So Emotional, baby.

I can't stop crying. I've been rejoicing in my heart all day that Landon was born (during the time I bet on, sorry Rachel for being right!) and I fell in love when I saw his pictures on the web this afternoon.

Then my heart was broken when I found out I'm going to lose Scarlett. Audrey called me and told me that J has been adamant that she come get Scarlett and return her to the house. He's already filed for divorce and there is wording about Scarlett in there and picked out a house in VA that he and his brother are getting together. He doesn't care to speak to us again (as if ANY of this is our fault) because he doesn't care if we are his friends. He also doesn't care that they owe us 340.00 for Scarlett's surgery ( so I feel I have paid for this dog). He also doesn't care that he has several of our Wii games for his son as well as our PlayStation 2 system and 20 games among other things. Now he wants to take my dog from me as well. My husband is blaming Audrey for this mess as well but is adamant that no one is picking this dog up unless J has the balls to call him and talk to him and give him everything back.

Which puts me in an even worse position because now I feel like I have to be reserved from her (Scarlett) because its already breaking my heart thinking about her leaving and we're going to do what? Hold her for ransom for how long? Have her here in my house attaching to my heart for a longer period of time as blackmail?

I'm so confused and so upset and heartbroken. Its not supposed to go like this! I can't even be there for Audrey right now because I'm so upset about all this. How am I supposed to support her through this divorce when its effecting me now too. Every time I trust a friend and bail them out and loan them things, I get shit on. I'm tired of it and yet I don't want to live my life distrusting the world.

The worst part that keeps coming back to my head, is that being the crazy dog lady was my back up plan. I already started buying the frilly dog clothes and planning on the dog events to keep me occupied when I failed at becoming a mom AGAIN. Now any hope of any kind of parenting is being ripped away from me AGAIN. I can't just replace her because it all centered around her. Why am I constantly being punished.

I have brief shining moments of complete happiness and seeing silver linings and BOOM, a fucking bomb is dropped through my sky.