I'm calling it this morning. BFN. I swear there was a trace of brown blood in my urine this morning but I tested anyway with the pink dye FRER. Nothing to interpret. Negative. Couple all that with the drop in temp and its over.
I honestly do not know what happened. There is no denying THREE faint positive tests, a thermal shift or the insanely long LP that should have resulted in a pregnancy. I don't know if you could call this a CP without a Dr.'s confirmation and I don't know if I want to know.
When I throw these peesticks away, I will also be throwing away our last dreams of a 2010 baby.
The best I can hope for this morning is to go to church and pray that god gives me peace with this, because right now, I'm not okay with it.
Showing posts with label Tests. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tests. Show all posts
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Ultimate disappointment
It wasn't even three days ago I laughed at a commercial that said "1 in 4 women can mis-read a pregnancy test". Apparently, everyone I know, including myself can misread a pregnancy test.
I admit it. I took two last night. The uber cheap store brand pink dye tests. There was no mistaking a faint plus sign. We both saw it. I took pictures and texted it to several of my BOTB girls for second (third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc.) opinions. They all saw it. Around me, there was giddyness and celebration while I tried to maintain some composure. My heart was leaping, I could hardly breathe. My head was still saying "PROCEED WITH CAUTION!"
I hardly slept. About two hours in, I got up and collected my pee and took my temp. My temp had fallen below the cover line and I cried. Then I realized I had not even been asleep for two hours or so. When I got up like normal this morning, my temp was 97.9 so I poured out the other pee and peed again.
I was on the way out the door but discovered my sick old dog had exploded her bowels all over my livingroom carpet. She hasn't used the bathroom in the house in over 12 years. She's a very sick girl. I spent the next two hours gagging and cleaning up poop and steam cleaning my carpets with Resolve. I still have work to do but for now, my carpet has to dry.
So I took a shower and raced to Walgreens. I got not only a digital but a regular pink dye FRER. I used the FMU and got a big FAT NEGATIVE with the digital. My heart fell to the floor and I thought I was going to stop breathing. I did the pink dye. Negative though I swear I could see a faint shadow of a line.
But you know what? A line isn't always a line. Sometimes its just a shadow. I'm like 18 dpo. There is no way a digital could not detect HSG in FMU at 18 dpo. I am not pregnant. And I just wasted $45.00 on what I knew to be true yesterday.
The lesson here, is do not buy cheap tests. Do not look at shadows and do not get excited until you see a fucking ultrasound. Listen to your gut. When you know what your body does, believe your instinct, not the little hopeful voices that say "there is always a first time for everything." No. Not in the world of my broken uterus.
Excuse me while I go back to cleaning up the dog shit that is both literally and metaphorically my life today.
I admit it. I took two last night. The uber cheap store brand pink dye tests. There was no mistaking a faint plus sign. We both saw it. I took pictures and texted it to several of my BOTB girls for second (third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc.) opinions. They all saw it. Around me, there was giddyness and celebration while I tried to maintain some composure. My heart was leaping, I could hardly breathe. My head was still saying "PROCEED WITH CAUTION!"
I hardly slept. About two hours in, I got up and collected my pee and took my temp. My temp had fallen below the cover line and I cried. Then I realized I had not even been asleep for two hours or so. When I got up like normal this morning, my temp was 97.9 so I poured out the other pee and peed again.
I was on the way out the door but discovered my sick old dog had exploded her bowels all over my livingroom carpet. She hasn't used the bathroom in the house in over 12 years. She's a very sick girl. I spent the next two hours gagging and cleaning up poop and steam cleaning my carpets with Resolve. I still have work to do but for now, my carpet has to dry.
So I took a shower and raced to Walgreens. I got not only a digital but a regular pink dye FRER. I used the FMU and got a big FAT NEGATIVE with the digital. My heart fell to the floor and I thought I was going to stop breathing. I did the pink dye. Negative though I swear I could see a faint shadow of a line.
But you know what? A line isn't always a line. Sometimes its just a shadow. I'm like 18 dpo. There is no way a digital could not detect HSG in FMU at 18 dpo. I am not pregnant. And I just wasted $45.00 on what I knew to be true yesterday.
The lesson here, is do not buy cheap tests. Do not look at shadows and do not get excited until you see a fucking ultrasound. Listen to your gut. When you know what your body does, believe your instinct, not the little hopeful voices that say "there is always a first time for everything." No. Not in the world of my broken uterus.
Excuse me while I go back to cleaning up the dog shit that is both literally and metaphorically my life today.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Freaking OUT!
Cheap Tests do not make me feel any more conclusive. Getting a digital tomorrow. Dam these inanimate sticks you pee on.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I'm a Procrastinator, In Case You Didn't know
Most people have to be talked down from POAS too early. 7 dpo, if their chart looks good, they are itching to cock their leg on a pretty pink stick like a dog marking its territory.
This very feminine response is somehow absent from me. POAS scares the bajezus out of me. I haven't ever used that many in my lifetime. One or two when I first started trying but in the past 2 years? TWO. Both were positive within a day of each other. The second one was because I simply didn't believe the first one.
Last month I had to pee at the Dr.'s office before I had the lung scans just to make sure. The nurse and Dr. were so callous towards me anyway and their delivery of the news that it was negative hurt me deeply. They were so flippant about it, but these were the most rude, uncaring dr.'s I've ever come across in my lifetime. Seriously. I guess being a lung specialist doesn't require you to care about anyone. But I digress.
So despite the fact that I'm 16 dpo, I continue to put off buying a pregnancy test. TCOYF says that if you go 18 dpo above the cover line, you are pregnant. Well, no discredit to you, TCOYF, but I'm not buying it until I see a positive test even though that's EXACTLY what happened to my last BFP.
Why you ask? Because not only am I a procrastinator, but I'm also a pessimist. Let me count the reasons I am not pregnant:
1) I have no clue if we had sex remotely close to the right time (DH thinks we did).
2) We didn't use Preconcieve and I have sucktastic CM if any at all.
3) I've never ovulated on my own
4) My body hates me.
5) My temperatures are hovering, not really rising
But to be fair, I'll recount why I COULD be.
1) I had INSANE, unexplainable back pain around my kidneys for several days which is identical to what I felt with the first BFP.
2) I'm having more gas than normal (and this morning the gas bubbles are hovering in my back and it hurts like hell).
3) Stupid FF is showing a tentative ovulation.
4) My temperatures are hovering which again, is reminiscent of my BFP.
I'm scared. I'm scared of seeing a negative after this hope. I'm scared of seeing a positive after what we went through last time. Therefore, I'm putting off POAS. If I put it off long enough, my head tells me AF will show up (but if miracle of miracles I AM PREGNANT, I know this isn't true.)
This very feminine response is somehow absent from me. POAS scares the bajezus out of me. I haven't ever used that many in my lifetime. One or two when I first started trying but in the past 2 years? TWO. Both were positive within a day of each other. The second one was because I simply didn't believe the first one.
Last month I had to pee at the Dr.'s office before I had the lung scans just to make sure. The nurse and Dr. were so callous towards me anyway and their delivery of the news that it was negative hurt me deeply. They were so flippant about it, but these were the most rude, uncaring dr.'s I've ever come across in my lifetime. Seriously. I guess being a lung specialist doesn't require you to care about anyone. But I digress.
So despite the fact that I'm 16 dpo, I continue to put off buying a pregnancy test. TCOYF says that if you go 18 dpo above the cover line, you are pregnant. Well, no discredit to you, TCOYF, but I'm not buying it until I see a positive test even though that's EXACTLY what happened to my last BFP.
Why you ask? Because not only am I a procrastinator, but I'm also a pessimist. Let me count the reasons I am not pregnant:
1) I have no clue if we had sex remotely close to the right time (DH thinks we did).
2) We didn't use Preconcieve and I have sucktastic CM if any at all.
3) I've never ovulated on my own
4) My body hates me.
5) My temperatures are hovering, not really rising
But to be fair, I'll recount why I COULD be.
1) I had INSANE, unexplainable back pain around my kidneys for several days which is identical to what I felt with the first BFP.
2) I'm having more gas than normal (and this morning the gas bubbles are hovering in my back and it hurts like hell).
3) Stupid FF is showing a tentative ovulation.
4) My temperatures are hovering which again, is reminiscent of my BFP.
I'm scared. I'm scared of seeing a negative after this hope. I'm scared of seeing a positive after what we went through last time. Therefore, I'm putting off POAS. If I put it off long enough, my head tells me AF will show up (but if miracle of miracles I AM PREGNANT, I know this isn't true.)
Sunday, August 30, 2009
97.7-Still
I'm 17 DPO. My temperature is still 97.7. No upward shift nor downward shift.
Smell of cooked chicken makes me gag. I've had horrid intestinal issues for three days. I'm talking green/brown WATER here. If feeling like someone has taken a baseball bat to your back and ass are signs of pregnancy-I'm having triplets.
I'm so tired. Other than that, nothing. Easily written off as PMS, stomach bug and/or stress from work project.
To appease Isha though, I will swing by and pick up an EPT on the way home from showing a house tonight. I may even take it tonight instead of in the morning since I am 17 DPO. If it were to be positive it would be positive tonight just as easily as tomorrow morning this far into the LP.
I guess fingers crossed if you got them. I'm actually very blase/apprehensive about it. Probably because there is not change in temp so I'm not feeling it. But I will do it given the length of time it has been.
Smell of cooked chicken makes me gag. I've had horrid intestinal issues for three days. I'm talking green/brown WATER here. If feeling like someone has taken a baseball bat to your back and ass are signs of pregnancy-I'm having triplets.
I'm so tired. Other than that, nothing. Easily written off as PMS, stomach bug and/or stress from work project.
To appease Isha though, I will swing by and pick up an EPT on the way home from showing a house tonight. I may even take it tonight instead of in the morning since I am 17 DPO. If it were to be positive it would be positive tonight just as easily as tomorrow morning this far into the LP.
I guess fingers crossed if you got them. I'm actually very blase/apprehensive about it. Probably because there is not change in temp so I'm not feeling it. But I will do it given the length of time it has been.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Not Painful My Ass-HSG
For everyone who told me, it's not that bad, the worst is the possible bad cramps. God Bless you, but Murphy's law of my body doesn't work like that. I'm not sure if I can pick the worst but here's all the bad about this supposed 20 minute process:
1) Laying Spread eagle with the clamp thingie in while four people (1 being a 19 yo student observer) discuss where to go from here
2) Laying spread eagle on a cold xray table while the Dr. runs to the OR to see if he can find really small long forceps or similar "device"
3) Having previously mentioned device clamped on my cervix to "drag" it down to where the Dr. can access it more easily (OMG talk about pain)
4) Having my painfully moved cervix repeatedly bumped by a cathetar trying to break through
5) Laying spread eagle with forceps clamped on newly moved cervix while Dr. Runs to the L&D (four floors up) to search for a smaller cathetar device or smaller probe as my cervix is too high, skinny and closed to get a pipecleaner sized tube through.
6) Having the nurse tell me repeatedly...okay..breathe deep and think happy thoughts
7) The injected dye causing cramps on my already bruised and sore insides
8) My husband arriving in the room while I am bare-assed and bent over in pain to meet my OB ("the man he pays to violate his wife") for the first time and see my XRays.
9) Everyone in the room saying "Wow, we've never seen/experienced anything like that with this simple procedure..so bizarre"
10) the 20 minute procedure taking a painful 62 minutes.
Thanks for the memories..not.
Please future sweet chubby cheek angel baby, don't make me wait and suffer too much longer before transferring from heaven to my womb. I need some happiness for all this suffering.
1) Laying Spread eagle with the clamp thingie in while four people (1 being a 19 yo student observer) discuss where to go from here
2) Laying spread eagle on a cold xray table while the Dr. runs to the OR to see if he can find really small long forceps or similar "device"
3) Having previously mentioned device clamped on my cervix to "drag" it down to where the Dr. can access it more easily (OMG talk about pain)
4) Having my painfully moved cervix repeatedly bumped by a cathetar trying to break through
5) Laying spread eagle with forceps clamped on newly moved cervix while Dr. Runs to the L&D (four floors up) to search for a smaller cathetar device or smaller probe as my cervix is too high, skinny and closed to get a pipecleaner sized tube through.
6) Having the nurse tell me repeatedly...okay..breathe deep and think happy thoughts
7) The injected dye causing cramps on my already bruised and sore insides
8) My husband arriving in the room while I am bare-assed and bent over in pain to meet my OB ("the man he pays to violate his wife") for the first time and see my XRays.
9) Everyone in the room saying "Wow, we've never seen/experienced anything like that with this simple procedure..so bizarre"
10) the 20 minute procedure taking a painful 62 minutes.
Thanks for the memories..not.
Please future sweet chubby cheek angel baby, don't make me wait and suffer too much longer before transferring from heaven to my womb. I need some happiness for all this suffering.
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