Friday, April 29, 2011


It has arrived. We are dealing. Mylicon and Gripe Water are on hand. We have switched formulas to Similac Fussy and Gassy. I'm trying to watch what I eat and avoid foods that cause gas in both of us. So far that is a lot of vegetables which sucks.

Colic sucks. It hurts when I can't make him happy and comfortable but we are getting through it. The good days help get me through the rough nights. Seeing his smile and his complete focus on me as he becomes more aware and attentive make it all worth it. I just wish I could take his discomfort away.

Seeing your child in pain and unhappy is the worst feeling in the world.

Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm getting the hang of it

Being a mom that is. The first week was really hard. My baby was amazing but it was hard to move after the csection so I had a hard time doing things. Last week I was feeling better and overdid a few days because the difference in how i felt was tremendous.

This week, I'm starting to feel normal instead of just better. I still spend the majority of the time in the recliner cuddling my baby, changing diapers, feeding, etc. but I've learned to sneak in dishes, laundry, cooking dinner, etc. in there as well. We have even started more of a routine at bedtime.

You use what works: PnP, swing, bouncy chair, even infant carrier so you can get something done. I've stopped sleeping in the recliner but I'm still sleeping with Matthew. Yep, I'm that mom. I did what I said I wouldn't do...I put the baby in the bed with me. We start out in the Master bedroom and when he wakes up for his first diaper change and feeding, we head to his room where I have a daybed. We sleep in that the rest of the night so we don't disturb DH through feedings and changes etc. I'm hoping that over the next few weeks I will be able to transition him to his crib. (He's a restless sleeper and makes noises and moves a lot so I'm constantly checking on him if he's not sleeping WITH me).

I can't promise I will begin blogging soon. I want to but you would probably get bored really fast by the minute details of my son. As I develop routines and figure out this whole motherhood thing though, I will have more to say, more adventures to relate, and new things about this precious boy to enamor you with.

My new mom advice?
Just do what you feel you have to in the beginning no matter what your long term goals are (I.E. sleeping in the bed with you).

Disposable Diapers-even for you diehard cloth diaperers. i recommend disposables for the first week or two especially if you have a c-section. The crazy amount of diapers he went through and as hard as it was for me to do anything, I can't imagine keeping up with laundry for dirty diapers.

Bottled Water and Snacks- keep them spread out through the house so that if you are in a recliner feeding the baby you have water and food right there. When you are trying to produce milk it doesn't help things if you never eat. There were days I didn't eat at all just because I didn't think about it I was so consumed with the baby.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

The Birth of Matthew

It took me awhile to commit to writing this post. I didn't want to be all negative nelly scare the crap out of everyone. I also didn't want to relive everything so quickly. I needed space to make it seem not so bad so that maybe in a few years I will do it again. I honestly miss being pregnant. And this amazing little boy is fabulous. I can't imagine not trying to create another amazing baby so he has someone to grow up with and has a family.

On April 4th, we awoke in the wee hours of the morning to pack up the car, take the dogs out and head to the hospital. I was scared to death. We arrived at 6am to be induced. I had been having some contractions and pressure but was only 80% effaced and no dialation.

We had to wait about an hour before they took us to our room and started the preperations. By 10 am I had my IV's, monitors hooked up and Cervidril was administered. So now it was a waiting game. My contractions picked up and came evenly about 5 minutes apart all day but they were barable. After 12 hours, I was still not dilated but they felt I was more effaced and decided to go with Pitocin.

The contractions picked up intensity and were every 2 to 3 minutes but still pretty barable. However, by 6 pm the next day (tuesday the 5th) I was still not dilated any further. My Dr. (Dr. M) who was on duty decided to stop the Pitocin and do a round of Cytotech which is what he would have done in the beginning had he been there. So we took a 2 hour break and I was finally able to eat and wash up and stretch my legs. After two days of Pepsi and Orange Popcicles, that 6" subway sandwich was the best thing on earth. I wanted to eat a 12".

The nurse also switched my very painful IV to the other hand. The first dose of Cytotech went in at 8. Second dose a little after midnight. That was probably the most restful night we had in the hospital. I was by this point, swollen from the multiple bags of fluid they were pumping in to me, my back was aching from the uncomfortable bed and contractions but that night they let me go without the fluid bags and I managed a little sleep.

At 4a.m. I started having bad cramps that woke me up. I tried to doze through them but they were getting increasingly worse. At 4:30a.m. one hit me really hard and I decided to get up and pee. As soon as I sat up I felt a dribble and didn't think I would make it to the bathroom. When I stood up I felt wetness run down my leg and I thought I was peeing on myself but I stared at the clear water around my foot in the dim light and thought ...hmmmm. I made it into the bathroom before my water completely broke but I did leave a nice water trail across the room and a nice large puddle on the bathroom floor. I have to admit, it scared me. I was dazed from sleep, and as soon as I sat on the toilet contractions started coming hard and fast. I yelled for DH. He woke up and ran for a nurse. Everything happened so fast right in there but yet it was the longest day of my life.

They hooked me back up, checked me, and I had finally dilated to a one. The contractions were so hard that they didn't need to administer Pitocin. I was in full blown labor. I got the Epidural by 6a.m. The epidural was no picnic. Don't let people lie to you. It hurts for a few minutes but is much better then the contractions. The numbing is very disconcerting. That was the hardest part for me. Feeling my legs like dead tree stumps and not being able to move them. Trying to roll over or move at all was horrible because I couldn't do it myself. From there, everything stood still. I couldn't feel the pain anymore so the day drug by with little improvement. I was checked repeatedly through the day but made little progress. By 9 or so I was 4cm dilated. By 2pm? Still 4cm dilated. By 6pm? Still 4 cm dilated and they started talking csection.

I cried. I wanted to avoid that at all possible costs but I was on my third day. My water had been broken for over 12 hours AND I had had an EPI for that long as well. I knew in my heart, I didnt have a choice. My bloodpressure had been dropping and they were dosing me with meds to get it back up. My body was exhausted. I cried harder than I've ever cried in my life. By 9pm my husband had finally convinced me to say yes even though the staff had already determined I was getting a c-section anyway.

The anesthesia team came in and gave me the meds for the csection through the Epi. As they were fixing to transfer me to the bed to go to the OR a call came in. They had an emergency and needed the OR and anesthesia team so they didn't lose a baby. My baby was fine and under no distress so I got bumped.

An hour later my entire EPI had worn off and I was screaming in pain. Another hour after that, the anesthesia team came back in and dosed me up. Things finally started to fly. I was half concious. I was so tired at this point that I was barely there. I remember my husband in his "bunny suit" ready to go to the OR. I remember my mom and sister and dad being there and taking pictures.

I remember being scared as they moved me from table to table to table because I had no control of my body at all. My husband came in and stroked my head and held my hand. I was scared but calm. My nurses were awesome and we talked about retail therapy. There was a ton of pressure. I said OW even though it felt more wierd than painful.

At 3:32a.m. April 7th, I heard them say "call time....3:32" and then I heard the most wonderful sound in the world. My baby's cry. I couldn't see him but my husband gripped my hand. They asked my husband if he wanted to cut the cord but he said he wanted to stay with me.

When they finished weighing him and cleaning him up they brought him to me and laid him next to my head. 7lbs 3 ounces, 20 inches long. I was able to kiss him, (snot all over him with my tears) and touch his face. He was the most amazing beautiful thing I had ever seen. They handed him to my husband and he sat with me and held our son for the next hour. I faded for a little a bit towards the end. (blood pressure and meds as I learned later I had started bleeding out and my blood pressure tanked, they drugged me up).

I do remember them tranferring me to another bed and rolling down the hall with my husband following me pushing the baby. I was wheeled into recovery and they wanted to take the baby to the nursery so I sent my husband with him.

As I lay in the room, I kept drifting off and everytime I did the alarm would wake me up because I would quit breathing and my blood oxygen levels would go to 0. They finally put an oxygen tube on me. About 30 minutes later my husband came back. He had left the baby in the nursery with my mom standing guard outside the window crying her eyes out.

As we talked I became more alert and my blood oxygen levels improved so they finally sent me to our room and wheeled my little boy in shortly after. Finally, our little family was together and alone. It was now 7a.m. and the sun was shining in our window. I had lost all since of time.

They told me that my recovery would be harder than normal because I had labored so long and that I would never be able to have a vaginal birth and if I want to have another baby they recommend a scheduled csection. I wasn't quite prepared for the recovery of a csection but that's another post for another day. This post is simply about the hard 4 day road we traveled to bring the most amazing little boy in the world out for everyone to meet.

He's beautiful and perfect and as hard as it was, I would do it all over again the same way just to see his face.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

MIA and First Pips of Matthew Levi

It's been two weeks and those that follow me on facebook know what I've been going through. I fully intend to post a birth story and pictures and follow up info etc. I have a ton of ideas for posts but right now I'm just trying to muddle through and adjust to being a new mom, recovering from a hard delivery/c-section (seriously 72 hours and bleeding out during surgery- landed me a week stay at the Hospital).

Dealing with the challenges of breastfeeding with low supply and a hungry growing boy that I can't keep up with.

But life is good. There are snuggles and smiles, cuddles and kisses and the most amazing beautiful little boy in the history of the world. (don't argue with me, I know these things!).

So to pacify you until I get the hang of managing my time and actually put this little monster down long enough to type out something (much less do laundry or something productive) I will leave you with an introduction to Matthew Levi via a hillarious picture from the hospital.

And one that I just love: Daddy and mini-me

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Dear Matthew

Today is the last day I will write to you in utero. Tomorrow our dream comes true and we start the process of meeting you. I hope you come tomorrow and don't delay the process. I woke up this morning and had so many thoughts running through my head and I wrote to my friends with this message. It says everything I was feeling this morning.

"So I woke up this morning with the realization
that today is the last day as just a married couple. Everything we have worked towards for the past four years, that we started 7 years ago, is culminating now.

Tomorrow we become parents. We become a family of three (even though we already are). Tomorrow (or shortly thereafter as the process could take awhile) we have this much desired, long awaited squirmy little boy entirely dependent on the two of us. Tomorrow we wake up at 5am to head to the hospital to have a baby!

And I have to admit, as much as we have wanted this, and worked toward this, and are ready for this....I am scared out of my every loving effing mind.

It's kind of a wierd feeling, realization to know it all comes down to this...our last day, our last just the two of us. I'm excited, scared, overwhelmed, anxious and every other emotional adjective you can think of. I never thought I would feel ALL OF THIS."

Your daddy and I are so excited to meet you and start our life. We are overwhelmed and excited and scared. We love you so much and tomorrow is approaching so fast. I hope we are everything you need us to be and that we can give you the best life and everything you deserve.

Your Mama

Friday, April 1, 2011

Past 40 Weeks- Last update?

Total weight gain: 44lbs. ::stares in shock and horror::

Maternity clothes? Barely. I'm still rocking some premat clothes. I'm pretty proud of myself for doing so too. I swear my weight has shifted more above the belt line. Isn't he supposed to be DROPPING?

Sleep: Very little. I can not get comfortable and I feel like a beached whale.

Best moment this week: Scheduling Induction and the nursery is complete!!

Gender: A very stubborn adorable bouncy boy.

Craving: turkey Hot dogs

Yep. Still an active baby but he's staying head down, feet in the ribs.

Labor Signs: Ummmmm....HA. I have a LOT of contractions. Some painful, some not. 80% effaced but no dialation.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: The hopefuly excitement and relaxed pregnancy feelings sharing with my husband. We are both getting a little impatient simply because of discomfort and lack of sleep. I want to enjoy every last second of pregnancy because I KNOW I'm going to miss being pregnant and feeling him move but we are anxious to meet him and be a little more comfortable in my body again.

What I am looking forward to: Meeting this little boy and seeing my husband finally truly hold him.

Milestones: Complete and utter FULL TERM!

Sex- It's whats for dinner

Or at least on the menu. My husband is impatient to share the baby. he's ready to meet his little boy and start being a hands on father. I think he's also ready for me to be more comfortable. My discomfort is wearing on him I think, especially when I can't sleep.
So since 38 weeks, DH has been pulling out all the OWT to get baby moving. (none of which have worked btw). Partly too, because he started his new semester at school and was nervous I'd go into labor while he's in class at night. Our son had other plans.
We had hoped the "super moon" would work its magic. to help it along DH walked me until I couldn't take another step then gave me a message and worked sex into the equation. Rince. Repeat.
The past two weeks have been a merry go round of work, eat, walk for miles, sex. I think we've had as much sex tryign to get this kid here as we did to creat him! Sex while on Clomid and metformin is pretty uncomfortable/painful (for me) but sex while fully pregnant with swelling, pressure, etc? yea, that may take the trophy for pain and discomfort!
But like the US postal service, not rain, snow sleet or hail (or in this case pain, gritted teeth, moans or yells) keeps him from finishing his task. if it weren't for the fact that I know hes about to go on a 6 week sexual hiatus (except for blowjobs and even thats questionable right now) I'd probably wear a chastity belt to keep him away since his efforts are not helping. But how do you deny that fierce determination?
He's already "informed" me that this entire weekend is dedicated to a walking/sex-athon. He thinks for the next few days, there is nothing more important than us going for multiple walks and having repeated sex even though induction is already scheduled he still wants to try and go into labor on our own. ::sigh:: Should be fun right? I'm exhausted just thinking about it.