Monday, December 5, 2011

Midnight Anger Management

Sometimes, I'm not a good parent. I recognize my flaws and am trying to move away from them.

My angry toned curse words for example. In the middle of sleep deprived night number 2, as I spill formula all over me trying to fill a bottle and hold a squirmy crying baby all by the glow of a twilight turtle...and a loud angry "damn it" spews from my lips waking the house.

I'm not mad at my son, I'm mad at myself for adding more work to my exhausted night, but I have to stop the knee jerk reactions because he is starting to understand words and already feels the tones.

I don't want him growing up on pins and needles waiting to be startled by one of mommy's outburts or thinking he did it.

I'm wound tight, highstrung but I have to relax and take mishaps of motherhood in stride, stress and exhaustion be darned. There's more at stake here than me and my bad habits.

But in the darkness, through bloodshot eyes, crying because I let myself go, it's hard to think clearly.

My poor baby is teething, tired and I wasn't fixing it. Instead, I got frustrated and had to hand him off to his dad to get out of wet pants and clean up the floor.

Not one of my best parenting moments, to say the least...and it shows as evidence by this picture taken today...after a long day at work/daycare. We are both exhausted and pale.

:fingers crossed for a good night of sleep tonight and a happy baby and momma tomorrow:

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