Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Locked and Loaded

Let’s talk about my nipples shall we, because frankly I’m obsessed with this topic? I’ve had the occasional problem with nipple hardness and tenderness. Last night however, they felt like someone was ripping them off. I literally sat with a heating pad across my breasts for an hour before I got some comfort.

This morning, they are at it again. Granted I sit underneath an air-conditioning unit at work but this is ridiculous. I have on a cable knit SWEATER (with it being 92 outside), a cotton t-shirt and a cotton seamless bra and they are already aching. It’s not even 9:30am. How am I supposed to get through the day dealing with this? I do not have a heating pad. I also work in a cramped little office with four men. It’s not like I can sit here holding my breasts or holding my shirt away from my breasts in front of them! Three of them don’t even know I’m pregnant (though they may be starting to suspect it)!

So here I sit miserably trying not to puke again. On top of that my gas is atrocious. I literally have gas bubbles rioting happily through my body. They occasionally exit, quite loudly and obnoxiously sometimes causing me to puke on top of it. For the most part though, they just make me feel like they are going to explode out of my stomach with their interpretation of Sigourney Weaver giving birth to an Alien circa 1988.

I’ve thus come to the conclusion, that the problems are not independent of each other. The GAS is trying to exit through my nipples in true torpedo titty style. I could take out half my coworkers in a blaze of glory that would be remembered in history books by firing rounds of gas bombs by cupping my breast and pointing my nipples! Maybe then I could gain some relief! I think the Second Amendment should be adjusted to include the right to “bare” breasts especially in war time situations.

If I am this run down to the point of wishing I had stayed home, how in the world am I going to make it through 3rd tri when I’m uncomfortable and exhausted? Is 3rd tri truly worse than 1st?

1 comment:

  1. I am going back and forth between feeling terribly sorry for you and laughing my ass off. I mean 'torpedo titty style'?? BWAHAHAHAHA

    I am all too familiar with the hard achy boobs. Yowza. I hope that you find comfort today!

    Have you tried those Thermacare heating pads? Maybe you can strap one of those babies under your shirt?