Grilled or Baked? It's a CUPCAKE BURGER

These little boogers have been surfing the net for some time from Blog to Blog in various forms. I chose to incorporate items from three different sources and use my own recipes instead of boxed mixes (because I'm difficult like that). It's really not as complicated as it looks. Messy? yes, a bit.

But well worth it. These were a big hit at the Birthday party yesterday!

Recipes:
Buttermilk Cupcakes and Cream Cheese Icing (just eliminate the chocolate from this recipe for white icing)

Scratch Brownies

What you will need:
A Round Cookie Cutter
Gel Food Coloring
White Fondant
shredded or Flaked coconut

Bake cupcakes and brownies per directions. Cool overnight (or several hours). Make icing per instructions leaving out chocolate. Seperate icing into three bowls.

Lettuce=Shredded coconut, icing and green food coloring (add a little at a time until your color is the way you want).

Ketchup=icing plus a few drops of blue food coloring and quite a bit of red (to get a deeper red.

Mustard=yellow plus icing.

Cheese= Fondant kneeded with yellow, roll out on floured board to very thin and cut into small square.

Directions:
Cut cupcakes in half, pipe on some "lettuce", place a circle of brownie, pipe on "mustard", place fondant "cheese", pipe on "ketchup", and top with the cupcake top! TA DA! Easy Peasy.

Lemon Ricotta Cookies

I had two lemons and an extra container of Ricotta cheese leftover from Easter. What a perfect way to use both items but to create these light as air cakey cookies? The taste is fantastic and would actually make an excellent cake but because I can't leave well enough alone, instead of icing them, I cut them in strips and used them as "fries" to go with my Cupcake Burgers, so I don't really have a good picture for you.

Lemon Ricotta Cookies
(Inspired by Giada)
Ingredients:
2 3/4 cups Self Rising flour
1 stick unsalted butter, room temp
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
1 container ricotta cheese
3 1/2 tbs fresh lemon juice
zest of 1 lemon
Splash of Vanilla extract (maybe 1/4 tsp)
Sugar to dust

Directions:
Cream butter and sugar in KA Mixer until fluffy. Add eggs one at a time. Add vanilla. Add the ricotta, lemon juice and zest. Slowly incorporate the flour.

Spoon onto a greased cookie sheet (or mini muffin pan would work well too). Sprinkle with sugar. Bake in a preheated oven (375 degrees) for about 15 minutes and cool on a wire rack.

Screw You Fertility Friend

You are no friend of mine.

Stats: "Cervical Position and CM are at your Most Fertile. Green Light."

But they throw the disclaimer in there "You are probably not fertile."

FUCK YOU FF. Just FUCK YOU.

You don't need to state the obvious btw. I'm not stupid you piece of shit software.

Going Without

I got married at 28 yo. We started the before my 29th birthday with the hopes of having a child before 30yo. Then it became hoping to be pregnant before my 30th birthday.

Then I got desperately plastered on my 30th birthday.

I turned 32 yesterday. I still don't have a baby nor am I pregnant.

Life sucks a big fat donkeyball sometimes. People ask me what I want for my birthday and I can't tell them because no one can give it to me and it just makes it awkward for them.

No one understands that its awkward for me every day of my life because I can't unthink the things that I do.

Buttermilk Cupcakes with Chocolate Icing

So I took a hiatus yesterday even though I have quite a backlog of entries because it was my birthday! Happy Birthday to me. (Not really, I'm not one who enjoys getting older at this stage of my life...oh to still be in my 20's and not care).

Now, I'm one of those freaks of nature that as a child, the one thing that made me happy for my birthday was grilled hamburgers and yellow cake with chocolate icing. Out of all the elaborate cakes etc, I always wanted yellow with chocolate icing. (I vaguely remember a strawberry cake one time but I think that was during my Strawberry shortcake doll phase). As an adult, my leanings are for coconut cake but I digress.

Last night I took a trip down memory lane and made homemade buttermilk cupcakes with chocolate icing courtesy of The Neelys. Let me tell you, this is by far the best tasting yellow/chocolate combination I've ever had. My one tip: do NOT fill the cupcakes as high as you do with other recipes because these expand a great deal and overflow. So mine are not that pretty but I will be making them again (and again and again).

Excellent Recipe and so simple!

Buttermilk Cupcakes with Chocolate Icing
Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups Self Rising Flour
2 large eggs
2 egg yolks
1 cup sugar
1 and 1/2 sticks of butter (melted)
2 tsps vanilla
1/2 cup buttermilk

Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting:
1 stick of butter (room temp)
8 ounces of cream cheese (room temp)
3 cups confectioner's sugar
4 ounces semisweet chocolate chips, melted
1 tsp vanilla

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In KA Mixer with paddle attachment, cream butter and sugar together. Add eggs and yolks one at a time. Add vanilla and buttermilk.

Slowly add flour. Mix until smooth. Batter will be very fluffy.

Fill Muffin Cups 1/2-3/4 full and bake for 20 minutes or until tester comes out clean. Cool completely before frosting.

For Icing: Cream butter and cream cheese until smooth. Blend chocolate and vanilla into mix and then slowly add confectioner's sugar. Pipe icing onto cupcakes. (I tried spreading and it makes a mess of the cupcakes; the piping worked much better).

As Promised: Picture! (Please ignore the bad icing job. I tried spreading icing first. Ended up piping the rest).

As you can see

from my chart, I got on board with the baby train this month, non-medicated of course. I'm trying really hard to push the anxiety away and go with it and deal with my fears. I thought, despite the early O date, that we were going to catch it this time, but a temp dip tells me otherwise.

So maybe I haven't ovulated yet (or maybe I won't this month and I'm dreaming that my body will continue to operate) and the past few days of extremely painful sex will be for nothing.

Maybe its also true that my vag and sore cervix is now whimpering at the mere thought of having to continue with sex for a true O. (Yep, definately true.)

And maybe, just maybe, I'm almost willing to go with my husbands idea of "We've attacked it with sperm from one end, maybe we should try it from the other." *raised eyebrown and devilish smile from him* (Yea, okay, maybe not. Nice try honey).

My Walk on the Crunchy Path: Part II

After a really bad 2009, I was really hoping for a good 2010. My hopes were high. I should have known better. 2010 started out with an explosion of unhealthy proportions...literally. Something happened to change my relationship with food and start me down the crunchy path.

January 5th, I made Sausage and Pepper Risotto. Approx. 45 minuts later I was in full blown panic as my throat was scratchy and tight, it was increasingly difficult to breathe, lips were numb, tongue felt swollen even after taking four benedryl and throwing up multiple times. With a red face and chest that felt like it was on fire, we headed to the emergency room.

I was given epinephrin, rehydrated, given steroids and monitored. Finally, in a dazed stupor I was released. For weeks I experienced scary episodes and lung/chest pain. I endured allergy tests, CT scans, meds, pokes, prods and treatments. I racked up quite a lovely medical debt despite insurance.

I became afraid to eat. I was tormented and panicked at the thought of putting food in my mouth. I lost 15 lbs in less than two weeks.

As I redeveloped my relationship with food, things changed. I started relying on fresh, local products, steering away from packaged items with things I couldn't pronounce. I introduced things into my system in their simplest forms without multiple ingredients in case I reacted so I could more clearly pinpoint what I could and could not eaten. My body was in turmoil and my stress and anxiety did not help.

I used smaller portions in case I racted so there wouldn't be as much of the "poison" in my system. Weeks were spent living in fear that I would die because of something I put in my mouth and no one could pin point exactly what the triggers were but they are more frequent with varying degrees of severeness. Some days I wouldn't eat at all. My husband would often remind me to eat and I would still refuse. Weight started falling off and I became fairly obsessed with it.

To be Continued...