Best Friends in the House of Smith

In a house full of animals, I envisioned my son romping around with a frisky dachshund at his heels (mostly our rambunctious boy doxie). I even imagined that our female would be very mothering and snuggling with him. So far our boy dog wants nothing to do with him and is acting out: peeing in the house, disobeying, getting into everything. Basically driving me insane. Our female acts like she has been beat when you say one negative word to her (like NO) and runs tail tucked to her crate as if the hounds of hell were after her. She is slowly coming around to listening to commands without being offended but she is still so desperate for attention that she goes stupid occasionally. She is coming along. Atleast she likes the baby she just wants to be in my lap and with him at all times.
Scarlett and Matt

What I didn't expect, was the cat to be the most behaved and attentive. She hangs out in Matthew's room. Sleeps in the drawer under his crib and on the daybed in his room. She is constantly hanging out whereever we are and acting like a gargoyle perched on the arm of the recliner. She gently sniffs the top of his head and licks the bottom of his feet at risk to life and limb as he is very ticklish and one day with deadly accuracy is bound to kick her in the head. When he's in his bouncy chair I've even caught her on her back underneath pulling herself over the top to pat him on his head and then darting off to come back and do it again. She's infatuated.
Truffles and Matt

I just wonder if she will still be the numero uno bestest bud when he can pull her fluffy tail.

Thankful for Children Loving Dogs

Somethings do not turn out like you wanted nor expected, like hosting Thanksgiving. There is only so much that you can control. The rest is out of your hands.

Then there are some things that turn out better than expected and brings joy to your heart and excitement for the future, like a mob of little blonde boys and two happy Dachshunds.

There is no denying that my three nephews are in the same family though they honestly look nothing like either my SIL or BIL, they still manage to look like each other (and favor my husband a little bit in his baby pictures). Those genes are strong in that family and there is a good chance my own son may get those strong traits despite my almost black hair and slightly olive skin tone. When you see these happy little faces with cuddly wiggly dogs though? The only thing you can do is smile to think it won't be long before my little boy will be surrounded by ecstatic pups whether he be blonde, brunette or even ginger.

Who couldn't fall in love with these sights to behold and be Thankful for these adorable pups and boys no matter how stressful the holiday turned out to be? My future with my son and dogs is bright indeed. :)

Four Legged Yard Swiffers

So I've been noticing these clumps of brown all over my floors.

>So do I have extremely dirty floors and need a prescription to Flylady asap?

So what is wrong with my floors at this time of the year? That would be this:

Don't let their cute innocence fool you. It's a disguise. They are not really adorable mini long haired dachshunds. They are four legged fall yard swiffers. Their silky downy fur drags in every leaf, stem and seed pod four times a day. They are driving my early OCD nesting urge insane.

Hi, I think my name is psycho Hormonal crazy pants

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Is this the psycho hormones I always hear about? I have MOCKED people for blaming hormones for their behavior but now I’m not so sure I should be doing that.

Let’s start with me being a horrible mother. Lately, my dogs (the doxies) have been whining at night. Nothing is wrong with them, they just aren’t sleeping and whining to get out of their crates and be with us. They have been in their routine for TWO years so I don’t know why this whining has started now! They have always whined when the sun was up and/or they hear the alarm going off. They want out to use the bathroom understandably. But ALL NIGHT LONG? That is new.

The past two nights, I chalked it up to them hearing my husband up moving around as he’s had an upset stomach. I’m also thinking my more frequent bathroom trips at night are causing them unrest as they hear me. Last night however, two hours after bed, they woke ME up whining. I yelled at them. Ten minutes later, whining resumed. I yelled again. Same thing. So I finally get up and go in there, and pop their little butts. (yes, on occasion, I lightly pop their butts-it hurts their feelings more than anything, get over it.) Finally silence. An hour later, I woke up to resumed whining. I LOST MY SHIT. I took my poor little dogs, crates and all and put them outside on the porch. I was so tired, I just wanted sleep and was at my wits end and cramps had kicked in real low stressing me out. Of course, I didn’t get any sleep the rest of the night because I laid in bed and cried my eyes out because I was such a horrible mother and started thinking about the long nights ahead with a screaming child which I absolutely can not stick in a crate and dump outside. (I also can not call in to work because of whining dogs where I can with a sick child). (BTW, this is the first time in 13 years, I have ever put a dog outside like that-in fact my 13 yo Chow/shepherd mix glared at me, like “wtf are you doing mom.” And slept by the back door where the doxies were at).

So needless to say, my husband woke up to me- a balling panicky mess this morning that is completely exhausted, feeling quite inhumane and cruel and thinking I am going to be the worst mother in history.

My dogs are fine. It was a beautiful balmy night and I went to the back door to see them snoozing away and happy as clams when I let them out to potty. They were their normal overly loving selves when we came back in the house.

I get to work and am immediately bombarded by a nasty email from one of our counterparts in Germany. He copied the higher ups and completely LIED in his email and distorted the situation. My boss told me what he was going to reply and it was basically just letting him do what he wants because he didn’t want to deal with him and did not address the issue of the lies. I LOST IT. (and I don’t lose it at work people. I am a hardass and I become a complete bitch. I DO NOT EFFING CRY.) I started uncontrollably sobbing. Of course I had to make a mad dash to the bathroom where I spent a half hour soaking my face in cold rags and slobbering into a wad of toilet paper. I AM A MESS.

I did regain some semblance of composure and wrote a very scathing reply with facts and supporting documents and sent it to my boss. He laughed at me and he can send it as is or change it. I don’t care. Since then I have fought the tears by stuffing my face with Coco Rice Krispy treats from a co-worker.

W.T.F. is wrong with me? Is this just hormones? Is this lack of sleep? Combination of both? Or am I really doomed to be a psycho mom that gets her kids taken away because I dump them on the porch at night? I feel completely out of my element, and barely myself. What happened to me?

Rover knows best...

Animals know. You know how I know? I know because my animals have lost their ever loving minds.

I have furbabies, even though I know some people cringe at that word, there really is no other way to describe it. You can say my dog is just a dog, but it doesn’t make it true. My female Dachshund, Scarlett, who is prone to shivering in winter and likes to snuggle, has an extensive wardrobe. She will dive into a sweater quicker than you can say “dogs don’t wear clothes.” My girl, Tedda, has personality plus. She’s a half chow, half german shepherd mix who I have babied for the past 13 years. She’s lazy and obnoxiously stubborn and we haven’t decided if she really is going blind and deaf or just using it as an excuse to do what she wants in her old age. My little boy Dachshund, he is a character all on his own, obsessed with stuffed squirrels, we have a rodent problem littering our living room at all times. Cody was a Daddy’s boy from the first moment we got him, while all the other animals are predominantly mamma’s girls.

Then there is THE CAT. She surreptitiously rules the house, lording it over the dogs that she can come and go while they are barred from entering the bedroom area by that pesky iron baby gate. She perches high on our bed and stretches and yawns as they glare at her through the bars while I get dressed in the morning. She sneaks under sofas and reaches out and swats them as they pass by. She knows she is queen. She has at least five pounds on poor little Scarlett who is determined no cat is going to get the best of her. Truffles has been THE CAT and Queen for 7 years. I think she still holds resentment that I not only brought a man into our bed, but two more dogs. She rubs up against Tedda and glares at me like “see, THIS DOG and I are family. Those two munchkin rats do not belong.”

So how did they lose their minds? Every single one of them have become obsessed with me to the point I can hardly function. If I’m in the kitchen, so are they. Tedda lies in the middle of the floor watching me with deep sighs and huffs. The two little dogs move under my feet every time I do. The cat becomes a statue in the barstool watching me with those unblinking eyes. If I’m on the sofa? So are they. Tedda lays in the floor (as she’s never been one to climb on the furniture which would require hefting her old 65lb self up which is way too much energy for her to expend), Cody curls up behind my legs, Scarlett takes roost up against my stomach or back, and the Cat tries to balance on my hip while glaring at the dogs.

At night, the dogs have taken to whining in their crates because they can’t be with me. The cat tries to sleep on my stomach and if I throw her off enough times she settles with wrapping herself around my head and whacking me in the face with her plumed tail. And occasionally if DH tries to cuddle she attacks him or at minimum tries to butt her head up under his hand to move it or divert his attention.

My animals have always been loving, but now they are just suffocating me. They are ignoring DH, and shoved so far up my ass they can probably keep visual tabs on the baby. I distinctly remember Cody and the Cat acting different last time. We had actually suspected I was pregnant this time from some of the animals’ actions before we got the BFP (but were still shocked because of all the cyst issues we were dealing with). So you can be a naysayer about the intuitive nature of animals all you want, but I KNOW that my ANIMALS know. Maybe they are just smarter than yours, but they know. ::shrugs::

Ultimate disappointment

It wasn't even three days ago I laughed at a commercial that said "1 in 4 women can mis-read a pregnancy test". Apparently, everyone I know, including myself can misread a pregnancy test.

I admit it. I took two last night. The uber cheap store brand pink dye tests. There was no mistaking a faint plus sign. We both saw it. I took pictures and texted it to several of my BOTB girls for second (third, fourth, fifth, sixth, etc.) opinions. They all saw it. Around me, there was giddyness and celebration while I tried to maintain some composure. My heart was leaping, I could hardly breathe. My head was still saying "PROCEED WITH CAUTION!"

I hardly slept. About two hours in, I got up and collected my pee and took my temp. My temp had fallen below the cover line and I cried. Then I realized I had not even been asleep for two hours or so. When I got up like normal this morning, my temp was 97.9 so I poured out the other pee and peed again.

I was on the way out the door but discovered my sick old dog had exploded her bowels all over my livingroom carpet. She hasn't used the bathroom in the house in over 12 years. She's a very sick girl. I spent the next two hours gagging and cleaning up poop and steam cleaning my carpets with Resolve. I still have work to do but for now, my carpet has to dry.

So I took a shower and raced to Walgreens. I got not only a digital but a regular pink dye FRER. I used the FMU and got a big FAT NEGATIVE with the digital. My heart fell to the floor and I thought I was going to stop breathing. I did the pink dye. Negative though I swear I could see a faint shadow of a line.

But you know what? A line isn't always a line. Sometimes its just a shadow. I'm like 18 dpo. There is no way a digital could not detect HSG in FMU at 18 dpo. I am not pregnant. And I just wasted $45.00 on what I knew to be true yesterday.

The lesson here, is do not buy cheap tests. Do not look at shadows and do not get excited until you see a fucking ultrasound. Listen to your gut. When you know what your body does, believe your instinct, not the little hopeful voices that say "there is always a first time for everything." No. Not in the world of my broken uterus.

Excuse me while I go back to cleaning up the dog shit that is both literally and metaphorically my life today.

Doggie Mom Panic

Sometimes I wonder if I will be a good mom. I get through crisis with a firm grip and low emotion but when its over, I melt down. When something happens to one of my furbabies I freak, I can only imagine what I would do if my human child went through the same thing.

Something happened to Cody last night. One minute we are watching TV the next minute DH is saying, "somethings wrong with Cody." I look over and my little boy is trembling and going into a seizure. I told DH to pick him up as he was rolling over on his back. DH stands him up and his poor little head is falling to the left, his whole body is shaking and a stream of drool is steadily coming out of his mouth and his eyes, god his eyes are looking at me like "mom please help, I don't understand." It absolutely broke my heart and I couldn't do anything but call my sister who used to be a Vet tech and grab the stuff I thought we would need to go to the Emergency Vet while DH kept him upright.

It all happened so fast but it seemed like time stood still. After a minute his little body started heaving and DH jumped up to head to the bathroom with him. He made it half way down the hall before Cody threw up everywhere. I couldn't believe so much could come out of a little dog. It was all over my hardwood floors, splashed on the walls. DH climbed in the tub with him and washed his mouth out with water, cleaned him up, calmed him down and it was all over. He stopped shaking, he acted tired but he was fine. I cleaned up the mess, dissected it with my hands to see if I could find anything out of the ordinary. Nothing. After about 15 minutes he was completely back to normal. It had to have lasted 2-3 minutes at most. I went through all the motions calmly. I followed the steps, I gave clear concise descriptions to my sister of what was happening and she calmly told me what to do and what items I need to keep on hand for situations like this. I had such conflicting emotions over the whole thing.

My heart swelling at DH's love and devotion to this small animal knowing what a wonderful and calm father he would make in time of crisis with our children warring with the fact that I can't stand something wrong with my dogs, how in the hell am I going to survive something like this happening to my child? I never melted down but in my heart, there was undeniable panic of what was happening and I felt completely helpless to take away his pain and comfort him. When he was better, he wanted Mommy. It didn't matter that he is always a Daddy's boy and Daddy was the one holding him and getting him through it. He wanted Mommy and wanted to cuddle with me and lick me in the face (mmm doggie throw up breath..loverly) and for once I let him because he needed the comfort and it made me melt (not melt down). I know I will go through the panic and the inner turmoil during every small crisis with both my dogs and my children because of love. You can't help but love these innocent little souls no matter how much pain it causes you but you will do it because of the pain that comes from all that love. That love will make it worth it. All this that I struggle with. All this turmoil and doubt of myself and abilities and decisions of continuing to struggle to have children, I will go through it, because I have so much love to give.

I didn't sleep all night. I kept checking on him. Everytime I got up Scarlett started whining. It was a terrible night. I'm exhausted, feeling poorly and constipated.