Dear Matthew

Today is the last day I will write to you in utero. Tomorrow our dream comes true and we start the process of meeting you. I hope you come tomorrow and don't delay the process. I woke up this morning and had so many thoughts running through my head and I wrote to my friends with this message. It says everything I was feeling this morning.

"So I woke up this morning with the realization
that today is the last day as just a married couple. Everything we have worked towards for the past four years, that we started 7 years ago, is culminating now.

Tomorrow we become parents. We become a family of three (even though we already are). Tomorrow (or shortly thereafter as the process could take awhile) we have this much desired, long awaited squirmy little boy entirely dependent on the two of us. Tomorrow we wake up at 5am to head to the hospital to have a baby!

And I have to admit, as much as we have wanted this, and worked toward this, and are ready for this....I am scared out of my every loving effing mind.

It's kind of a wierd feeling, realization to know it all comes down to this...our last day, our last morning...as just the two of us. I'm excited, scared, overwhelmed, anxious and every other emotional adjective you can think of. I never thought I would feel ALL OF THIS."

Your daddy and I are so excited to meet you and start our life. We are overwhelmed and excited and scared. We love you so much and tomorrow is approaching so fast. I hope we are everything you need us to be and that we can give you the best life and everything you deserve.

Love,
Your Mama

Past 40 Weeks- Last update?

Total weight gain: 44lbs. ::stares in shock and horror::

Maternity clothes? Barely. I'm still rocking some premat clothes. I'm pretty proud of myself for doing so too. I swear my weight has shifted more above the belt line. Isn't he supposed to be DROPPING?

Sleep: Very little. I can not get comfortable and I feel like a beached whale.

Best moment this week: Scheduling Induction and the nursery is complete!!

Gender: A very stubborn adorable bouncy boy.

Craving: turkey Hot dogs


Movement: Yep. Still an active baby but he's staying head down, feet in the ribs.

Labor Signs: Ummmmm....HA. I have a LOT of contractions. Some painful, some not. 80% effaced but no dialation.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: The hopefuly excitement and relaxed pregnancy feelings sharing with my husband. We are both getting a little impatient simply because of discomfort and lack of sleep. I want to enjoy every last second of pregnancy because I KNOW I'm going to miss being pregnant and feeling him move but we are anxious to meet him and be a little more comfortable in my body again.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this little boy and seeing my husband finally truly hold him.

Milestones: Complete and utter FULL TERM!

Sex- It's whats for dinner

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Happy EDD Matthew

Today is our Estimated Due Date. I figured I would have you in my arms by now. Even the Dr's had planned on inducing you to come early but my body and you decided otherwise. This messed up body of mine that had so much trouble getting pregnant decided it knew what it was doing with you. It loves you and did everything right. No gestational diabetes. No pre-e. No blood pressure issues. It loves keeping you safe and warm and all to ourself.

You should be ready to come into the world now though. Your daddy and I really want to meet you and snuggle you and smooch you and start this amazing life with you.

So happy EDD baby. You still have a few hours to kick it in to gear and if you come tomorrow, I won't consider you late. I think you would really enjoy being a March baby though.

Whenever you are ready darling but just so you know, we are getting an ultrasound tomorrow...and picking a day of eviction so you should probably prepare if you aren't ready to come on your own.

We love you to pieces and can't wait to meet you, whatever your birthday may be.

38 Weeks and the Countdown is on

As I write this, I only have 12 official days left till my E.D.D./Two until the Full Moon that will be closer to the earth than ever before (at least in recent years). Things could get interesting around here in the next two weeks folks!

Total weight gain: Yesterday at the Dr. The scales read 40lbs. I almost cried.

Maternity clothes? Barely. I'm still rocking some premat clothes. I'm pretty proud of myself for doing so too. Where the heck is this 40lbs hanging out? My chin? Yea, I think so.

Sleep: Very little especially now that my Spring Allergies have kicked in and are draining down my throat!

Best moment this week: Feeling a little hand pushing back against my finger and trying to grasp it from under my skin. It was 3a.m. and had a dream like quality but I cried it was so awesome. (I cry a lot lately).

Gender: No question this is a boy. None (especially after the last ultrasound..wowzers!)

Craving: Bagel with Cream Cheese has been the flavor of the week though I'm not really craving anything.

Movement: Very strong movements still but lower now.

Labor Signs: Well, I have a LOT of pain and pressure in the lower stomach and my cervix is softening according to the dr. The Dr. measurements also say he has moved down a little but still no contractions.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: At this point, despite the lack of sleep etc, I don't really miss anything. i'm just trying to hold onto these amazing feelings of having an inside baby all to myself because I know soon I'm going to have to share him with the world.

What I am looking forward to: Finally finishing the nursery this weekend (hopefully).

Milestones: Baby moving downward so I guess we are getting ready for labor. I did at least pack a basic hospital bag to commemorate the event. LOL We also had Maternity Pics done! So excited!

Walk Like an Egyptian

that does not mean run out in the street demanding a change in governmental power(though right now that's not a half bad idea) or go burn down a church. The title is simply a statement on the lovely ways our bodies noticeably change our walking during pregnancy.
I have stooped clutching my back at various times like an old person with a cane who should be brandishing it with relish while shouting "hey you kids, get off my lawn!"
My current walking pattern mimics more closely a penguin waddle. Except I don't hold my head aloof with my sleek black and white coat glistening though my hair does resemble a fuzzy topknot most days. No, my waddle is not regal, but slow and painful and frumpy.

The discomfort in late pregnancy (that induces the waddle) is not from sheer girth I have found out. The size I can handle and function rather normally (minus shaving the ladybits & home pedicures). It's the agonizing gravitational pressure and pelvic/pubic pain that is making life difficult.
In all the pregnant people I've known, I odn't remember them talking about the pain just the pressure. The pressure I can deal with but the stabbing sharp pain with every left foot forward step is excruciating. It is making my life at work miserable as I have a roughly 1/4 mile walk just from the parking lot to my office.
I dread coming to work on a daily basis now but do not have enough vacation time to take off without cutting into FMLA so I have to stick it out 2 more weeks. I'm actually seeing why some people want their babies to come a tad early (one or two weeks only not the crazycakes who want to give birth at less than 37 weeks.
Flame if you must, but as i am 37 weeks today, I think I might actually have to "squee" (the excited kind) if I went into labor in the next week. Although I would appreciate it if he holds out until after the maternity shoot this weekend and my last trip to BRU on payday. If he needs to bake longer, I'm okay witht hat to, I just can't promise not to be a little ornery from time to time.
Maybe this is nature's way of getting us over our fears and nerves about labor and becoming a new parent: make us extremely uncomfortable & physically miserable, emotionally worn down so we don't care about the pain and potential negatives and fear. We just want to meet this little evil mastermind that has been systematically thumping our insides monotonously like interior chinese water torture untilwe go insane.
While I love every second and will miss him being safe and secure in there, I'm definitely gearing up to really wanting to meet my baby (and yea get my body back.)

Week 37

Since I missed last weeks update, I snapped a pic a few weeks ago and decided to post both weeks tonight.

Total weight gain: Houston We Have a Problem. At the Dr's on Monday I had gained an astounding 36.5 pounds total according to their records. That is fast approaching 40 and that scares me to death.

Maternity clothes? Yea. But I am still holding out with two pairs of pre-mat pants that I unbutton when I sit. LOL

Sleep: So So. Never enough though.

Best moment this week: Realizing I only have a week or two versus MONTHS.

Gender: This is pretty pointless too since he is obviously a very stubborn boy that takes after his daddy.

Craving: Southwest Salad, steak and potato

Movement: Very strong movements still but lower now.

Labor Signs: Well, I have a LOT of pain and pressure in the lower stomach and my cervix is softening according to the dr.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep and living off Zantac and Tums.


What I am looking forward to: Meeting this little guy.

Milestones: Full Term in the technical sense.

Irrationally, Illogically Pissed Off

It's a mood. I know it is. It's like when AF is coming and you know you are pmsing but you still can't control yourself. I'm just irrationally, illogically pissed at the world.

I'm tired, I'm in pain, and I'm uncomfortable. I am constipated and bloated. I don't want to go to work everyday. It hurts to walk around. My husband is great but I need some fucking help up in this joint.

He finally got a break from school and he gets sick so instead of getting some relief, I get more work dumped on me because we all know a mancold trumps pregnancy. Why is it that when I was puking my guts up a few weeks ago while pregnant, and weak I still managed to take care of the dogs etc but when he is home sick, I have to take over his turn with the dogs and everything else? EVEN when I'm having contractions.

And all this is just pointless ranting. Because its one day in time and soon to be over and I KNOW that my mood is close to the insanity point right now. I'm taking everything out of proportion and personally. I know THIS! But I can't stop it.

I'm feeling lost and emotional and like a beached whale ready to snap someone's head off.

35 weeks, 35 Days to GO!

Total weight gain: At the Dr's yesterday I was up a total of 31 lbs. I've blown past that 15-20 lb mark a long time ago. ::sigh:: The only bright spot is that I've been hovering around this weight for a few weeks. Only a month left so maybe I won't gain to a point I can't lose it quickly.

Maternity clothes? Yea. Unfortunately. See my whole rant on that topic here.

Sleep: This is a joke. A brutal constant weekly reminder of what I'm not getting. I've reached the point where my exhaustion is rivaling that of 1st tri.

Best moment this week: Reaching this incredible milestone. Its so amazing to look at those numbers and see how far I've come and how little I have left to go! Scary too!.

Gender: This is pretty pointless too since he is obviously a very stubborn boy that takes after his daddy.

Craving: Vanilla icecream with caramel and fudge sauce. YUM! (what was that about not gaining too much more weight?)

Movement: Very strong movements. Some days he's more active than others. I miss the little thumps and rolls and kicks. Now I get BIG rolls that are painful and he's getting the hiccups more frequently.

Labor Signs: Nope.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep and living off Zantac and Tums.


What I am looking forward to: Shopping with my BFF on Saturday for a little girl time. Plus she's after clothes for her sons and this time I get to shop for my son too so its going to be a whole new thing for us to do together!

Milestones: 35 weeks, 35 days to go! Anesthesia consult on Friday! Things are moving right along baby!

Poop Vs. Sex- A comparison

Never in a million years did I think I would come to appreciate a bowel movement more than sex. (and if that opening line does not grab your attention you might as well hang up reading pregnancy blogs forever.) If you had even suggested I would compare the two, I would have looked at you like you're crazy. These random comparison thoughts are what the late term pregnancy brain is reduced to though.

I've always enjoyed sex. Probably a little more than the average female. this may have something to do with PCOS and having a higher amount of testosterone than most women. Even through pregnancy our sex life has not diminished. (I can feel the horrified glares of seething women as I type this.) I have high hopes that it will resume even during the early onslaught of infant exhaustion (after Dr.'s clearance of course). Pipe dream? Maybe.

Having a regular and active sex life though does result in new breakthroughs grabbing more of the attention. So I really shouldn't be surprised that the pregnancy constipation that has developed in the 3rd trimester to a consistent level takes center stage.

When you have that much pressure and discomfort building for days and then this struggling major release that leaves you weak, exhausted and relaxed, well how do you not compare it to sex? Especially when you have sex more often than a bowel movement?

You think I'm joking but its a sad truth about pregnancy's affect on your intestines. Or else a testament to the exceptionalism of my sex life. Either way, something in my nether region's probably deserves a medal of honor.

34 Weeks

Total weight gain: This morning I was sitting at 26 pounds but when I got to the Dr. I was at 29lbs. I've been sick for two days and today was the first day I could really eat and drink so I was knocking back the Gatorade. Dr. was pretty sure it was my body retaining all the water it had lost and not worried about the gain.

Maternity clothes? Still mostly but I still have those few pieces I haven't let go of. I don't think they will make it all the way to the end but I can live without them for a few weeks....I've only got five weeks left ya'll!

Sleep: Off and on. I tend to be able to take naps but not sleep through the night. Go figure. Maybe its getting me in practice so I don't become a zombie mom.

Best moment this week: Losing weight (and that was before I got sick!)I lost four pounds between last thursday and Monday. Not sure how I did it. Probably water.

Gender: Definitely a BOY!

Craving: Still Salad..with Steak. Coca Cola (which is odd since I'm a pepsi product girl)

Movement: Definitely and I love every second of it.I'm totally going to miss this part of pregnancy. Even though his rolls are getting pretty painful.

Labor Signs: Some mild Braxton Hicks but nothing too bad.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep and living off Zantac and Tums.


What I am looking forward to: Getting some housework done.

Milestones: Bought the last of the big items on the registry that were musts. We almost have all the minimal things that we need to start out.

Goodbye to an Era

An Era of longhair rebel love. Dramatic you say? Well yes. You see, when I met my husband he had long hair. He had spent four years in the Marines with a military cut so the day he got out (Feb. 14th) he vowed not to cut his hair for four years. He was two years into this when we met. The Valentines day AFTER we married he cut all his hair off and donated it to Locks of Love. (did I mention he has gorgeous blonde silky hair that would make a woman die of envy?)

So he decided to do it again. So the past four years he has been growing it out for the sole purpose of donating it. He decided due to his shortly changing career (he's in school now) and becoming a father, this would be the last time. In a way, it makes me sad, because for the majority of the time I have been with him, he has had long hair. Our children will never know this loose, laid back hippie guy as a father. They will only know this tall guy with the military cut (who is still handsome but seems so much sterner and less rock and roll.)

So for the sake of posterity, on Valentines Day, I recorded the transformation. The loss of our youthful marriage and the progression into full on adult hood. Enjoy.

Week 32

I think its definately safe to say my stomach has really popped out recently and I'm starting to feel like I look pregnant versus just fat and thick. LOL

Total weight gain: Well on Monday I was still sitting pretty at about 25lbs but yesterday I had jumped to 28lbs which could be accounted for by water/bloat but my Dr. won't see it that way today. So this afternoon will be the official tally. I guarantee it will be high because its noon and I've already sucked down 5 bottles of water.

Maternity clothes? My whole outfit today is maternity. I've been wearing it more and more and I've noticed my comfy yoga pants are getting tight.

Sleep: What's that?

Best moment this week: Ultrasound today! Babyshower on Sunday!

Gender: Definately a BOY!

Craving: I'm back to really enjoying Salads.

Movement: Definately and I love every second of it.I'm totally going to miss this part of pregnancy.

Labor Signs: No but I think I've started having Braxton Hicks. I've had quite a few painful episodes of that.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep

What I am looking forward to: Seeing my baby today, the babyshower on sunday and Completing the nursery (nothing has been done as we took the weekend off last weekend since DH had the flu).

Milestones: I bought a dress for my babyshower and its this weekend..I'm so excited!

4 months Later-BIG DIFFERENCE and I mean BIG

For your viewing pleasure and since I'm wearing the exact same outfit, I decided to do a comparison from when I first started showing...to now. HOLY CRAP. I knew I had gained weight but I didn't think I was really showing. I feel huge now.

31 Weeks

Total weight gain: Approx. 24 pounds. Holy Crap. for the past three weeks I've been doing great. Had not gained anything more. Then today, (1 week before my next Dr's appt) BAM. Weight gain. ::sighs in frustration::


Maternity clothes? Today? NOPE...Still Not a stitch though I do wear it about half the time. I tried on the one dress last night that I was planning to wear to the babyshower, it looks horrid. I may have to go shopping.

Sleep: I have not been sleeping well lately but I did sleep last night. Apparently the trend is, I get to sleep well on Tuesday nights only. Go figure.

Best moment this week: Seeing the nursery coming together.

Gender: Definately a BOY!

Craving: Not really anything. I'm dehydrated so I've been drinking a lot of water. Guzzling like a Camel in the desert to be exact. My humps on the front side though.

Movement: Definately and I love every second of it.

Labor Signs: No.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep..and after seeing the comparison picture, yea I'm missing the smaller version of myself again.

What I am looking forward to: Completing the nursery.

Milestones: Nursery is painted, new light fixture, new blinds, new switchplates and the crib is put together! Squee!

The big 3-0...and this time I'm ecstatic about that number.

WEEK 30. THREE OH! Totally Stoked to be in my 30's! (and I'm definately not talking about my age here folks)

Total weight gain: Approx. 20-22 pounds. I was pleasantly surprised on Monday when I finally jumped on the scale and it still hovered at 20lbs meaning I had not gained anything in three weeks. Today, I double checked and it says 22 but I'm wearing a heavy sweater and boots plus there is always water fluctuation so I'm giving a range to make myself feel better. Go with it mmmkay? Thx.

Maternity clothes? Today? NOPE...Not a stitch. I did wear maternity pants the past two days....I still hate them. I'm looking into investing into a belly band and nursing bras soon though.

Sleep: I have not been sleeping well lately but I did sleep last night. Very hard. So that's good.

Best moment this week: Nothing in particular just a general feeling of excitement at how far along I am and approaching the time to meet this amazing little man. Oh well and of course we are finally making progress on the nursery which adds to that excitement!

Gender: Definately a BOY!

Craving: Still Lemon. Steaks and Salads have been hitting the spot lately too. YUM. My husband actually said to me "Steak, potato and salad AGAIN this week? It's like a record" Me: Well I can stop if you are tired of it. Him: "Honey, I doubt you will ever hear me or any other man say they are sick of steak and potatoes. I like this craving of yours."

Movement: Definately and I love every second of it.

Labor Signs: No.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Just sleep. I'm not even missing the control over my skinnier frame anymore.

What I am looking forward to: Seeing the Nursery come together and my crib arriving.

Milestones: Crib is on order. Paint is purchased for nursery and the process has begun on that. So excited!

P.S. Is it me or do I look THINNER this week then the last few weeks? I think I've lost some bloat which may account for my reduced weight gain.

P.P.S. I'm totally sporting the pigtails today. I know a woman in her 30's shouldn't wear them, but I love them and they are easy so kiss my foot.

Week 29

I took my camera to work with me this week. It's amazing the difference in picture quality huh? I'm no longer blurry and dark! LOL

Total weight gain: No idea. I didn't want to know as i felt like a fat cow today. Late this afternoon, after I blew up a toilet, I felt 5 pounds lighter but decided I still didn't want to know!

Maternity clothes? Yes but I'm still squeezing into my old jeans. THIS has been going on for far too long! Seriously though, those jeans I'm wearing? I had to unbutton them to sit at my desk as little man kept kicking my belly button. I think he was telling me they were too tight!

Sleep: Hardly at all last night but not too bad the few days preceeding. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Best moment this week: Knowing my invitations are going out for my babyshower!

Gender: Definately a BOY!

Craving: Still Lemon I guess. I'm not really "craving" anything but lemon still tastes great to me whenever I have it. I did get a hankering for a banana split this weekend. I had two of them (not at the same sitting but a day apart) which probably explains my lack of desire to weigh!

Movement: Definately and I love every second of it.

Labor Signs: No.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: The heartburn is getting ridiculous.

What I am looking forward to: Every morning when my husband wakes me up by rubbing my belly and saying good morning as the baby starts to move around under his hand. That is how he wakes me up every day and we spend ten minutes snuggling and feeling the baby. I am definately going to miss that when I'm not pregnant.

Milestones: I don't think I had any big deals this week. It's enough just being happily pregnant.

Week 28- Can it be?

Total weight gain: 20 pounds. Which I guess isn't terrible since that means I only gained 1lb in the past two weeks over the Holidays. I feel like a whale though, especially with the memory of the Grocery Store Girl still haunting me.

Maternity clothes? Yes but I'm still squeezing into my old jeans. LOL

Sleep: Practically non existent as my back is acting up again.

Best moment this week: Even though its aggrivating, it brings me joy that my husband "plays" with my son and gets the dopplar out to listen to him.

Gender: Definately a BOY!

Craving: Still Lemon -I even requested Lemon dessert for my babyshower. I figured it was fitting. LOL

Movement: Oh Yes. DH can feel him now. He felt him right before christmas for the first time. Now he just aggrivates him by poking my stomach just to feel him kick him. He loves it. Me? Not so much. That crap hurts.

Labor Signs: No.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep and lack of heartburn. The heartburn has kicked it up a notch.

What I am looking forward to: The ultrasound this afternoon. It's to check my placenta but I'm excited to get to see my little boy and how big he's gotten.

Milestones: Babyshower has been scheduled for February 6th. SQUEEEEE and we are ordering the crib this week. Double SQUEEEEEE We are now in 3rd Tri AND we have a name (TRIPLE AND QUADRUPLE SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES). (A lot happend over the past two weeks huh?