Day 4

of the poopless wonder (who knew I could talk for DAYS about the ability to poop?). Colace last night? Ineffective. I'm taking more tonight and moving on to the milk of magnesium.

Because I can not walk correctly and I'm at the point I'm afraid to eat because how can anything else possibly fit anywhere in my body. It's FULL. Nothing has come out since I can't remember when and my ass has hurt for four days.

Please stop reading because I'm fixing to WAY OVER SHARE HERE.

What makes it worse is you can feel it and you push and you sit there with your muscles clenched as far as they will go waiting for the log to break off and give you some sort of accomplishment and relief. You pant tiny pants until you have to let go and you feel it...you feel the entire thing slide back up in there and nestle in. And you cry because you don't have the strength to push anymore.

so you hang your head and go back to your desk and sit there tilted onto your hip bone because your butt hurts, praying for an assplosion of epic proportions to find some release of this toxic cornicopia of all the crap you have eaten for a week. And you try to get up the courage to try again the next time you go pee (which you are doing quite well every hour on the hour like a three dicked dinosaur.

and you know that with one blog post and the click of a mouse you have just lost any internet dignity and class you ever had because you can not deal with your own poop problem quietly so you go stare at your chart again praying it was all worth it.