Week 26- For REALZ?

Total weight gain: Sigh...19 lbs. I'm completely and thoroughly disgusted with myself.

Maternity clothes? Pretty much and I still hate them this week. I'm squeezing into two of my pairs of jeans and being uncomfortable for as long as possible because I hate the maternity clothes more than the discomfort.

Sleep: not so great this week.

Best moment this week: Cookie Baking! My son likes cookies, my waist line does not ;)and getting the Nursery bedding in! YAY!

Gender: Definately a BOY!

Craving: Lemon

Movement: He has brought me to my knees this week with some very powerful and painful jabs. He can now move my hand up and down when resting it on my stomach. DH has yet to feel him though because when he puts his hands over there, the baby stops moving. Go figue.

Labor Signs: No.

Belly Button in or out? Still In

What I miss: Sleep, especially on my stomach.

What I am looking forward to: Relaxing over the holidays and my week long vacation.

Milestones: I passed the Glucose Test and got the Baby Bedding! I also sent out the guest list for the Babyshower to my hostesses at their request. SQUEE!

Week 25

Picture is super blurry...probably because we have no heat and I was shivering taking the pic since I had to take my coat off to show the tummy! LOL

Total weight gain: According to the Doctor last friday: 12 1/2. According to my scales today: 18 WTF? I almost passed out when I saw that number pop up. If it goes higher I think I'll just stop keeping up..mmkay?
Maternity clothes? Pretty much and I hate them with a passion but that's another ranting post for a different time.
Sleep: not so great this week.
Best moment this week: My son being VERY active yesterday, ALL DAY LONG.
Gender: Definately a BOY!
Craving: Lemon
Movement: Feeling movement every day and most of the night! Lots of thumps, bumps, flutters, and flips and a few painful jabs.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In but getting...ummm smaller and more squished looking.
What I miss: Sleep, especially on my stomach.
What I am looking forward to: Finishing up Christmas shopping this weekend and hopefully DH getting the spare bedroom painted so we can move all the furniture in there and out of the nursery! (also our crib bedding should be in by tomorrow! SQUEE
Milestones: So far it seems I passed the Glucose TEST! and someone else felt the baby. The nurse was pressing down with the Dopplar and got a really good kick that she actually could FEEL! I can't wait till DH get's to feel him like that!

Blogger Luncheon

Last Thursday, I did something very special. I met up with a long time Blogger Pal Jeanna! Jeanna and I have shared a great deal in the past year. We met during our 1st Trimester's on The Bump and unfortunately both experienced loss, heart ache, and a myriad of other emotions. We have continuously followed each other's story and become friends online. We finally met face to face and I foresee a long friendship in our future including our boys playing together. That's the best part of this fairytale: we are pregnant together AGAIN with healthy baby boy's five weeks a part.

I count myself and my son lucky to be included in such company for Jeanna truly is a sweet soul through and through. I'm so happy to be a party of her story and she a part of mine and I can't wait to meet up with her again!

Week 24- VIABILITY DAY!

Total weight gain: As of Monday i was still holding at 13 pounds. WHEW!
Maternity clothes? Pretty much. I went to put on my black dress pants this morning and I couldn't sit down in them as the waist cut into me...so I had to break out the new black maternity dress pants...which I don't care for.
Sleep: not so great this week.
Best moment this week: Laying in bed feeling my son wiggle around while snuggling with my husband. It was such a peaceful amazing feeling.
Gender: Definately a BOY!
Craving: Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and Lemon Loaf (still-I'm going to go broke for sure)
Movement: Feeling movement every day and most of the night! Lots of thumps, bumps, flutters, and flips and a few painful jabs.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In but getting...ummm smaller and more squished looking.
What I miss: My nails. I had fabulous nails...now they are growing fast but keep breaking in the quick.
What I am looking forward to: Getting the glucose test done and then shopping with the momma and finishing the registry.
Milestones: IT's V-day! I know that doesn't guarantee anything but it makes me feel a measure of safety in that now my hospital will atleast TRY to save my little boy if the unthinkable happens!

Week 23!

Total weight gain: I'm terrified to admit that its up 13 pounds. I cringe on the scale every week and I thought I was prepared for the number to go up over Thanksgiving but I still gagged.
Maternity clothes? No but getting closer everyday.
Sleep: crappy over the holiday weekend and through the storms last night but I'm getting more comfortable sleeping on my side now. I still sleep on my back a lot.
Best moment this week: Getting ready for the holidays and seeing Gifts the Inlaws bought baby on Black Friday because they couldn't resist!
Gender: Definately a BOY!
Craving: Starbucks Peppermint Mocha and Lemon Loaf (random sweet tooth anyone?)
Movement: Getting stronger and more active. Feeling regular movement for long stretches several times a day.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: My waist and lack of double chin and smooth splotchless skin.
What I am looking forward to: Ordering the crib bedding!
Milestones: One week till Viability.

I'm totally wearing Pocohontas braids to honor my heritage for Thanksgiving ;)

Total weight gain: As of Monday it was back to 10 but its Thanksgiving, I odn't see that number staying there. LOL
Maternity clothes? No but I wear some of them anyway. It won't be long before I have to wear the pants though.
Sleep: Somewhat decent.
Best moment this week: DH getting to listen to his son play and move via dopplar while we snuggled in the bed.
Gender: Definately a BOY!
Craving: Collard greens and Fried chicken dipped in ranch.
Movement: Getting stronger with more distinct thumps.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: My waist and a lowering number on the scale.
What I am looking forward to: Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping.
Milestones: Finding baby with a home dopplar and getting very distinct thumps.

A day of unease

So I had quite an experience yesterday. One I would rather not repeat. It started out innocent enough with my body flushing out everything like the Drop Slide at a water park.

By mid morning, I was unbelievably starving and cold to the point I had the shakes. I tried to eat something but it only made me feel sick. I had on my thick sweater and my space heater and started feeling hot on the skin but was still cold…almost feverish. My face was on fire and beet red. So I had one of our guys on the production line who is our emergency responder take my blood pressure and it was 140/90.

Needless to say, I called the Dr. and they decided to have me come in. By the time I got to the Dr. an hour and a half later, my blood pressure had only come down to 138/88 so not a significant improvement. They had me lay on my left side (which I would have tried but there is no way I’m laying on a grimey concrete floor in this place) while they checked little mister and my blood sugar and pulse and oxygen levels etc. Everything was good. That beautiful little heartbeat is getting easy to find and trucks right along no matter what tortures my body is going through.

Finally, about 30 minutes later when they checked my blood pressure again it had dropped to 100 / 66. WHOA. I was by that point, lethargic but my face was still on fire and bright red. I decided it was best if I headed home and continued to lie down. I felt feverish. So I ended up sleeping on the sofa for over 2 hours under a quilt with my Doxie’s curled around me for warmth.

When I finally got up to make Pumpkin Cream Cheese Muffins for DH’s holiday work party, I was very pale with bright red clown circles on my cheeks. Pretty huh?

I’m back at work today and so far so good. A little shaky, very cold and a little pale but I’m here and feeling like a bus ran over me. Tonight’s agenda is more sofa surfing with a plate full of chicken and mild pasta.

I have a busy weekend ahead and I don’t want to be feeling crappy through it or I’ll be stressed out next week trying to get ready for Thanksgiving and Stress is the LAST thing I need. Plus I have some exciting blog posts planned and I need my energy to get to them!

Week 21

Total weight gain: 12(The Doctor is going to kill me and I'm pretty pissed at myself over it.)
Maternity clothes? No but I wear some of them anyway. It won't be long before I have to wear the pants though.
Sleep: Getting a little better I think.
Best moment this week: Shopping with DH.
Gender: Definately a BOY!
Craving: Brownies earlier in the week. Nothing right now.
Movement: Still the same: Very sporadic and mostly translate into quarter sized sore spots with light thumps for a few moments.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: My waist and a lowering number on the scale. I feel like a whale...like I'm far bigger than I was before losing 46lbs.
What I am looking forward to: Seeing My BFF this weekend and getting giggly over baby boys. (She has two boys).
Milestones: Nothing this week.

"Handing" out Information on CTS

I think one of the biggest misconceptions about pregnancy is pregnancy itself. You hear the horror stories from pregnant people about the aches and pains and exhaustion and morning sickness but you tend to brush it off because you want the end result so badly you can taste it.

I think we tend to rationalize in our minds that people are drama queens and things are not really as bad as they make them out to be. Then we get hit with one of those rare occurrences that you don’t hear so much about (or maybe not so rare but not as prevalently talked about). Is it the end of the world? No, of course not but it damn sure can effect your life, moods, outlook etc.

Pregnancy Carpal Tunnel. Not something you expect to get, think about getting, prepare for getting and it can seriously “cramp” your life. My pregnancy has been rather mild. It was traumatic in the beginning with the unsurity of it. There were a few weeks of some good bouts of Morning sickness but other than that and some typical exhaustion, it has not been too bad. I’ve watched my weight (slowly climb that is), tried to eat healthy and had this false idea that if I could just keep my weight down I could avoid some of the discomforts many people experience. (I’m so delusional). Then my body lost control of itself and that idea went out the window this past weekend with my sanity.

You don’t realize how much you use your hands until you can’t. When your wrists ache and your hands start going numb and swelling it seriously affects your quality of living. I can’t walk for long periods without this happening. I lasted 6 minutes on the treadmill last night before they got to the point of numbness they actually felt like they were dipped in hot water.

My desk job, which everyone assumes to be so easy during pregnancy? I grit my teeth and cry through part of it because the pain in my wrists is so bad. Flipping through stacks of paper to organize chronologically (flip, pull, insert, twist, flip) is excruciating. I can barely get the cap off my water bottle and forget about opening jars while cooking.

Last night, just so I could try and sleep, my husband had to massage my hands. This morning, before I could get out of bed, he had to rub the right one and physically open it as it was balled in a clawed fist with stabbing pain and numbness and I couldn’t seem to open it myself.

Sitting here typing is giving me tingly warm sensations through my fingers so I can foresee if this keeps up and/or gets worse as predicted, I will be forced into a blogging/internet break. So again, my one outlet will be taken away from me. Just another part of me being lost to myself.

Is the sacrifice worth it? Of course it is but I’m not going to lie. It’s damn sure hard to get through the day to day of it all happily through the pain and it is definitely taking a hand in my mental state.

So here’s what you need to know about Carpal Tunnel during pregnancy:
Symptoms:
• Tingling or numbness in part of the hand (thumb, index, middle or ring fingers)
• Sharp pains that shoot from the wrist up the arm
• Burning Sensations in the fingers
• Morning stiffness or cramping of hands
• Thumb weakness
• Frequently dropping objects
• Waking at night with hand pain and numbness
• Numbness in hand while driving

(Yea, I actually have ALL THAT...nice huh?)

Carpal Tunnel during pregnancy affects 28% of pregnant women but mostly in the age range of 29-62yo. (They need to check those figures. I know it’s been done with modern science but seriously how many fucking pregnant 62 year olds are there?)

What CTS is: The median nerve, traveling through the “tunnel” of the wrist bones, is compressed by the flexor tendons. The nerve responds by sending pain signals and not carrying normal sensory information. It is usually brought on by water retention. (Hmmm maybe this is why I gained 6 pounds in one weekend.)

Treatment Suggestions:
• Reduce Salt intake to aid in the water retention issues.
• Practice Yoga (yea...I’m having a hard time considering this one since that’s going to HURT)
• Wrists braces
• Try not to do repetitive wrist motion that will aggravate it
• B6 supplements (though clinical studies have shown that this really isn’t significantly effective)
• Massage
• Regular breaks and position changes
• In more serious cases: cortisone shots in the wrist (I’ll be avoiding that particular one unless absolutely necessary)
• In Extreme Cases if the symptoms to not improve after pregnancy there is a simple outpatient surgery (but this is an extreme rarity for pregnancy induced CTS).

Sources: www.pregnancytoday.com ; www.babycenter.com ; www.ehow.com .

Losing Sanity

I’m feeling very depressed today. I’m not sure why. I didn’t wake up feeling that way. I slept pretty soundly last night. I don’t feel overly tired. Maybe it’s just Monday, but I don’t feel like myself today. Maybe it’s the impending Holidays and knowing the in-laws are descending upon my sanctuary next week. Maybe it’s a hangover from all the shopping/walking/decisions this weekend. I just have a list of complaints and that’s not typically like me.

My wrists hurt. They are very painful and if I move a certain way my hands shoot pains and go numb and swell. My calves keep cramping up and my back aches. I should be able to say: “Whatever, this is what happens to a pregnant body.” I can’t. I feel like I have lost all control over everything and I’m trapped. My doctor wants me to start using the treadmill and doing prenatal Yoga because I’ve gained 10 pounds but how am I supposed to do that when it hurts to even breathe sometimes. I can barely hold a pen or type this entry and you want me to support my weight in downward-facing-dog position on my swollen little wrists?

I’m trapped in a body that doesn’t belong to me anymore and that I can’t control. The hormones are even attacking my ability to think straight so I’ve lost control of my brain.

Any decisions over nursery décor, baby names, etc. seem to have been taken over by my husband and I’m just being swept along on a wave without a clue as to what’s going on and the worst part is I’m not sure I even care anymore. I can't make a decision to save my life.

When did I lose all control? When did I become this shell, this alien host to a little life that I’m starting to feel disconnected from?

Is this a typical momentary event during the middle of pregnancy that is short term as things start progressing quickly and you feel left behind or is this uniquely a feeling of mine and a precursor to PPD which runs in my family?

I shouldn’t feel this way! I’ve struggled for over three years to get here, why are these feelings and thoughts intruding on my happiness and excitement? It’s not fair and I want it to go away.

I knew what I was getting into. I wanted this and knew the possible consequences and I have tried to be joyous about everything and not complain. It’s not about me anymore but I’m having a hard time adjusting right now. I feel like I’m losing myself. I feel out of control.

If one more thing goes wrong at work today, and people don’t quit talking to me, I’m going to lose my shit and scream. Just Leave me the fuck alone people. What is so hard about that? Is it not obvious that I don’t want to be talked to?

Letter to My Son

Dear Baby Boy,

We haven’t decided on your name yet. It’s a big decision because you have to live with it the rest of your life. We don’t want to make a mistake and have you hate us for it later. We have picked it out along with a few backups but have not made the official decision yet. If only I could ask you what you wanted to be called…or could see your precious face and know what name would suit you best.

You have no idea what is in store for you though. You have an amazing life ahead of you. Your father and I both have big ideas of things for you to do, activities you may enjoy, and the endless possibilities of what you will turn out to be. None of them matter. Only your happiness matters. We will support you in whatever way you need, whatever you decide to do and whoever you turn out to be.

Until I meet you though, I am dreaming of all the possibilities. I’m imagining the activities that you will enjoy, the things you are going to do as you grow and the pure joy you are going to experience. You will have opportunities to ride horses through the mountain trails with your cousins, have cannonball competitions in the pool with your friends on a hot southern summer day, learn how to garden with your mommy and experience the most amazing flavors like fresh tomatoes off the vine, build birdhouses for boy scouts with your Dad, ride a hay wagon behind your grandpa on his tractor, eat fresh crisp watermelon on your Grandma’s front porch, splash through the waves with your cousins that live on the coast, and frolic in the yard with two doggies that are waiting in unbridled anticipation to be your best friends.

There are so many things you will learn, and unending possibilities of what you can be. You can be a doctor, a lawyer, a true cowboy, a grocery store bag boy or the President of the United States. You can join the military and fight for our freedom like your father and his father before him and/or you can go to college like your parents and grandparents before us. You can start a high school rock band, and make platinum albums or play in the garages. You can fly to the moon or mars or another galaxy all together.

As my favorite author once stated “The knowledge that someone believes in one keeps one trying to make good.” ~ Emilie Loring. Your father and I will always believe in you and help you to make good in your life. To live as happily as possible and weather the storms when they come.

I promise you that no one will ever love you more or believe in you as we already do. Our love can only grow as you do, as we guide you on your journey to becoming a great man that I already feel you are. You will be the best of both of us and a true reflection of how much we love each other. We put everything into having you and we will continue to put everything into making your life an amazing adventure of love and hope and endless possibilities.

My precious little boy, I love you beyond words, beyond time and beyond anything I’ve ever imagined. I carry you with me now and soon will hold you in my arms and gaze upon your perfect face.
Always,

Mom

20 Week Update and Gender Reveal

How far along?20 weeks
Total weight gain: 10(The Doctor is not too happy with me over that one.)
Maternity clothes? No. But my ebay clothes came and I'm definately going to start wearing them just because I love some of them!
Sleep: Off and On depending on the day.
Best moment this week: Finding out HLB is a BOY!
Gender: Definately a BOY!
Craving: Panera Bread broccoli and Cheddar Soup.
Movement: Very sporadic and mostly translate into quarter sized sore spots with light thumps for a few moments.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: My waist and a lowering number on the scale.
What I am looking forward to: Baby shopping this weekend and adding stuff to the registry!
Milestones: Gender Scan and Registering!

Gender Anxiety

I can’t believe tomorrow is the big day. It blows my mind. What happened to “this day will never get here?” I’m expecting today and tomorrow morning to move so slowly but so far it has sped along at a normal clip to spite me.

I know, the time is hurtling towards the ultrasound because I’m scared to death. I’m not scared my baby won’t be there but I’m scared of what will happen AFTER we find out the gender. Why you ask? Well let me be blunt.

We don’t care what we have. I am just as excited for a boy as a girl and vice versa as is my husband but we are both worried about our families’ relationship and reactions with our child.

We have tried for three almost four years for a child, long after our other siblings have had a few. (Each of our siblings has two children already). All of the grandchildren are boys. We have been put upon with so much pressure to have “THE girl.” Even when we were struggling with IF, insensitive comments were made constantly about its up to us, and we need to figure it out because we owe the family a girl etc. etc. It was very hurtful because all we wanted was a baby.

Since getting pregnant, more pressure has been put on us. “Make sure it’s a girl, we are putting our order in for a granddaughter etc.” to the point that it has taken all I had in me not to scream at them. Now that the time is here to find out, I’m scared to death. They have taken a lot of our joy and excitement away to be replaced by nerves and apprehension.

DH and I discussed it yesterday and he has the same fears that I do. We have been planning all along for either sex: picking out both names, picking out both sets of bedding and nursery ideas etc. We are both prepared for the fact that if HLB is a girl we will be inundated with gifts and clothes that we don’t even want but its already been established that if it’s a boy we will be getting hand me downs only as no one is excited to buy for another boy and I want to cry.

I want to cry for my son that I will love very much because he will be overlooked by his extended family and it breaks my heart. We are prepared for the comments. My husband is actually ready to end his relationship with his parents if they say one negative thing about our son being a boy. He was furious in his discussion yesterday because he knows them, and he knows what things will be said and he if it comes to pass like that, he will never again see his family and I know this.

We know my family will not be as bad though there are bound to be some stupid comments made (and have already been but I refrain from mentioning them here for many reasons) but my mother has already expressed excitement in having either sex so we are more apt to put them in their place over stupid comments then to end a relationship with them completely. Maybe its different as they only have TWO grandchildren where as the other side has FOUR. I don’t know. But it hurts me unbearably.

I want a little boy. I want a little girl too. I’m greedy. I want both and we fully intend to have a second child in 2-3 years. I feel that if this one is a boy though, I will be so full of anxiety waiting for the end of relationships, the inevitable comments, etc. that I won’t enjoy it. I feel that for my baby’s sake, it would be best if this first one is a girl, and THAT makes me feel like an absolutely horrible mother.

I have been living with this apprehension over the sex of my baby for a very long time. I can’t get it out of my head right now with it looming tomorrow. I side-eye people when they express gender disappointment because a baby is all I want but now that its here I’m so afraid I will have it simply because of family dynamics and I feel like a wretched person and a fraud. Maybe this is a Karmic lesson that I shouldn’t judge other’s because I don’t know what they are going through (though most of the time they give stupid reasons like they don’t want to clean a penis or simply want to decorate in pink and they still deserved side-eyeing).

It’s all I can do to type this out and put this giant fear into words. I feel physically sick to my stomach having written it but I don’t want it festering inside me. I’m hoping by getting it out that I can focus on the joy. We are so truly excited to give a name to our baby and go shopping and plan for this little One’s future and we will do so with or without our families but I so want this baby to be loved and know its grandparents and cousins. It DESERVES that no matter what is between its legs.

I know, that no matter what happens and who this baby turns out to be, that it will never want for love because his/her Daddy and Mommy love it to the moon and back and that will be enough it has to be.

19 weeks

How far along?19 weeks
Total weight gain: 9 pounds (Yep, that's 7lbs in one week. I blame the Holiday party foods of chicken stew (with real cream) cake etc.)
Maternity clothes? No. I did however purchase several items through ebay and am waiting on them to arrive. Probably not a moment too soon as my pants are getting tight in the waist and my clothes, while still fitting look awkward.
Sleep: When I do sleep, its very heavy and I wake up stiff and sore. I'm just not getting quite enough still.
Best moment this week: Ordering maternity clothes.
Gender: Leaning towards boy.
Craving: Nothing really
Movement: I've felt a few wierd thumps once or twice.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: My waist. LOL
What I am looking forward to: The ANATOMY SCAN ON TUESDAY!
Milestones: Needing maternity clothes?

Heating Pads During Pregnancy

I actually had to Google “heating pad during pregnancy.” Why? Because I have become addicted to mine and I got worried about using it on my lower back where my pain is centered today.

I’m happy to report that they are considered generally safe though not recommended to use on your abdomen. The largest concern is heating up your core body temperature which is the same reason Hot tubs are not recommended because it can cause birth defects and miscarriage according to the March of Dimes. (at least the few articles I scanned).

So it’s better to be safe than sorry even when you feel stupid wondering about such a mundane thing as a heating pad.

Of course there are probably safer heating pads to use than mine. It’s about 20 some years old, the cover is long gone and the cord is crinkled though no wiring is exposed. This sucker gets HOT! (I’ve had red welts on my skin for days because I fell asleep on it).

Since my back problems at work were not improved any when I fell on the concrete floors Friday thanks to lovely Armorall in front of the women’s restroom, my heating pad and chiropractor will be my sidekicks for at least another week.

Being Self-aware and Self-centered

I may not be a smug pregnant woman, because I appreciate every moment I am pregnant (despite the occasional complaint about the cramps, back pain and sleeplessness LOL) but I can honestly say I am a self-centered one.

I think everyone needs to be honest with themselves and other’s and I am self-centered right now. I think, in a way, its justified. Pregnant women (and not just IFers and loss sufferers but pregnant women as a whole group) should be more aware of their bodies during this time. (Charters, IF sufferers, and Loss sufferers tend to be more aware than most people even before pregnancy and become hyper aware afterwards). Our bodies are these amazing natural machines that go through all these organic changes that can seem really crazy sometimes.

Not to mention we want and should keep our bodies absolutely healthy as possible, be even more conscious of what we put in our mouths, exercise, injury etc. because its no longer just us that we are screwing over, there’s another being in there dependent on our bodies. (Like a parasite, isn’t that a lovely thought?)

I’ve had my share of junk food. I’ve never done drugs nor been a heavy drinker but I have had my share of rough and tumble party nights and I was a smoker for 15 years. (a few off years here and there but most of that decade and a half I smoked.) I haven’t maintained a healthy lifestyle my whole life though is the point.

In the past few years, I have become a more self conscious person when it comes to how I live. I’ve been a non smoker for almost two years (yes, I know if you do the math, that means I smoked during the first year of TTC with the intentions of quitting the moment I found out…it was stupid of me.) I’ve made so many changes to my diet and lifestyle as I’ve actually discovered things about myself (my mortality, my allergies, my PCOS etc.) and have become a much healthier (and smaller!) version of me.

Now that I have finally made it some distance on a long awaited journey of actually bringing a child into the world, I am even more self centered. Everything we do, every place we go, everything we eat is first weighed and thought about in terms of “what about me and my baby?” Do I want to try a new restaurant that DH wants to go to and risk an allergy attack since I’m pregnant? Do I really want to get up early and go shopping all day and if I do are their baby stores nearby? Etc. etc. etc.

Do I want to go to the in-laws at Christmas when I am 7 months pregnant? (that would be a hell no by the way). I am completely absorbed by myself and this child. I day dream about cribs and bedding during work. I mark the passage of time by counting down days to my next events which bring me closer to the next baby appt.

I’ve let certain aspects of my life outside the home slide because I just don’t feel like putting in the effort anymore and that’s probably a little self centered too. But hey, at least I’m honest and I don’t act or pretend like the world revolves around me nor do I ask to be waited on hand and foot or be focused on at family events etc. But in my own head? Yea, I’m totally focused on me and my little family. I admit it freely.

Week 18

How far along?18 weeks
Total weight gain: 2 pounds (I lost two more pounds last week)
Maternity clothes? No. I have the one pair of pants and one top. I haven't worn them since I bought them though. I'm still wearing all my regular clothes. Even my "skinny jeans" don't feel that tight anymore now that some of the bloat has gone down, but they are low rise so they fit below this expanding waist of mine.
Sleep: What's that? I haven't had but a few hours total in the past three days. I'm a zombie.
Best moment this week: An unexpected visit to the Dr.'s allowed me to hear HLB's heartbeat again and reassure me.
Gender: I'm 51/49 Girl/boy.
Craving: Water. (i'm a little dehydrated) and pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks (decaff ofcourse).
Movement: not since last week thus the excitement to hear the heartbeat again.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: Energy and sleep.
What I am looking forward to: The Halloween party this weekend. Puts me one step closer to the anatomy scan.
Milestones: We definately settled on the crib which we will be purchasing right after the anatomy scan. Davinci Kalani.

Hump Day Melancholy

So my whiny mood on Monday? Turned into an emotional breakdown by Tuesday. The knot in my shoulder and headache got worse. On Tuesday morning I got out of bed (after very little sleep from the pain) to half my face being numb, blurred vision in that eye, numb arm and leg with horrible pain. I called the Dr. to get a recommendation on seeing a masseuse or a chiropractor and they wanted me to come in immediately.

I did not know this but there is a thing called “pregnancy induced Bells Palsy.” That’s pretty scary, but I don’t have it. I have a hormone induced muscle knot that I get to look forward to dealing with on and off through my entire pregnancy. Yay me.

I did end up seeing a chiropractor yesterday who adjusted me and worked on that knot and put me on a gentle setting roller bed. I felt great for about 10 minutes….till I went home and everything tightened back up. I did catch a few cat naps during my imposed bed rest though. My OB felt that I should stay out of work and do nothing because my blood pressure and heart rate were a little elevated. Not high, but higher than my norm most likely due to the pain and stress of it (aka lack of sleep). So I managed to take a few short naps on the sofa but I had to get in just the right positions to prop my shoulder on pillows a certain way to find any comfort.

Last night, I would have slept a little better had it not been for the combined pain and tornadoes. None of the bad weather came directly near me but was in the same county so my weather radio kept going off and I kept waking up to watch the radar. I get to look forward to more of that tonight.

To say I’m pretty miserable is probably an understatement though I know many that are far more miserable than I so I feel guilty for complaining too much. What really got me going was the new car finance company. I had a set to with one of their non English speaking lying customer service reps at near 9pm last night. I eventually had to hang up the phone because I was so upset with them I could feel my Blood pressure rising. My first payment isn’t due till November 28th. I haven’t even gotten any paperwork from them on how to pay them (since Carmax doesn’t provide that) and they have an automated phone system dialing my CELL phone multiple times a day and hanging up on me. According to call center bitch, their records only indicate one phone call to my home number to welcome me and they left a message on my answering machine. WRONG. My home number doesn’t have an answering machine you lying twatwaffle and I have a record of the multiple calls and times on my cell phone. When I hit callback, guess what? I GOT YOU fucker. It was bad. I lost it and she wouldn’t transfer me to a manager. I eventually said something extremely not nice and hung up and ended up sobbing in my husbands arms in the middle of my kitchen because I was so stressed out over everything: car, pain, upcoming party, trying to get dinner done, bad weather etc.

Carmax and this new finance company will be getting very explosive letters from me to say the least and I damn well hope they recorded that phone call. I have been with Ford Credit through three cars in the past 10 years. Needless to say, I will be going BACK to Ford and their lovely finance company when we trade DH’s vehicle. Carmax has officially lost my business after this and the DMV license plate fiasco. Two weeks I’ve had my car, and it’s been nothing but a hassle for stupid reasons. Reasons an emotional pregnant women should not have to deal with.

Sometimes I wish my husband was one of those guys who handled the money and investments and dealing with stuff like that, but in our household, I’m the one. I handle the money better and pay all the bills, and plan the expenditures and deal with insurance problems etc. etc. He isn’t very good about that kind of thing so it makes our life smoother, but sometimes, like yesterday, I wish I didn’t have to do it all.

Rainy day whining

It's one of those days...you know where the weather is cool and dreary, a pressure system is moving through and your head is pounding so you lament about all the bad things? That would be today. What am I lamenting about?

The fact that sometimes my stomach is hard as a rock and other times it goes soft like my ute disappeared all together. How I haven't felt the baby move lately and its probably my fault because I had too much caffiene and not enough water so something terrible has happened.

How my nips are turning dark, almost scabby at the tips and sore. Did I mention they are huge? WTF? I can barely stand to look at them much less touch them. A casual playful grab from DH sends me into a cowering screaming puddle of boob grasping teeth baring frenzy. I feel like a tazmanian devil where my boobs are concerned.

His flippant "welcome to pregnany honey" comments don't help. AS IF YOU EFFING KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE ARSEHOLE! STFU.

See? I'm an irrational complaining raging bitch today. I should have stayed in bed.

Week 17

How far along?17 weeks
Total weight gain: 4 pounds (I lost two of those pesky pounds from last week..can we say BLOAT!)
Maternity clothes? Yes. I bought my first outfit over the weekend. The pants won't stay up though.
Sleep: What's that?
Best moment this week: Buying a mommy car and maternity clothes.
Gender: I'm 51/49 Girl/boy.
Craving: Salad
Movement: Light occasional flutters...especially at 3am.
Labor Signs: No.
Belly Button in or out? Still In.
What I miss: Energy and sleep.
What I am looking forward to: A weekend of relaxation with nothing pressing to do.
Milestones: Moving towards mommymode materially? Is that considered a milestone (come one..atleast for a fast sports car driving vain clothes whore?)

I'm not sure if its the lighting or my camera (as outdoor pics are great on it) but as of right now, blurry work bathroom pics are the only option. Sigh.