Halloween Party this year that we cancelled last year. DH has been sick and exhausted, I’ve had the severe back pain this week etc.
So on our actual anniversary, we spend a giftless quiet night laying together on our sofa watching Halloween Sitcoms and eating a quick easy dinner of beef and cheese burritos (homemade of course) and Halloween mini chocolates.
It was quiet and humble and sweet. As much as I’m looking forward to cooking the party foods with my sister’s help tonight, and having people come and enjoy a fire, food and fun tomorrow, DH and I are in agreement that we are looking forward to a quiet relaxing Sunday doing NOTHING.
A day together, watching DVR’d tv shows and movies, munching on leftovers and candy in our pajamas.
The older we get, the crazier our life gets, the more we appreciate those rare days when we don’t have to think about yard work, house chores, budgets, commitments and errands. We get to cuddle, veg and look forward to getting through one more week of voting, chiro appts, and daily life before the BIG Ultra Sound. It’s SO CLOSE!
Through everything we’ve been through in the past 4 years: home, job layoffs, pay cuts, IF, miscarriage etc. I can honestly say that our relationship has stayed strong and grown. We are solid. We are still in love and looking forward to our family with our whole hearts. I still look forward to seeing him at the end of each day, a kiss on the top of my head still makes my knees week, he still makes me laugh, he’s still the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. He’s still the man I want to present HLB to, and say “Look at what we did. Look at the perfection our love created.”
FOUR YEARS of marriage. Six years together. It’s almost hard to believe that I’ve been with him that long and at the same time it still feels new and exciting sometimes, like we’ve just moved in and are still newly weds.
Our life has changed quite a bit for this year though. Last year at this time we were suffering the physical and emotional effects of the miscarriage, clinging together, blocking out the world.
This year, we are celebrating my expanding waist line, struggling with exhaustion of his hectic schedule being in school and working full time, trying to get through and live life. We are doing our Annual Halloween Party this year that we cancelled last year. DH has been sick and exhausted, I’ve had the severe back pain this week etc.
So on our actual anniversary, we spend a giftless quiet night laying together on our sofa watching Halloween Sitcoms and eating a quick easy dinner of beef and cheese burritos (homemade of course) and Halloween mini chocolates.
It was quiet and humble and sweet. As much as I’m looking forward to cooking the party foods with my sister’s help tonight, and having people come and enjoy a fire, food and fun tomorrow, DH and I are in agreement that we are looking forward to a quiet relaxing Sunday doing NOTHING.
A day together, watching DVR’d tv shows and movies, munching on leftovers and candy in our pajamas.
The older we get, the crazier our life gets, the more we appreciate those rare days when we don’t have to think about yard work, house chores, budgets, commitments and errands. We get to cuddle, veg and look forward to getting through one more week of voting, chiro appts, and daily life before the BIG Ultra Sound. It’s SO CLOSE!
Through everything we’ve been through in the past 4 years: home, job layoffs, pay cuts, IF, miscarriage etc. I can honestly say that our relationship has stayed strong and grown. We are solid. We are still in love and looking forward to our family with our whole hearts. I still look forward to seeing him at the end of each day, a kiss on the top of my head still makes my knees week, he still makes me laugh, he’s still the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and grow old with. He’s still the man I want to present HLB to, and say “Look at what we did. Look at the perfection our love created.”
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Being Self-aware and Self-centered
I may not be a smug pregnant woman, because I appreciate every moment I am pregnant (despite the occasional complaint about the cramps, back pain and sleeplessness LOL) but I can honestly say I am a self-centered one.
I think everyone needs to be honest with themselves and other’s and I am self-centered right now. I think, in a way, its justified. Pregnant women (and not just IFers and loss sufferers but pregnant women as a whole group) should be more aware of their bodies during this time. (Charters, IF sufferers, and Loss sufferers tend to be more aware than most people even before pregnancy and become hyper aware afterwards). Our bodies are these amazing natural machines that go through all these organic changes that can seem really crazy sometimes.
Not to mention we want and should keep our bodies absolutely healthy as possible, be even more conscious of what we put in our mouths, exercise, injury etc. because its no longer just us that we are screwing over, there’s another being in there dependent on our bodies. (Like a parasite, isn’t that a lovely thought?)
I’ve had my share of junk food. I’ve never done drugs nor been a heavy drinker but I have had my share of rough and tumble party nights and I was a smoker for 15 years. (a few off years here and there but most of that decade and a half I smoked.) I haven’t maintained a healthy lifestyle my whole life though is the point.
In the past few years, I have become a more self conscious person when it comes to how I live. I’ve been a non smoker for almost two years (yes, I know if you do the math, that means I smoked during the first year of TTC with the intentions of quitting the moment I found out…it was stupid of me.) I’ve made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle as I’ve actually discovered things about myself (my mortality, my allergies, my PCOS etc.) and have become a much healthier (and smaller!) version of me.
Now that I have finally made it some distance on a long awaited journey of actually bringing a child into the world, I am even more self centered. Everything we do, every place we go, everything we eat is first weighed and thought about in terms of “what about me and my baby?” Do I want to try a new restaurant that DH wants to go to and risk an allergy attack since I’m pregnant? Do I really want to get up early and go shopping all day and if I do are their baby stores nearby? Etc. etc. etc.
Do I want to go to the in-laws at Christmas when I am 7 months pregnant? (that would be a hell no by the way). I am completely absorbed by myself and this child. I day dream about cribs and bedding during work. I mark the passage of time by counting down days to my next events which bring me closer to the next baby appt.
I’ve let certain aspects of my life outside the home slide because I just don’t feel like putting in the effort anymore and that’s probably a little self centered too. But hey, at least I’m honest and I don’t act or pretend like the world revolves around me nor do I ask to be waited on hand and foot or be focused on at family events etc. But in my own head? Yea, I’m totally focused on me and my little family. I admit it freely.
I think everyone needs to be honest with themselves and other’s and I am self-centered right now. I think, in a way, its justified. Pregnant women (and not just IFers and loss sufferers but pregnant women as a whole group) should be more aware of their bodies during this time. (Charters, IF sufferers, and Loss sufferers tend to be more aware than most people even before pregnancy and become hyper aware afterwards). Our bodies are these amazing natural machines that go through all these organic changes that can seem really crazy sometimes.
Not to mention we want and should keep our bodies absolutely healthy as possible, be even more conscious of what we put in our mouths, exercise, injury etc. because its no longer just us that we are screwing over, there’s another being in there dependent on our bodies. (Like a parasite, isn’t that a lovely thought?)
I’ve had my share of junk food. I’ve never done drugs nor been a heavy drinker but I have had my share of rough and tumble party nights and I was a smoker for 15 years. (a few off years here and there but most of that decade and a half I smoked.) I haven’t maintained a healthy lifestyle my whole life though is the point.
In the past few years, I have become a more self conscious person when it comes to how I live. I’ve been a non smoker for almost two years (yes, I know if you do the math, that means I smoked during the first year of TTC with the intentions of quitting the moment I found out…it was stupid of me.) I’ve made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle as I’ve actually discovered things about myself (my mortality, my allergies, my PCOS etc.) and have become a much healthier (and smaller!) version of me.
Now that I have finally made it some distance on a long awaited journey of actually bringing a child into the world, I am even more self centered. Everything we do, every place we go, everything we eat is first weighed and thought about in terms of “what about me and my baby?” Do I want to try a new restaurant that DH wants to go to and risk an allergy attack since I’m pregnant? Do I really want to get up early and go shopping all day and if I do are their baby stores nearby? Etc. etc. etc.
Do I want to go to the in-laws at Christmas when I am 7 months pregnant? (that would be a hell no by the way). I am completely absorbed by myself and this child. I day dream about cribs and bedding during work. I mark the passage of time by counting down days to my next events which bring me closer to the next baby appt.
I’ve let certain aspects of my life outside the home slide because I just don’t feel like putting in the effort anymore and that’s probably a little self centered too. But hey, at least I’m honest and I don’t act or pretend like the world revolves around me nor do I ask to be waited on hand and foot or be focused on at family events etc. But in my own head? Yea, I’m totally focused on me and my little family. I admit it freely.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Week 18
How far along?18 weeks
Total weight gain: 2 pounds (I lost two more pounds last week)
Maternity clothes? No. I have the one pair of pants and one top. I haven't worn them since I bought them though. I'm still wearing all my regular clothes. Even my "skinny jeans" don't feel that tight anymore now that some of the bloat has gone down, but they are low rise so they fit below this expanding waist of mine.
Sleep: What's that? I haven't had but a few hours total in the past three days. I'm a zombie.
Best moment this week: An unexpected visit to the Dr.'s allowed me to hear HLB's heartbeat again and reassure me.
Gender: I'm 51/49 Girl/boy.
Craving: Water. (i'm a little dehydrated) and pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (decaff ofcourse).
Movement: not since last week thus the excitement to hear the heartbeat again.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: Energy and sleep.
What I am looking forward to: The Halloween party this weekend. Puts me one step closer to the anatomy scan.
Milestones: We definately settled on the crib which we will be purchasing right after the anatomy scan. Davinci Kalani.
Total weight gain: 2 pounds (I lost two more pounds last week)
Maternity clothes? No. I have the one pair of pants and one top. I haven't worn them since I bought them though. I'm still wearing all my regular clothes. Even my "skinny jeans" don't feel that tight anymore now that some of the bloat has gone down, but they are low rise so they fit below this expanding waist of mine.
Sleep: What's that? I haven't had but a few hours total in the past three days. I'm a zombie.
Best moment this week: An unexpected visit to the Dr.'s allowed me to hear HLB's heartbeat again and reassure me.
Gender: I'm 51/49 Girl/boy.
Craving: Water. (i'm a little dehydrated) and pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (decaff ofcourse).
Movement: not since last week thus the excitement to hear the heartbeat again.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: Energy and sleep.
What I am looking forward to: The Halloween party this weekend. Puts me one step closer to the anatomy scan.
Milestones: We definately settled on the crib which we will be purchasing right after the anatomy scan. Davinci Kalani.
Hump Day Melancholy
So my whiny mood on Monday? Turned into an emotional breakdown by Tuesday. The knot in my shoulder and headache got worse. On Tuesday morning I got out of bed (after very little sleep from the pain) to half my face being numb, blurred vision in that eye, numb arm and leg with horrible pain. I called the Dr. to get a recommendation on seeing a masseuse or a chiropractor and they wanted me to come in immediately.
I did not know this but there is a thing called “pregnancy induced Bells Palsy.” That’s pretty scary, but I don’t have it. I have a hormone induced muscle knot that I get to look forward to dealing with on and off through my entire pregnancy. Yay me.
I did end up seeing a chiropractor yesterday who adjusted me and worked on that knot and put me on a gentle setting roller bed. I felt great for about 10 minutes….till I went home and everything tightened back up. I did catch a few cat naps during my imposed bed rest though. My OB felt that I should stay out of work and do nothing because my blood pressure and heart rate were a little elevated. Not high, but higher than my norm most likely due to the pain and stress of it (aka lack of sleep). So I managed to take a few short naps on the sofa but I had to get in just the right positions to prop my shoulder on pillows a certain way to find any comfort.
Last night, I would have slept a little better had it not been for the combined pain and tornadoes. None of the bad weather came directly near me but was in the same county so my weather radio kept going off and I kept waking up to watch the radar. I get to look forward to more of that tonight.
To say I’m pretty miserable is probably an understatement though I know many that are far more miserable than I so I feel guilty for complaining too much. What really got me going was the new car finance company. I had a set to with one of their non English speaking lying customer service reps at near 9pm last night. I eventually had to hang up the phone because I was so upset with them I could feel my Blood pressure rising. My first payment isn’t due till November 28th. I haven’t even gotten any paperwork from them on how to pay them (since Carmax doesn’t provide that) and they have an automated phone system dialing my CELL phone multiple times a day and hanging up on me. According to call center bitch, their records only indicate one phone call to my home number to welcome me and they left a message on my answering machine. WRONG. My home number doesn’t have an answering machine you lying twatwaffle and I have a record of the multiple calls and times on my cell phone. When I hit callback, guess what? I GOT YOU fucker. It was bad. I lost it and she wouldn’t transfer me to a manager. I eventually said something extremely not nice and hung up and ended up sobbing in my husbands arms in the middle of my kitchen because I was so stressed out over everything: car, pain, upcoming party, trying to get dinner done, bad weather etc.
Carmax and this new finance company will be getting very explosive letters from me to say the least and I damn well hope they recorded that phone call. I have been with Ford Credit through three cars in the past 10 years. Needless to say, I will be going BACK to Ford and their lovely finance company when we trade DH’s vehicle. Carmax has officially lost my business after this and the DMV license plate fiasco. Two weeks I’ve had my car, and it’s been nothing but a hassle for stupid reasons. Reasons an emotional pregnant women should not have to deal with.
Sometimes I wish my husband was one of those guys who handled the money and investments and dealing with stuff like that, but in our household, I’m the one. I handle the money better and pay all the bills, and plan the expenditures and deal with insurance problems etc. etc. He isn’t very good about that kind of thing so it makes our life smoother, but sometimes, like yesterday, I wish I didn’t have to do it all.
I did not know this but there is a thing called “pregnancy induced Bells Palsy.” That’s pretty scary, but I don’t have it. I have a hormone induced muscle knot that I get to look forward to dealing with on and off through my entire pregnancy. Yay me.
I did end up seeing a chiropractor yesterday who adjusted me and worked on that knot and put me on a gentle setting roller bed. I felt great for about 10 minutes….till I went home and everything tightened back up. I did catch a few cat naps during my imposed bed rest though. My OB felt that I should stay out of work and do nothing because my blood pressure and heart rate were a little elevated. Not high, but higher than my norm most likely due to the pain and stress of it (aka lack of sleep). So I managed to take a few short naps on the sofa but I had to get in just the right positions to prop my shoulder on pillows a certain way to find any comfort.
Last night, I would have slept a little better had it not been for the combined pain and tornadoes. None of the bad weather came directly near me but was in the same county so my weather radio kept going off and I kept waking up to watch the radar. I get to look forward to more of that tonight.
To say I’m pretty miserable is probably an understatement though I know many that are far more miserable than I so I feel guilty for complaining too much. What really got me going was the new car finance company. I had a set to with one of their non English speaking lying customer service reps at near 9pm last night. I eventually had to hang up the phone because I was so upset with them I could feel my Blood pressure rising. My first payment isn’t due till November 28th. I haven’t even gotten any paperwork from them on how to pay them (since Carmax doesn’t provide that) and they have an automated phone system dialing my CELL phone multiple times a day and hanging up on me. According to call center bitch, their records only indicate one phone call to my home number to welcome me and they left a message on my answering machine. WRONG. My home number doesn’t have an answering machine you lying twatwaffle and I have a record of the multiple calls and times on my cell phone. When I hit callback, guess what? I GOT YOU fucker. It was bad. I lost it and she wouldn’t transfer me to a manager. I eventually said something extremely not nice and hung up and ended up sobbing in my husbands arms in the middle of my kitchen because I was so stressed out over everything: car, pain, upcoming party, trying to get dinner done, bad weather etc.
Carmax and this new finance company will be getting very explosive letters from me to say the least and I damn well hope they recorded that phone call. I have been with Ford Credit through three cars in the past 10 years. Needless to say, I will be going BACK to Ford and their lovely finance company when we trade DH’s vehicle. Carmax has officially lost my business after this and the DMV license plate fiasco. Two weeks I’ve had my car, and it’s been nothing but a hassle for stupid reasons. Reasons an emotional pregnant women should not have to deal with.
Sometimes I wish my husband was one of those guys who handled the money and investments and dealing with stuff like that, but in our household, I’m the one. I handle the money better and pay all the bills, and plan the expenditures and deal with insurance problems etc. etc. He isn’t very good about that kind of thing so it makes our life smoother, but sometimes, like yesterday, I wish I didn’t have to do it all.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Rainy day whining
It's one of those days...you know where the weather is cool and dreary, a pressure system is moving through and your head is pounding so you lament about all the bad things? That would be today. What am I lamenting about?
The fact that sometimes my stomach is hard as a rock and other times it goes soft like my ute disappeared all together. How I haven't felt the baby move lately and its probably my fault because I had too much caffiene and not enough water so something terrible has happened.
How my nips are turning dark, almost scabby at the tips and sore. Did I mention they are huge? WTF? I can barely stand to look at them much less touch them. A casual playful grab from DH sends me into a cowering screaming puddle of boob grasping teeth baring frenzy. I feel like a tazmanian devil where my boobs are concerned.
His flippant "welcome to pregnany honey" comments don't help. AS IF YOU EFFING KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE ARSEHOLE! STFU.
See? I'm an irrational complaining raging bitch today. I should have stayed in bed.
The fact that sometimes my stomach is hard as a rock and other times it goes soft like my ute disappeared all together. How I haven't felt the baby move lately and its probably my fault because I had too much caffiene and not enough water so something terrible has happened.
How my nips are turning dark, almost scabby at the tips and sore. Did I mention they are huge? WTF? I can barely stand to look at them much less touch them. A casual playful grab from DH sends me into a cowering screaming puddle of boob grasping teeth baring frenzy. I feel like a tazmanian devil where my boobs are concerned.
His flippant "welcome to pregnany honey" comments don't help. AS IF YOU EFFING KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE ARSEHOLE! STFU.
See? I'm an irrational complaining raging bitch today. I should have stayed in bed.
Pumpkin Dip
For a Mary Kay Facial Party I threw Friday night, which was very relaxing and a fun giggling time with the girls, one of the new items I tested was Pumpkin Dip. I’m a huge pumpkin fan: pumpkin pie, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin bread and pumpkin spice lattes but there are certain mixtures with pumpkin and cream cheese I don’t do well. It’s the combination of flavor and texture. Among them: pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheesing icing and now, pumpkin dip. Everyone else in the known world loves it though. I’m the weird one. I served this recipe with Gingersnaps and it was tasty, I was just able to stop after two cookies, so maybe my slight aversion is a good thing.
Pumpkin dip
Ingredients:
1 can Pumpkin Puree
1 package cream cheese (8 ounces, room temp, lightly beaten or whipped)
1 ½ cups brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp ginger
¼ tsp cloves
Dash vanilla
Directions:
Mix everything, cover and chill. (We actually served it fresh which I liked better than chilled but most recipes call for you to chill pumpkin dip).
Pumpkin dip
Ingredients:
1 can Pumpkin Puree
1 package cream cheese (8 ounces, room temp, lightly beaten or whipped)
1 ½ cups brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
¼ tsp ginger
¼ tsp cloves
Dash vanilla
Directions:
Mix everything, cover and chill. (We actually served it fresh which I liked better than chilled but most recipes call for you to chill pumpkin dip).
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