Today is the last day I will write to you in utero. Tomorrow our dream comes true and we start the process of meeting you. I hope you come tomorrow and don't delay the process. I woke up this morning and had so many thoughts running through my head and I wrote to my friends with this message. It says everything I was feeling this morning.
"So I woke up this morning with the realization
that today is the last day as just a married couple. Everything we have worked towards for the past four years, that we started 7 years ago, is culminating now.
Tomorrow we become parents. We become a family of three (even though we already are). Tomorrow (or shortly thereafter as the process could take awhile) we have this much desired, long awaited squirmy little boy entirely dependent on the two of us. Tomorrow we wake up at 5am to head to the hospital to have a baby!
And I have to admit, as much as we have wanted this, and worked toward this, and are ready for this....I am scared out of my every loving effing mind.
It's kind of a wierd feeling, realization to know it all comes down to this...our last day, our last morning...as just the two of us. I'm excited, scared, overwhelmed, anxious and every other emotional adjective you can think of. I never thought I would feel ALL OF THIS."
Your daddy and I are so excited to meet you and start our life. We are overwhelmed and excited and scared. We love you so much and tomorrow is approaching so fast. I hope we are everything you need us to be and that we can give you the best life and everything you deserve.
Love,
Your Mama
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Future. Show all posts
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
The Simple Conversations that shouldn't be taken for granted
While reading "babyproofing your marriage," I ran across an interesting statistic: 21% of couples do not agree on the number of children to have. 47% only think they agree (I may have that one slightly off as I'm doing this from memory). The woman usually gets the swing vote much to the dissatisfaction of the man. Couples actually bargain over having another kid trading things like weekly sex and chores. (Really? W.T.F. It's a child not a stock certificate!)
I know I've changed my mind several times over the years about how many munchkins I wanted and we have spent so much time and effort to get THIS ONE that we haven't really talked about overall family goals. We've talked abotu having another in two years and DH has only half joked about getting me knocked up immediately but nothing really past that.
So as we lay in bed reading, I casually turn to him and ask "so how many kids do you want?" Having been with the man for 6 years i was expecting a definitive TWO. he managed to surprise me with "as many as we can have." Okay. Taking into age and fertility? "2 or 3 is probably what we'll be able to do."
Just for shits and giggles, what if age weren't a factor? "As many as we could have which would still probably only be 2 or 3 because of affordability but if we could, I'd have more." (when did we become quiverfulls?)
Perfect answer though. I want two with an option of a third (assuming single births). I can't imagine having more so I think its safe to say my husband and I are in the statistical category of being in agreement. God how I love that man.
The fact that we can even have this conversation so casually feeling secure in our success of it is a wonder and blessing in itself. A year ago, I couldn'nt imagine planning our future children out with so much assurance but I'm finally feeling the peace and security of knowing I'm a mom and can plan to be a mom in the future.
I finally feel secure that I can give my husband his dreams (okay, not the duggar household, he can forget that!) without doubt.
After so many years of fear, this casual conversation with my soulmate can not pass without recognition. I can not take for granted the amazing gift I've been given to experience such peace and normalcy in a simple thing. A moment of discussing our future children with an assurance and peace of dreams that will happen.
I hope everyone has that moment and recognizeds it. Holds it in their hearts.
I know I've changed my mind several times over the years about how many munchkins I wanted and we have spent so much time and effort to get THIS ONE that we haven't really talked about overall family goals. We've talked abotu having another in two years and DH has only half joked about getting me knocked up immediately but nothing really past that.
So as we lay in bed reading, I casually turn to him and ask "so how many kids do you want?" Having been with the man for 6 years i was expecting a definitive TWO. he managed to surprise me with "as many as we can have." Okay. Taking into age and fertility? "2 or 3 is probably what we'll be able to do."
Just for shits and giggles, what if age weren't a factor? "As many as we could have which would still probably only be 2 or 3 because of affordability but if we could, I'd have more." (when did we become quiverfulls?)
Perfect answer though. I want two with an option of a third (assuming single births). I can't imagine having more so I think its safe to say my husband and I are in the statistical category of being in agreement. God how I love that man.
The fact that we can even have this conversation so casually feeling secure in our success of it is a wonder and blessing in itself. A year ago, I couldn'nt imagine planning our future children out with so much assurance but I'm finally feeling the peace and security of knowing I'm a mom and can plan to be a mom in the future.
I finally feel secure that I can give my husband his dreams (okay, not the duggar household, he can forget that!) without doubt.
After so many years of fear, this casual conversation with my soulmate can not pass without recognition. I can not take for granted the amazing gift I've been given to experience such peace and normalcy in a simple thing. A moment of discussing our future children with an assurance and peace of dreams that will happen.
I hope everyone has that moment and recognizeds it. Holds it in their hearts.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Great Education Soap Box
It is amazing to me the absolute ridiculous amount of opinions that come out of the woodwork when you bring up education. You would think you had just opened up the proverbial can of worms on the great debate of creation vs. evolution.
Here's the thing though, my child's education is not up for debate, opinions, or anything else from the peanut gallery. I don't actually give two shits what you think about my choices. I am the one living in this district with under performing schools, an extreme amount of cases of charges against teachers ranging from inappropriate behavior, drug selling to sexual misconduct with students. Our schools are grossly underfunded. Our state has the lowest teacher salaries in the country (its actually what we are known for unfortunately) and my district is a political cesspool of maintaining perfect integration among the schools while passing through children who can't read or write while we have one of the HIGHEST tax rates in the country not to mention an "education lottery" that does not supplement the education system but takes tax money away from the schools to be ear marked for special interest projects and replaces the same amount from the lottery. The great lottery has not added to our system at all but continues to make desperate low income poor people more poor. That's another rant at another time though.
There are a few good schools here. Don't get me wrong. Just like all over the country there are caring, excellent teachers in good quality schools there are the gems even in my district. Our district has an inter-district transfer policy "as long as space is available" but the problem is: there are no spaces in the good schools because everyone tries to get into them.
If you were lucky enough to have your child assigned to a good public school in your district, I am super happy for you. Really I am. I would love for public school to provide all kids with a great education but if you rely solely on what is given you without doing your research or striving for something better if it doesn't measure up, that is your failing not mine. My child is not going to pay the consequences for my states/districts incompetence or my laziness. DH and I have been looking at schools in our district and making plans and back up plans for the past three years, long before we ever got pregnant. Our original plan was actually to move to the desired district before we had to worry about it but we have changed our job and own educational plans and time lines and have to adjust our child's accordingly. Overall, we are doing what is best for our child's future.
We (collectively not just individually) put so much effort into choosing and purchasing the BEST and safest cribs, strollers, car seats, cars, organic foods, decisions on diapering, babysitters, day cares etc. We will pay out the nose for premium dog food so we aren't feeding our animals corn fillers but when it comes to the public education system versus paying for private school, people get in a tizzy and want to close people's wallets for political principles. You even make the mere mention of a controversial movie or article and people try to rip your opinions to shreds or belittle you for their own personal agendas (and I say that loosely, I am not implying everyone who chooses to discuss it with you of course).
Nothing is too good for my child and nothing is good enough for my child. If I find the public options lacking I damn sure will turn to private options and do what I have to do to finance it to give him the best options for his future.
I am blessed. I was raised well with a lot of opportunities most kids do not get. I was able to go to college without a doubt or question of making it through or finances. My parents have made sacrifices to give me and my children more opportunity than the generation before and DH and I are doing the same. Education is crucial in today's society for success and I will not apologize for being a well adjusted, well educated stable middle class household that will reach to go above and beyond what is "standard and acceptable" for everyone else s kids. My child is not everyone else s and his future and possibilities are determined by no one but DH and I. If you disagree with out choices so be it. I don't care. Your opinions have no bearing on our decisions that we have been formulating long before now with experience and research to back our decision up.
Here's the thing though, my child's education is not up for debate, opinions, or anything else from the peanut gallery. I don't actually give two shits what you think about my choices. I am the one living in this district with under performing schools, an extreme amount of cases of charges against teachers ranging from inappropriate behavior, drug selling to sexual misconduct with students. Our schools are grossly underfunded. Our state has the lowest teacher salaries in the country (its actually what we are known for unfortunately) and my district is a political cesspool of maintaining perfect integration among the schools while passing through children who can't read or write while we have one of the HIGHEST tax rates in the country not to mention an "education lottery" that does not supplement the education system but takes tax money away from the schools to be ear marked for special interest projects and replaces the same amount from the lottery. The great lottery has not added to our system at all but continues to make desperate low income poor people more poor. That's another rant at another time though.
There are a few good schools here. Don't get me wrong. Just like all over the country there are caring, excellent teachers in good quality schools there are the gems even in my district. Our district has an inter-district transfer policy "as long as space is available" but the problem is: there are no spaces in the good schools because everyone tries to get into them.
If you were lucky enough to have your child assigned to a good public school in your district, I am super happy for you. Really I am. I would love for public school to provide all kids with a great education but if you rely solely on what is given you without doing your research or striving for something better if it doesn't measure up, that is your failing not mine. My child is not going to pay the consequences for my states/districts incompetence or my laziness. DH and I have been looking at schools in our district and making plans and back up plans for the past three years, long before we ever got pregnant. Our original plan was actually to move to the desired district before we had to worry about it but we have changed our job and own educational plans and time lines and have to adjust our child's accordingly. Overall, we are doing what is best for our child's future.
We (collectively not just individually) put so much effort into choosing and purchasing the BEST and safest cribs, strollers, car seats, cars, organic foods, decisions on diapering, babysitters, day cares etc. We will pay out the nose for premium dog food so we aren't feeding our animals corn fillers but when it comes to the public education system versus paying for private school, people get in a tizzy and want to close people's wallets for political principles. You even make the mere mention of a controversial movie or article and people try to rip your opinions to shreds or belittle you for their own personal agendas (and I say that loosely, I am not implying everyone who chooses to discuss it with you of course).
Nothing is too good for my child and nothing is good enough for my child. If I find the public options lacking I damn sure will turn to private options and do what I have to do to finance it to give him the best options for his future.
I am blessed. I was raised well with a lot of opportunities most kids do not get. I was able to go to college without a doubt or question of making it through or finances. My parents have made sacrifices to give me and my children more opportunity than the generation before and DH and I are doing the same. Education is crucial in today's society for success and I will not apologize for being a well adjusted, well educated stable middle class household that will reach to go above and beyond what is "standard and acceptable" for everyone else s kids. My child is not everyone else s and his future and possibilities are determined by no one but DH and I. If you disagree with out choices so be it. I don't care. Your opinions have no bearing on our decisions that we have been formulating long before now with experience and research to back our decision up.
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