Thursday, September 30, 2010

Old Wive's Tale Tracking

Let’s start keeping track of the old wives’ tales to see the accuracy shall we? After all it is only about 6 weeks from our anatomy scan. (Holy crap, time is flying!).

Pin Trick –says girl.

Heart Rate- says girl.

Carrying Low- Says girl (though my northern friend swears that means boy.)

Chinese Gender Calendar- says boy.

Craving Sweets-Girl (although my sweets craving isn’t that strong. I definitely am NOT craving salty or spicy foods though which denote boy).

Have another Old Wives Tale gender predictor? Let me have it and I’ll try it for the fun of it. (No Intelligender suggestions please. I’m too cheap to spend money on silly fun.)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Chicken Noodle Casserole

I was looking for something I could throw together quickly and inexpensively. We are on a budget crunch for the next few weeks as a lot of things have been going on above and beyond our normal bills (birthday party, Steve’s birthday present, T’s birthday present, shutting down the pool –chemicals and maybe a new cover- etc.) So one of the area’s to cut back is the grocery bill. If any of you have an Aldi’s grocery store, you know how cheaply you can shop but you also know there are certain items to stay away from. I am a brand snob when it comes to certain things so I’m a two grocery store person now a days. Considering our completely bare pantry/fridge, I did pretty good to cut our normal $150ish food bill down to 80 this week (includes non food items such as laundry detergent as well as my husbands soft drink addiction). This recipe is one of my new inventions to suit a budget crunch. Needs a bit of tweaking but it is well on its way.

Chicken/Turkey Noodle Casserole
1 pack Chicken tenders (or leftover pieces of turkey etc.)
1 tbs oil
1 medium yellow onion diced
1 pack egg noodles al dente
2 cans cream of chicken soup
½ cup milk
1 cup frozen green peas
1 can coined carrots
1 can mixed veggies
1 cup shredded cheese
Salt and pepper to taste
1/8 tsp garlic powder
1 cup French’s Fried Onion topper
1 cup Bread crumbs (or stuffing mix)

Heat oil on stove and cook chicken WITH diced onions until chicken is cooked through. I sprinkled my salt/pepper/garlic powder on the chicken before cooking to flavor the chicken.

While chicken is cooking (and noodles are cooking), in a 13 x 9 casserole dish, pour strained cans of veggies and frozen peas. Add cans of chicken soup and mix. Pour hot noodles over this mixture and add milk and cheese. Mix well. Layer over the top: chicken and onion mixture, French’s onion toppers and bread crumbs. Bake for 30 minutes in a 350 degree oven until bubbly and browned. Serve hot.

Menu errr Wednesday

I know I'm late for posting this week so without fluff and stuff here you go! For a rainy, cooler fall week:

Chicken Noodle Casserole

Potato Soup with Filet Mignon

Pretzel Chicken with broccoli florets smothered in mustard cheese sauce

Creamy Pea Pasta

Hamburgers and fries

chicken something or other that I haven't decided yet.

Apple Pie

14 Week Update

How far along? 14 weeks
Total weight gain: Still Minus 1 this morning
Maternity clothes? Nope though I have pulled out my one size larger pants from before I lost weight.
Sleep: Would be great if I didn’t have to get up and pee every 30 minutes. Starting to get uncomfortable on my back and stomach and I’ve always had trouble sleeping on my sides
Best moment this week: Having my stomach start to round just a tad bit and get firmer
Gender: Still leaning towards girl but having doubts.
Movement: No.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Not having heartburn
What I am looking forward to: Gender/Anatomy Scan
Weekly Wisdom: If you were previously a “attack the cleaning on the weekend with a vengeance person, I suggest changing routine to doing a bit each day so you aren’t over doing it on the weekend at one whack. Trust me, it really all gets done. Milestones: Fall is here! Not really a milestone but makes for a happier pregnant me.

PCOS Symptoms During Pregnancy

Let’s dispel another pesky myth the doctor’s tell you: PCOS symptoms lessen during pregnancy. BRRRRUUURRRRRNNNNNTTTTT (my best guess of spelling that annoying buzzer sound).

The only PCOS symptom that has “disappeared” for me is the crazy non regular periods with heavy clotting and cramps. Well DUH, I’m pregnant; I would HOPE that had disappeared. What they FAIL to tell you is that all those other symptoms that are taboo to discuss increase.

Oh yes, my dears, if you think you had some stray eyebrow hairs before (aka on your chin), be prepared for a full on BEARD during pregnancy. That delicate mustache you insist on calling peach fuzz? You can now give Yosemite Sam a run for his money.

Now I, personally, have always had extra thick hair and great nails and pregnancy has definitely enhanced those traits. My nails are gorgeous, my hair is lustrous and growing long and my skin, while a bit oilier, is actually clear for the most part.

Did I mention I now have to tweeze my boobs though? Go ahead, reread. I’ll wait.

Done? Okay. I have a feeling; it won’t be too long before I have to shave my stomach. (and you thought the boob statement was going to be the worst! HA). There is now hair growing on every inch of my body I think. Shaving the ladybits has become a lesson in HEDGE trimming and sapling sawing. If it was a forest before, it’s a jungle now and frankly I’m too darned lazy to care a whole heck of a lot.

Plan on shaving those legs every day too. I used to be able to get away with every other day but that went out the window about 3 weeks ago.

Needless to say, while you are struggling to eat healthy, trying to stay awake, keep your balance and not look like a frumpy ragamuffin everyday, you also get the extra bonus of looking like a sasquatch! I’m not complaining, I just don’t want you all to be disillusioned about what lies ahead.

My darling husband has been kind enough to offer to teach me to shave my face on numerous occasions as I hog the bathroom mirror EVERY night hunting those chin hairs and using wax strips. Not helping darling.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Fat Girl Bumpology 101

It’s no secret that I am a large girl. Amazonian in fact. If you can’t tell by my pictures, I’m fat. I’ve always fought my weight since the onset of puberty (now we know why, thank you PCOS). What you may not be able to tell is that I am also 6 foot tall. So the word large is not at all a foreign word to me. To be an overweight woman, I do carry my weight well (I’ve even had Dr.’s tell me that so I’m not delusional here people.)

I think there are of course stigma’s and myths associated with being an overweight pregnant woman though. First, anyone and everyone who has read What to expect When you are Expecting has probably had it ingrained in their heads that it is a malicious thing to do to a future child to get pregnant while overweight by even a pound. That book is hateful. Second, if you do get pregnant, you are surely going to have complications and Gestational Diabetes and Pre-E etc. So what about those girls that “didn’t know they were pregnant?” Well let’s talk about those because that ties into this whole myth thing.

Obviously, as a larger woman you are told not to gain much weight while pregnant. Your body will not starve the baby if you aren’t eating for two but will use some of your fat deposits for energy. SCORE! So based on this information and MTV you automatically go into pregnancy thinking you will never show, never have a bump and if you are lucky at 32 weeks or so, your fat will round out and you will for a few weeks look like you are pregnant before giving birth to a baby elephant (or having the baby fall out on your shoe, take your pick). NOT TRUE.

I chose to get pregnant while overweight for many reasons. 1) I am 32 years old with PCOS and struggled for 3 years to get pregnant with meds. 2) My dr. deemed my body healthy and capable to carry a child with little problem. 3) My physicals came back normal. I did however, struggle to be as healthy as possible which included quitting smoking and losing 44 pounds. I was absolutely confident that I could maintain my weight and be healthy during pregnancy.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Lies, lies and more lies. I have seen a specialist and I am at a higher risk for GD and Pre-E but just as much so because of PCOS than because of my weight. Put the two together and wa-la, greater risk. I have tried to maintain my weight diligently and did great…until this week.

As soon as second tri hit, it was like a light bulb went off in my body and BAM, instant pooch. Here’s what happens when a fat girl “pops” (though I highly doubt it can be considered a pop but for lack of better terms, lets go with it). Ready?

Your fat pokes out. You can’t tell you are pregnant unless you know someone intimately. Sure enough though, that pooch, roll, gut, whatever you want to call it, is rounding out, getting hard and STICKING OUT THERE but not in a cute bumpish sort of way. More like a “I just ate 20 cheeseburgers from Mickey D’s sort of way.”

I could possibly take a picture but I’m not sure there is a way to take it without losing some of my ego and/or grossing anyone out with a picture of my fat encased in jeans. I have a feeling that my idea that I could go to almost 30 weeks without maternity clothes was probably a pipe dream at best. I’m not sad I am showing after all, but it is kind of disconcerting as a woman who has always watched her weight to see a two pound scale difference but what appears to be a 15 lb difference in my clothes. I am in my FAT GIRL jeans overnight! You know, those jeans I kept from when I was 44 lbs heavier as a reminder of what I was? Yea, I’m wearing those today. They are still falling off my arse and bagging at the hips, but not very loose in the stomach. My regular jeans still fit but are way too uncomfortable when sitting. I went for comfort.

So to all my fat girls out there, be warned. Your bodies don’t do what we think they are going to do and I can imagine if I’m showing now, this could get really awkward here in 20 weeks. I’m imagining Shamu tossing on a beach while children laugh and point.

To all you skinny huzzies, don’t snicker behind your computer screens, because your bodies can do funky things too and I hate you. Just kidding. I don’t. I would love to have a beautiful bump and not look like a beached well. Bravo for you for keeping fit and trim!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

For Matthew

Sometimes you can't let the pain in. You hear some news that hurts your heart until you physically feel the pain trying to tear out of your chest, but you can't let it take you over because you have to remember you have a baby to protect.

When you have been through loss and pain and struggle, and you bond with others, you intimately feel their hurt and love with every thought and breath. No matter what you have been through though, you can't imagine what it is like for them as they fight their way through this battle.

All you can do is pray. Pray like crazy and hope beyond hope that miracles happen and that they find the strength to make it through.

Today another life went home to heaven, but I still can’t wrap my brain around the unfairness of it all. How such kind people that I know have to go through tragedy over and over again. I know there is a plan for everyone and something great is in their future, but is it truly necessary to inflict this much pain and heartbreak on such good people?

I am no one to question God, and I pray that he gives this family peace and strength and shows them his light and love on a path riddled with trials. I pray that Matthew Finley is with his sister Katie Jane in heaven watching over their parents with pride and love at the lives they were almost given and they know above all else, that their parents loved them more than anything in the world. People all over the world who have followed their short journeys continue to love and pray for them and their parents.

I am truly heartbroken by the news. I just want to snuggle in with my arms wrapped around my own baby and know that he/she is safe and healthy inside and that I will meet a happy baby in March. I know it is all out of our control but I can’t help but feel this pain intimately. I have known so many to suffer loss halfway through and I grieve with them. This is just a reminder of all those who have come before and I can’t help but grieve all over for all of them.

To all of you who have been through loss, I am thinking of you today. Today I will shed tears for all the babies I know who are playing with the angels. Today, I cry for sweet TW’s family and precious baby Matthew Finley. I will laugh for the joy and hope that these babies brought to their parents even if only for mere moments in time. I will smile for the hearts they have touched in their short existences. I will remember for they will never be forgotten and will always be a light shining in this world for many people. Today, I will pray for those families who grieve and hope God grants them peace and strength. Tonight, when I lay down to sleep, I will dream of these beautiful children who have gone before us, playing in a meadow on a beautiful day, forever free and happy knowing only that they have been loved so deeply, no harm from this world can ever touch them. They will never know the pain we know, the horrors of the world, the uncertainty of future, the anguish of struggle and loss. They will know only of the feelings of absolute love they experienced in their few moments, and the happiness of the place they are in now.

Fruit Pics- Week 11 and 12

I am officially in 2nd Trimester and other then still being tired after an overly full day yesterday and my sleep still being messed up I still can't tell I'm pregnant. LOL Before I start posting in the second tri though, I wanted to finish First Tri's pic's up. Our schedules were off the past few weeks so I ended up taking this pics by myself so don't blame the fabulous Beth for my poor photography. LOL

Week 11-Lime
(with a Key Lime Cupcake)

Week 12-Plum
(with the beautiful moon rising over over the trees in my front yard. )

Friday, September 24, 2010

Hi, I think my name is psycho Hormonal crazy pants

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Is this the psycho hormones I always hear about? I have MOCKED people for blaming hormones for their behavior but now I’m not so sure I should be doing that.

Let’s start with me being a horrible mother. Lately, my dogs (the doxies) have been whining at night. Nothing is wrong with them, they just aren’t sleeping and whining to get out of their crates and be with us. They have been in their routine for TWO years so I don’t know why this whining has started now! They have always whined when the sun was up and/or they hear the alarm going off. They want out to use the bathroom understandably. But ALL NIGHT LONG? That is new.

The past two nights, I chalked it up to them hearing my husband up moving around as he’s had an upset stomach. I’m also thinking my more frequent bathroom trips at night are causing them unrest as they hear me. Last night however, two hours after bed, they woke ME up whining. I yelled at them. Ten minutes later, whining resumed. I yelled again. Same thing. So I finally get up and go in there, and pop their little butts. (yes, on occasion, I lightly pop their butts-it hurts their feelings more than anything, get over it.) Finally silence. An hour later, I woke up to resumed whining. I LOST MY SHIT. I took my poor little dogs, crates and all and put them outside on the porch. I was so tired, I just wanted sleep and was at my wits end and cramps had kicked in real low stressing me out. Of course, I didn’t get any sleep the rest of the night because I laid in bed and cried my eyes out because I was such a horrible mother and started thinking about the long nights ahead with a screaming child which I absolutely can not stick in a crate and dump outside. (I also can not call in to work because of whining dogs where I can with a sick child). (BTW, this is the first time in 13 years, I have ever put a dog outside like that-in fact my 13 yo Chow/shepherd mix glared at me, like “wtf are you doing mom.” And slept by the back door where the doxies were at).

So needless to say, my husband woke up to me- a balling panicky mess this morning that is completely exhausted, feeling quite inhumane and cruel and thinking I am going to be the worst mother in history.

My dogs are fine. It was a beautiful balmy night and I went to the back door to see them snoozing away and happy as clams when I let them out to potty. They were their normal overly loving selves when we came back in the house.

I get to work and am immediately bombarded by a nasty email from one of our counterparts in Germany. He copied the higher ups and completely LIED in his email and distorted the situation. My boss told me what he was going to reply and it was basically just letting him do what he wants because he didn’t want to deal with him and did not address the issue of the lies. I LOST IT. (and I don’t lose it at work people. I am a hardass and I become a complete bitch. I DO NOT EFFING CRY.) I started uncontrollably sobbing. Of course I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom where I spent a half hour soaking my face in cold rags and slobbering into a wad of toilet paper. I AM A MESS.

I did regain some semblance of composure and wrote a very scathing reply with facts and supporting documents and sent it to my boss. He laughed at me and he can send it as is or change it. I don’t care. Since then I have fought the tears by stuffing my face with Coco Rice Krispy treats from a co-worker.

W.T.F. is wrong with me? Is this just hormones? Is this lack of sleep? Combination of both? Or am I really doomed to be a psycho mom that gets her kids taken away because I dump them on the porch at night? I feel completely out of my element, and barely myself. What happened to me?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Early onset of Panic

When is it normal for the panic to set in? I feel like I have all the time in the world and milestones can’t get here fast enough. I feel like I should hold off buying anything or even registering till Christmas time (I have a week’s vacation then plus will know the sex.) For some reason though, I am feeling this little bubble of panic. I am RUNNING OUT OF TIME! There is too much to do! Too much to buy! Too much to get! I’m never going to be ready!

On the other hand I have TOO much to do outside of baby, to take the time to do anything FOR baby. I’m in panic mode getting ready for this big party at my house this weekend for my dad’s 60th birthday.

Then I have to throw all my energy into decorating for fall, getting the Halloween party set up. After that I will throw myself into Thanksgiving preperations and the excitement of finding out baby’s sex! Once I do though, I have to worry about getting through Christmas! Sometime in there I may actually need to buy maternity clothes!

All these wonderful things that I have planned to keep my occupied, focused and busy are suddenly drowning me! What switch flipped in my brain when I hit 13 weeks at the first day of fall, that sent me from “keep busy” to “oh crap, I’m screwed”. I was so afraid of focusing on this baby too much and fearing loss that I overbooked myself and now I may have taken away some of that time to not only ENJOY the baby in utero but to Prepare for this baby!

I can do this right? Is this normal to get a hopefully short term flash of panic at the onset of 2nd tri? Does anyone have a spare copy of Baby Bargains? ::breathes into paper bag::

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Let's Start the Weekly Updates shall we?-Week 13

Today is Week 13. Saturday will be officially 2nd tri but today seems like the milestone to me. I guess its time to start doing Weekly Updates huh? I probably should have started them long ago but I had all these little milestones to get through in my head to be “safe.” Well even once I pass them, I just didn’t pick up the habit.

Don’t count on Belly Pics anytime soon though. I’m still sitting right at my same start weight (which is a good thing since I’m starting out overweight according to my docs.) I fluctuate between a three-four pound range. Today technically I am one pound under my start weight but I’m sure I’ll be back to my start weight tomorrow. LOL

I am still wearing all my same clothes and there is no bump. When I’m bloated my fat sticks out a little more but that’s about it. So I doubt there will be a progression of bump pics weekly any time in the near future. The curse of being a pregnant fat girl. Meh.

13 WEEK Update
How far along? 13 weeks
Total weight gain: Minus 1
Maternity clothes? Nope.
Sleep: Uneven and uncomfortable.
Best moment this week: Reaching 13 weeks.
Gender: Leaning toward girl.
Movement: No.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss: Sleep.
What I am looking forward to: Officially being in 2nd tri.
Weekly Wisdom: Do not plan huge parties to be hosted by you during your late 1st trimester.
Milestones: Reaching 2nd Tri on Saturday.

Key Lime Cupcakes

National Cupcake Week was last week and I did manage to bake a batch of cupcakes that went over in a big way here at work. This recipe is courtesy of Mrs.Beth and is a refreshing light cupcake with a citrus flavor and to-die-for icing. It’s also great because its one of the few that is not completely from scratch so it can be made in a hurry with minimal effort for last minute school functions and potlucks! Everyone (even the best cooks/bakers) need a recipe like this hanging around!

Key Lime Cupcakes

For the cake:

1 box white cake mix
3 eggs
1/3 cup oil
(B uses the zest of two limes, I left that out)
One small container of Key Lime Juice (gives you about ¾ cup) (then add enough water to this to make 1 cup of liquid) ( B uses-juice of 6 limes plus the water)

Mix and bake as directed.
Cool on a wire rack.

For the icing:

1 8oz package of cream cheese-softened
1 stick butter -softened
1 cup powdered sugar
1 cup finely crushed graham crackers
splash of milk if needed (you will need it)

I mix my cream cheese and butter really well first, then slowly add the
sugar. Add a splash of milk if needed to bring icing to proper consistency. Add graham cracker crumbs last and mix well.

I think you know how to combine the icing and cupcakes. If you need directions, we have bigger problems than my blog can address. ;)

Michael Simonesque Lasagna

I was watching Paula Deen this past weekend (DVR’d show) and her guest was Michael Simon (my favorite Iron Chef). They were making his Mom’s lasagna. It intrigued me because he made a thick meat sauce that wasn’t really a sauce so the lasagna was thickly layered without a lot of juice. While I can’t use all the same meats and spices he does (those pesky food allergy fears you know), I did mimic his method to create my own version. It came out quite well in my opinion. (There is very little similarity between the two recipes other than taking inspiration to make a super meaty drier lasagna).

I liked this recipe for many reasons. By cutting down the sauciness it came out cleaner and held its form better than my traditional lasagna. It was fast and easy to make and very hearty. This would be an easy recipe to adapt by adding some sliced veggies to it or taking to a potluck since its not as messy.

Meat Lasagna
1 Large box of noodles (boiled in salted water till al dente)
2 lbs ground sirloin
1 ½ medium large yellow onion-diced
2 tbs finely diced garlic
Salt and pepper to taste
1 tsp celery salt
Parsley and Italian Seasoning (amounts are up to you)
1 ball Fresh Mozzerella Cheese
1 bag shredded Mozzerella
½ cup shredded or grated Parmesan
12 oz cottage cheese
16 ounces Ricotta Cheese
1 can tomato Paste
2 cans Diced tomatoes

In a cast iron Dutch oven, brown hamburger meat along with garlic and onion. I had to add a tidbit of water to mine as the hamburger doesn’t have enough fat to provide a cooking base. Add Tomatoes, seasonings, and tomato paste. Simmer for 30 minutes.

In a bowl, combine cottage cheese, parmesan, and ricotta. Stir until blended and smooth.

To assemble: Spread some of the meat mixture on the bottom of pan and layer lasagna noodles over the top so no meat shows. Spread about half of the ricotta mixture over and layer on another set of noodles. Spread some meat sauce and sprinkle with shredded mozzarella. Repeat with ricotta mixture. Top off with meat sauce. Tear the mozzarella ball into pieces and layer over the top.

Bake for 45 minutes in a 350 degree oven.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Power of Hormones and Dreams

Why is it that, as women, whatever happens in our dreams we carry over to real life, particularly if it’s bad? Dreams, especially when pregnant, can be so vividly real that it is hard to distinguish between the dream world and real life even upon waking. When you get that vivid dream early in the morning, right before the alarm goes off, and are startled into wakefulness, there is a distinct disorientation that takes place.

In my house, when this happens, my husband usually gets the blunt end of the stick figuratively speaking. No matter what happens, he is always the reason for my wrath or pain in my dreams, and my victim during those first waking moments. He takes the blame with humor and grace though. I give him that.

This morning’s dream? He came home late at night with a friend from school (in an old beater car) and reeked of marijuana. I was FURIOUS. My home is a drug free zone. We are drug free people. The one area I have always been a goody two shoes is drugs. I have honestly never touched the stuff, not even a second hand whiff. I have no desire to. My husband’s past, before me, a little sketchy in that area, but as I said, that was BEFORE I ever came into the picture.

I have three rules: No cheating, No lying, and No drugs. Those are end all breaking points in my book and I’ve never worried about any of them with him. Not once in 6 years have I even come close to thinking he would break my trust or those rules. These are sacred trusts to me. I’ve been burned by all three in past relationships. Putting your life unknowingly in the hands of a driver who unbeknownst to you is high as a kite on cocaine is not an experience I ever want to repeat.

So in my grogginess this morning, while my husband was cuddled up to me, rubbing my stomach trying to wake me up, I was pretty irrational at first. Fortunately, I was too tired to do more than mumble at him that he was smoking pot and I was furious.

This isn’t the first time I’ve done this (pregnant or not) and won’t be the last. No matter how many times it happens though, he always asks the question of WHY he gets blamed for everything that happens in MY dreams. LOL

That’s completely not true darling. I NEVER blame you when I’m having a good ROMP with Dwayne THE ROCK Johnson or Jensen Ackles. 

Updates and Menues (late)

I’ve definitely been cooking again. Plus the other night, I actually finally managed to download pics from my camera to my computer. 230 of them dating back to the spring! Blogging is back in business, if only I can find the time to catch up so its not overwhelming on where to start again!

This weekend I have a big “event” coming up that I will post about later (as in after it happens) so for the past few weeks my energy has been directed there. Don’t you love it when there is a vague reference that leaves you confused and irritated?

Recipes that I have ready to post soon:
Canning Tomatoes
Pear Preserves
A new attempt at Beef Strogonauf
Ranch Dressing / Dip (from scratch)
Egg Salad

Plus Last week was National Cupcake Week. I managed to bust out some of Mrs.Beth’s Key lime Cupcakes during that week and I will post soon.

Menu for this week:

Baked Potato Soup and Filet Mignon with Iceberg Wedges
Lasagna (inspired by Iron Chef Michael Simon’s Mom’s recipe)
Turkey Melts
Buttermilk Fried Chicken Tenders with Deconstructed Salad and homemade Ranch dressing/dip

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I don't know HOW to be pregnant

I know nothing about being pregnant. IF, TTC or PCOS? I’ve got that covered. I’ve researched PCOS, diets for PCOS, treatments for PCOS. I’ve struggled with emotions of inferiority, bitterness, inadequacy, etc. I KNOW how to handle those. I can spout side-effects and statistics of Clomid in my sleep. I’ve read Fertility Books and what to do and not to do in the first trimester.

Now, I am in territory I’ve never been in and suddenly realize I have no clue what I am doing. All my knowledge and know how is out the window because I’ve never READ this far or BEEN this far. I’m entering a phase where I could be asking stupid questions and getting side-eyed because I feel like a moron.

I still THINK like an IFer and Miscarriage survivor. Those are still my identities. I do not think like a pregnant woman going in to her 2nd Trimester. I don’t know HOW to do that. Who knew those feelings of inadequacy and inferiority would continue on but with new direction? I surely didn’t. (and don’t call me Shirley)

For example today’s “What I don’t know”: Is cracked lips, dry bloody nose and tight chest and itchy skin normal? Is it because I’m pumping more blood and need even more water to keep hydrated as I’m sharing with the baby? I know I’m supposed to drink more water than normal but I feel like I’m trying to water the Sarah Dessert with a garden sprinkler here.

So what do I need to know? What books do you recommend for me? I have the Pregnancy Bible and I’ve been reading that. I have What to Expect stashed somewhere though I admit, I’ve never been a big fan of that book since I read some of its fear mongering.

If you could leave me and my readers any piece of information what would it be? Could be a book recommendation, a to do list, etc.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Introducing HLB

Yesterday, was once again, amazing. They couldn’t find the heartbeat with the Doppler so they sent me for an ultrasound. The ultrasound found it right away and there was my sweet babe sucking its thumb. When she pressed down with the ultrasound wand/thingie my feisty little babe reared back and kicked with all its might, both legs and butt in the air. Oh he/she was MAD! Heaven help us, s/he has my temper and Daddy’s long legs. At 11 weeks 5 days old, my babe has an attitude and does not like to be disturbed.

The very last image before she stopped was of a little perfect arm and hand waving goodbye. It was the most amazing thing. It felt like Christmas.

It is completely beyond my comprehension though that there can be THAT much movement and I feel NOTHING. It’s so bizarre to see that little image of this perfect little being with an attitude and not be able to feel it. It’s so surreal!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Menu Monday-It feels like Fall!

I don't know about you but I do most of my cooking in the cooler months. Fall is my favorite time of year and I can tell its almost here because my cooking bug is back for rich hearty stews/soups etc.

I spent this weekend making pear preserves and pear syrup (with the wonderful aid of my mother) so I'm pretty all set on that. Now I just need to do some apple butter and I'll be golden for the winter.

this weeks menu is ambitious considering my slackness in the past few weeks at anything remotely time consuming or passable as dinner. LOL

Fried Chicken with Green Bean casserole
Beef Stroganauff
Vegetable soup
White chicken Chili
Chicken and Mozzerella Skillet
Baked Potato soup

Inevitable Fear

I’m very nervous about today. Over the weekend, I had crazy diarrhea, not to mention excruciating back, neck and shoulder pain. Since yesterday the fear has crept back in and I’ve done everything to keep it at bay including ordering something for the baby as a sign I believe my baby is there and okay.

This morning though, things are not quite as defiantly hopeful. I got on the scale and I’m down two pounds, which means I weigh less than when I first got pregnant. I know that’s not atypical for the first tri due to morning sickness etc. but I ate this weekend. Heck, for dinner last night I had a piece of fried chicken and green bean casserole with a soda! I hope its just nerves and that everything is going to be beautiful and I will finally relax into this pregnancy. I said in the very beginning I was going to enjoy every moment with this baby in case it didn’t last and I have failed miserably because I keep expecting each moment to be the last.

I think if everything is fine today, I’m not holding back anymore. I’m going to go out and buy baby things. I’m so afraid to buy anything or to jinx myself and it can’t be healthy. I purchased a book last time for Bumblebee and shortly after I lost him. Maybe its bad form or me trying to be courageous in the face of adversity (my own thoughts) but I purchased a book for Ladybug last night. After today though? I’m buying whatever I want. A snuggly blanket, a stuffed animal, a sweet little sleeper with an owl on it. I can’t hold back in fear anymore. I can’t. I have to start treating this pregnancy like its going to make it to gain the confidence for it to actually do so.

In the back of my mind, I keep waiting for it to go wrong and I come up with all these reasons. The most recent: I’ve skipped church three weeks in a row so God is going to punish me. I KNOW this isn’t true but maybe it’s me trying to cast blame somewhere. I don’t know why I do this to myself when I could be more productive and make a happier healthier environment by just believing in myself and my body’s capability to hold life.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Locked and Loaded

Let’s talk about my nipples shall we, because frankly I’m obsessed with this topic? I’ve had the occasional problem with nipple hardness and tenderness. Last night however, they felt like someone was ripping them off. I literally sat with a heating pad across my breasts for an hour before I got some comfort.

This morning, they are at it again. Granted I sit underneath an air-conditioning unit at work but this is ridiculous. I have on a cable knit SWEATER (with it being 92 outside), a cotton t-shirt and a cotton seamless bra and they are already aching. It’s not even 9:30am. How am I supposed to get through the day dealing with this? I do not have a heating pad. I also work in a cramped little office with four men. It’s not like I can sit here holding my breasts or holding my shirt away from my breasts in front of them! Three of them don’t even know I’m pregnant (though they may be starting to suspect it)!

So here I sit miserably trying not to puke again. On top of that my gas is atrocious. I literally have gas bubbles rioting happily through my body. They occasionally exit, quite loudly and obnoxiously sometimes causing me to puke on top of it. For the most part though, they just make me feel like they are going to explode out of my stomach with their interpretation of Sigourney Weaver giving birth to an Alien circa 1988.

I’ve thus come to the conclusion, that the problems are not independent of each other. The GAS is trying to exit through my nipples in true torpedo titty style. I could take out half my coworkers in a blaze of glory that would be remembered in history books by firing rounds of gas bombs by cupping my breast and pointing my nipples! Maybe then I could gain some relief! I think the Second Amendment should be adjusted to include the right to “bare” breasts especially in war time situations.

If I am this run down to the point of wishing I had stayed home, how in the world am I going to make it through 3rd tri when I’m uncomfortable and exhausted? Is 3rd tri truly worse than 1st?

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Catchup (or Ketchup) Fruit Pics

As Jeanna pointed out I am behind on updating my fruit pics. I do apologize but we were behind a bit in taking them as my schedule was differing from my photographer (the ever lovely Beth). We are caught up though and as we start incorporating Belly Pics soon we will be more diligent about taking them weekly. Promise. (my toes were crossed, just to warn you..LOL)

This weeks: Prune

Last Weeks: Olive

Week 8: Raspberry

HLB's Crib Yo (Recovered document YAY!)

My husband is obsessed with cribs. OBSESSED. He originally wanted this little cherry convertible number from BRU that had a detachable changing tray that becomes a side table. It progressed to looking at one in espresso and moved on from there.

At this point, I believe he has looked at every crib made by man in the past two years. We are limited by budget but also our desires. We are now leaning towards a convertible crib with a matching dresser that may or may not have a built in changing area on top of the dresser. Prefer black but cherry and maybe espresso are contenders. Beyond that, I pretty much have no say in the crib (at least that is what he thinks). Oh, he shows me the ones he likes and if I hate it, it’s a firm NO and he moves on but the ones he really loves (which are usually OKAY for me) he marks. I’m a stickler on price and I think that will be my ultimate downfall.

My darling husband, who has multiple holes in his pocket, and can’t save money at all, has been saving money behind my back. (We have a joint account and joint savings but he always takes money out before depositing the check for food/drinks/ incidentals as he travels daily to job sites.) I never know how much he keeps because he will work overtime here and there but he is consistent on the amount he deposits and keeps whatever is above that amount. In the short time we have known we are pregnant (so less than 7 weeks) he has managed to squirrel away $530 bucks from basically his LUNCH money. A) I’m extremely impressed at his commitment to buying the crib and dresser on his own. B) I’m starting to think I should see how much his checks are because he is obviously keeping way too much money –no wonder he’s gained so much weight! LOL (I kid, I kid, I’m not THAT controlling).

However, I have a feeling since he’s worked so hard to save this money (and skipped meals to do so) that if he falls in love with a crib, I’m going to have to live with it. I have mixed feelings on this. A) It’s my kid too, I should get some choice damn it B) Our tastes are actually pretty comparable when it comes to baby stuff so even if its not my favorite choice, I’m sure I will be okay with it C) He is so excited and into this one part of it that I kind of don’t want to take that from him. He is ADAMANT that we are buying the crib and that it will be a convertible so the furniture will be FROM us and GO WITH our child. I totally understand that sentiment. He is working so hard at the research (literally daily), the pricing, the saving, etc. that part of me wants it to be HIS thing. “Daddy picked out your furniture especially for you.”

So many guys are not into the baby thing, the nursery stuff etc. Even the infertility issues, I hear stories where the guy just doesn’t want to know. DH was blah about the fertility. He went to the appointments and wanted the info from the HSG etc. He stayed with me through the pain of miscarriage and sat at the hospital during the D&C. He would check my cervix when I asked (that whole long finger thing) and always perform on command. He even occasionally wanted to know what my chart looked like and where we were. He always made sure I took my meds. Now that we are pregnant? Whole new story. He is INTO IT man.

He researches STUFF and makes lists of things he likes and what he wants. HE talks about it all with me. He makes me chicken soup when I’m pukey and grudgingly changes the cat litter. He rubs my belly in the mornings when he wakes me up and tells all his coworkers the crazy things I do (like sit up at 2am and turn the light on, waking him up and saying everything is fine and falling right back asleep which I don’t really remember doing.) I just feel like I should let him have this furniture thing. I know he will take my preferences into consideration but if it comes down to a few choices and he really likes one and I’m just okay about it, I think I may give in. What do you think? Would you feel the same way or would you want to be involved in every little detail? (and have no fear, the bedding and paint and decorations will totally be my choice but so far he has agreed with me on all the girl bedding, we are at a bit of a standoff on the boy bedding though.) Maybe I can negotiate the boy bedding better if I give in on the furniture choice. LOL

Thanks a lot blogger!

I had this wonderful long sentimental post about DH and cribs written out. Came to blogger and clicked and all of a suddena million internet explorer boxes started popping computer shut down and I lost my post.


I don't have it in me to rewrite it write now. I'm a little pissed. So you can thank Blogger for the lack of installments today.