Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Happy EDD Matthew

Today is our Estimated Due Date. I figured I would have you in my arms by now. Even the Dr's had planned on inducing you to come early but my body and you decided otherwise. This messed up body of mine that had so much trouble getting pregnant decided it knew what it was doing with you. It loves you and did everything right. No gestational diabetes. No pre-e. No blood pressure issues. It loves keeping you safe and warm and all to ourself.

You should be ready to come into the world now though. Your daddy and I really want to meet you and snuggle you and smooch you and start this amazing life with you.

So happy EDD baby. You still have a few hours to kick it in to gear and if you come tomorrow, I won't consider you late. I think you would really enjoy being a March baby though.

Whenever you are ready darling but just so you know, we are getting an ultrasound tomorrow...and picking a day of eviction so you should probably prepare if you aren't ready to come on your own.

We love you to pieces and can't wait to meet you, whatever your birthday may be.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Writers Block- sort of

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've lost the desire to blog. I keep handwriting great entries, taking pictures, writing notes in my dayplanner of what to blog that day, but when I actually log on, my mind goes blank and/or I don't feel like typing up what I handwrote earlier.

I'm not sure what the deal is. I need to post all these pregnancy posts NOW because they won't be relevant when the baby is here and I'll be consumed with him.

Right now, I'm consumed with getting him here. My whole life is revolving around getting things ready (and the nursery is done! so I need to post pics!), walking, spending time with my husband, and just BEING before my world changes.

So forgive the temporary break. I'll probably have a posting blitz one night when I can't sleep after feeding my child or something and all of a sudden there will be a million posts to catch up on.

For now, I'm just trying to get through each day functioning through the pressure (it feels like a bowling ball pressing down on my pubic area), going to work, breathing through contractions, walking in the evening, cooking dinner, doing chores...just living normally while waiting for this next step.

Friday, March 18, 2011

38 Weeks and the Countdown is on

As I write this, I only have 12 official days left till my E.D.D./Two until the Full Moon that will be closer to the earth than ever before (at least in recent years). Things could get interesting around here in the next two weeks folks!

Total weight gain: Yesterday at the Dr. The scales read 40lbs. I almost cried.

Maternity clothes? Barely. I'm still rocking some premat clothes. I'm pretty proud of myself for doing so too. Where the heck is this 40lbs hanging out? My chin? Yea, I think so.

Sleep: Very little especially now that my Spring Allergies have kicked in and are draining down my throat!

Best moment this week: Feeling a little hand pushing back against my finger and trying to grasp it from under my skin. It was 3a.m. and had a dream like quality but I cried it was so awesome. (I cry a lot lately).

Gender: No question this is a boy. None (especially after the last ultrasound..wowzers!)

Craving: Bagel with Cream Cheese has been the flavor of the week though I'm not really craving anything.

Movement: Very strong movements still but lower now.

Labor Signs: Well, I have a LOT of pain and pressure in the lower stomach and my cervix is softening according to the dr. The Dr. measurements also say he has moved down a little but still no contractions.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: At this point, despite the lack of sleep etc, I don't really miss anything. i'm just trying to hold onto these amazing feelings of having an inside baby all to myself because I know soon I'm going to have to share him with the world.

What I am looking forward to: Finally finishing the nursery this weekend (hopefully).

Milestones: Baby moving downward so I guess we are getting ready for labor. I did at least pack a basic hospital bag to commemorate the event. LOL We also had Maternity Pics done! So excited!

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Simple Conversations that shouldn't be taken for granted

While reading "babyproofing your marriage," I ran across an interesting statistic: 21% of couples do not agree on the number of children to have. 47% only think they agree (I may have that one slightly off as I'm doing this from memory). The woman usually gets the swing vote much to the dissatisfaction of the man. Couples actually bargain over having another kid trading things like weekly sex and chores. (Really? W.T.F. It's a child not a stock certificate!)
I know I've changed my mind several times over the years about how many munchkins I wanted and we have spent so much time and effort to get THIS ONE that we haven't really talked about overall family goals. We've talked abotu having another in two years and DH has only half joked about getting me knocked up immediately but nothing really past that.
So as we lay in bed reading, I casually turn to him and ask "so how many kids do you want?" Having been with the man for 6 years i was expecting a definitive TWO. he managed to surprise me with "as many as we can have." Okay. Taking into age and fertility? "2 or 3 is probably what we'll be able to do."
Just for shits and giggles, what if age weren't a factor? "As many as we could have which would still probably only be 2 or 3 because of affordability but if we could, I'd have more." (when did we become quiverfulls?)
Perfect answer though. I want two with an option of a third (assuming single births). I can't imagine having more so I think its safe to say my husband and I are in the statistical category of being in agreement. God how I love that man.
The fact that we can even have this conversation so casually feeling secure in our success of it is a wonder and blessing in itself. A year ago, I couldn'nt imagine planning our future children out with so much assurance but I'm finally feeling the peace and security of knowing I'm a mom and can plan to be a mom in the future.
I finally feel secure that I can give my husband his dreams (okay, not the duggar household, he can forget that!) without doubt.
After so many years of fear, this casual conversation with my soulmate can not pass without recognition. I can not take for granted the amazing gift I've been given to experience such peace and normalcy in a simple thing. A moment of discussing our future children with an assurance and peace of dreams that will happen.
I hope everyone has that moment and recognizeds it. Holds it in their hearts.

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Nesting Bug

This morning I came to the realization that nesting isn't really about the baby at all. Having the nursery ready? Yea, that is baby nesting. Making sure the closets are spotless and there is not one dust bunny hiding under a piece of furniture? That's all about me.
Here's what I've come up with to explain away that phenomenon:
1) We know our world is going to crash around our ears. We try to prepare ourselves for sleepless nights, birth recovery etc by making it easy to ignore our normal chores. If the house is spotless, I don't need to clean and cook for the first week of his life!
2)People. We know people are going to stop in for a look at the new baby. Hopefully these are dearly loved ones who won't mind changing a diaper or even throwing a load of laundry in (like my mother) but we have it in our heads that our house has to be company ready and that we can appear to be super mom right off the bat because we have our shit together.
Here's the simple truth though: my house is rarely not company ready. yea, if you catch me by surprise you may see a clump of doghair at the base of a chair leg or a few soda cans & a plate on the coffee table, maybe some dishes in the sink. But that's called: "Lived In." (and yet I always need to apologize for those items when people actually do drop in!) I have some "hot spots" like the laundry monster that is confined to my master bedroom, but who doesn't? No ONE I know!
Furthermore, my kid isn't going to be crawling around on the floor in the first month so if my carpet isn't steam cleaned BEFORE he is born, its okay. I can do it over maternity leave even if I am bleary eyed!
I'm driving my neat freak self further insane trying to make everything "perfect" so that I can enjoy his arrival but I'm losing these last precious moments of anticipation; of being a couple excited and thrilled in these quiet days of impending chaos!
Can I reconcile myself to not stressing and overly cleaning? Probably not, but I think I might be able to give myself a healthy dose of chill pills and allow myself to just clean like normal and not go into frenzy mode busting out the kneepads, toothbrush and clorox for the nooks and crannys.
If for some reason you stop by though and see a pile of clothes needing folded or some dust settling on my hardwood floors in apatch of sunlight? Please don't mention it and call me out for being a slob! Just make a beeline for the happy adorable baby boy to distract you. I'm pretty sure he won't mind a little dirt in his life and will love me and my imperfections because lets be honest, I make damn good cookies, and he will think I am supermom for that alone.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Walk Like an Egyptian

that does not mean run out in the street demanding a change in governmental power(though right now that's not a half bad idea) or go burn down a church. The title is simply a statement on the lovely ways our bodies noticeably change our walking during pregnancy.
I have stooped clutching my back at various times like an old person with a cane who should be brandishing it with relish while shouting "hey you kids, get off my lawn!"
My current walking pattern mimics more closely a penguin waddle. Except I don't hold my head aloof with my sleek black and white coat glistening though my hair does resemble a fuzzy topknot most days. No, my waddle is not regal, but slow and painful and frumpy.

The discomfort in late pregnancy (that induces the waddle) is not from sheer girth I have found out. The size I can handle and function rather normally (minus shaving the ladybits & home pedicures). It's the agonizing gravitational pressure and pelvic/pubic pain that is making life difficult.
In all the pregnant people I've known, I odn't remember them talking about the pain just the pressure. The pressure I can deal with but the stabbing sharp pain with every left foot forward step is excruciating. It is making my life at work miserable as I have a roughly 1/4 mile walk just from the parking lot to my office.
I dread coming to work on a daily basis now but do not have enough vacation time to take off without cutting into FMLA so I have to stick it out 2 more weeks. I'm actually seeing why some people want their babies to come a tad early (one or two weeks only not the crazycakes who want to give birth at less than 37 weeks.
Flame if you must, but as i am 37 weeks today, I think I might actually have to "squee" (the excited kind) if I went into labor in the next week. Although I would appreciate it if he holds out until after the maternity shoot this weekend and my last trip to BRU on payday. If he needs to bake longer, I'm okay witht hat to, I just can't promise not to be a little ornery from time to time.
Maybe this is nature's way of getting us over our fears and nerves about labor and becoming a new parent: make us extremely uncomfortable & physically miserable, emotionally worn down so we don't care about the pain and potential negatives and fear. We just want to meet this little evil mastermind that has been systematically thumping our insides monotonously like interior chinese water torture untilwe go insane.
While I love every second and will miss him being safe and secure in there, I'm definitely gearing up to really wanting to meet my baby (and yea get my body back.)

Week 37

Since I missed last weeks update, I snapped a pic a few weeks ago and decided to post both weeks tonight.

Total weight gain: Houston We Have a Problem. At the Dr's on Monday I had gained an astounding 36.5 pounds total according to their records. That is fast approaching 40 and that scares me to death.

Maternity clothes? Yea. But I am still holding out with two pairs of pre-mat pants that I unbutton when I sit. LOL

Sleep: So So. Never enough though.

Best moment this week: Realizing I only have a week or two versus MONTHS.

Gender: This is pretty pointless too since he is obviously a very stubborn boy that takes after his daddy.

Craving: Southwest Salad, steak and potato

Movement: Very strong movements still but lower now.

Labor Signs: Well, I have a LOT of pain and pressure in the lower stomach and my cervix is softening according to the dr.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep and living off Zantac and Tums.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this little guy.

Milestones: Full Term in the technical sense.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Irrationally, Illogically Pissed Off

It's a mood. I know it is. It's like when AF is coming and you know you are pmsing but you still can't control yourself. I'm just irrationally, illogically pissed at the world.

I'm tired, I'm in pain, and I'm uncomfortable. I am constipated and bloated. I don't want to go to work everyday. It hurts to walk around. My husband is great but I need some fucking help up in this joint.

He finally got a break from school and he gets sick so instead of getting some relief, I get more work dumped on me because we all know a mancold trumps pregnancy. Why is it that when I was puking my guts up a few weeks ago while pregnant, and weak I still managed to take care of the dogs etc but when he is home sick, I have to take over his turn with the dogs and everything else? EVEN when I'm having contractions.

And all this is just pointless ranting. Because its one day in time and soon to be over and I KNOW that my mood is close to the insanity point right now. I'm taking everything out of proportion and personally. I know THIS! But I can't stop it.

I'm feeling lost and emotional and like a beached whale ready to snap someone's head off.