As you all know, I know this. I've been struggling for over three years now to have a child with one pregnancy ending towards the end of the first trimester and one chemical pregnancy. But I am, unfortunately, not alone in this fight. There are others. Hundreds of others. Like the fun and talented Jenny. The ambitious and beautiful Mrs.S. The vivacious Johanna.. The Very zen and spirited American Tribal. The beautiful and amazingly strong Jeanna. And the sweet and hopeful Dee. These women are just a FEW of the amazing women I have met that suffer along with me.
Infertility hurts. The common comfort sayings that issue from people's mouths without thought such as "Relax" and "When the time is right" do not help. Telling me you had trouble getting pregnant when it took you two months, is not even close to being comparable. Telling me you have ADHD and understand what its like to go through life broken? Bitch please. You have no idea.
For everyone out there reading this, whether you suffer from infertility or not, please educate yourselves. Spread the word this week so that other women can have the support and understanding they need. Visit sites, read statistics. Hug your friends who are suffering.
I have an amazing network of women and bloggers who are supportive. Do we always say the right things to each other even though we KNOW what catch phrases are meaningless? Absolutely not. As a society we seem to be programmed with certain "comfort" phrases that vomit forth automatically. Faith phrases may be fine for one but a slap in the face for someone else. No one is perfect. Even those that suffer from the same issues can slip up with someone else, but you can tell when someone is sincerely offering understanding and comfort from someone who just has diahrea of the mouth and is clueless. No matter what though, they need understanding. Just shut up and listen sometimes. You can't fix it. Nothing you say will fix it or make it go away or make it easier. Infertility is a lonely dark road full of depression, excitement, and fear. It's often a long journey with crossroads, straying paths, and broken bridges. It's a journey that so many of us are forced to take without choice.
It is not my job as an infertile woman to provide a home for all the orphans out there. Could that be a possibility in our future. Yes. By all means it may be. But I will not adopt a child as a substitute for a biological child. I will adopt one because I want to. So please don't say "you can always adopt." Adoption comes with its own heartaches, struggles, budget and pitfalls. It's a beautiful and amazing thing but its not the answer for everyone and is not the responsibility of those of us who have trouble. Life isn't fair but we shouldn't be looked down upon as inferior because of a medical condition that we have no control over. Again, Educate yourselves and those around you. You never know who is going to go through this that you may know.
And with that, I will end by saying it is fitting in a way, that this week I finally stepped up to the plate. I took my medicine. Literally. Last night was the first night of clomid. We are TTC with medical help once again. So in this week, while I stand up and recognize Infertility for everyone and encourage you to spread the word for all of us, I continue the effort for that one thing that will complete us...a baby of our own.
All my love to all my girls and I pray that 2011 will be a wonderful birth year for our little ones.
You're an amazing woman, and if I get nothing else out of this, I'm glad I've had the opportunity to 'meet' someone like you. You're wise and kind, but a kick in my pants when I need it. You understand a part of me that very few others do. Thank you for being you. I'm praying for you too.
ReplyDeleteKrista,
ReplyDeleteThis post is so beautifully written and thank you for calling me amazing. Most days I don't feel amazing, as you well know. I hate IF and that there has to be an IF awareness week. It is unfortunate that this is the reason we met and became friends through the losses of our babies. I enjoy reading your blog because I never know what I am about to read, you are hilarious and yet have this soft side that you try to hide.
Good job taking that leap and popping those pills, for putting yourself out there physically and emotionally. I can't wait to celebrate with you again!
This post is so honest and just proves how amazing of a woman you are! Thank you for posting it. As IF awareness week goes on I think about posting a message on my FB status but the secrecy and stigma that surrounds IF scares me even more.
ReplyDeleteIt is brave women like you who help me go on everyday fighting the fight.
((hugs))