Doggie Mom Panic

Sometimes I wonder if I will be a good mom. I get through crisis with a firm grip and low emotion but when its over, I melt down. When something happens to one of my furbabies I freak, I can only imagine what I would do if my human child went through the same thing.

Something happened to Cody last night. One minute we are watching TV the next minute DH is saying, "somethings wrong with Cody." I look over and my little boy is trembling and going into a seizure. I told DH to pick him up as he was rolling over on his back. DH stands him up and his poor little head is falling to the left, his whole body is shaking and a stream of drool is steadily coming out of his mouth and his eyes, god his eyes are looking at me like "mom please help, I don't understand." It absolutely broke my heart and I couldn't do anything but call my sister who used to be a Vet tech and grab the stuff I thought we would need to go to the Emergency Vet while DH kept him upright.

It all happened so fast but it seemed like time stood still. After a minute his little body started heaving and DH jumped up to head to the bathroom with him. He made it half way down the hall before Cody threw up everywhere. I couldn't believe so much could come out of a little dog. It was all over my hardwood floors, splashed on the walls. DH climbed in the tub with him and washed his mouth out with water, cleaned him up, calmed him down and it was all over. He stopped shaking, he acted tired but he was fine. I cleaned up the mess, dissected it with my hands to see if I could find anything out of the ordinary. Nothing. After about 15 minutes he was completely back to normal. It had to have lasted 2-3 minutes at most. I went through all the motions calmly. I followed the steps, I gave clear concise descriptions to my sister of what was happening and she calmly told me what to do and what items I need to keep on hand for situations like this. I had such conflicting emotions over the whole thing.

My heart swelling at DH's love and devotion to this small animal knowing what a wonderful and calm father he would make in time of crisis with our children warring with the fact that I can't stand something wrong with my dogs, how in the hell am I going to survive something like this happening to my child? I never melted down but in my heart, there was undeniable panic of what was happening and I felt completely helpless to take away his pain and comfort him. When he was better, he wanted Mommy. It didn't matter that he is always a Daddy's boy and Daddy was the one holding him and getting him through it. He wanted Mommy and wanted to cuddle with me and lick me in the face (mmm doggie throw up breath..loverly) and for once I let him because he needed the comfort and it made me melt (not melt down). I know I will go through the panic and the inner turmoil during every small crisis with both my dogs and my children because of love. You can't help but love these innocent little souls no matter how much pain it causes you but you will do it because of the pain that comes from all that love. That love will make it worth it. All this that I struggle with. All this turmoil and doubt of myself and abilities and decisions of continuing to struggle to have children, I will go through it, because I have so much love to give.

I didn't sleep all night. I kept checking on him. Everytime I got up Scarlett started whining. It was a terrible night. I'm exhausted, feeling poorly and constipated.