It's hard leaving. The mornings aren't so bad. He's been up and eaten, changed, dressed, had playtime or snuggles with daddy, eaten again and is a little sleepy when I hand him over. At lunch though, he doesn't have enough time with me to breastfeed properly. He spends 20-30 minutes trying to cuddle and alternating between feeding and smiling up at me adoringly. When its time to go my aunt has to practically pry him from my arms as I steal just one (hundred) more kiss and soak up another smile. It's agony sneaking out behind his back because if I see the love on his face and those big blue eyes watching me, I'll never leave again.
In the evenings he clings and I cling back because I have to make up for all the hugs, smiles, kisses I missed today. I miss being pregnant and having him with me all the time but I can't get enough of him. Time needs to slow down.
Time is supposed to make seperation easier but I don't see how. It's just a reminder of how much I'm missing. It would be great if I worked at a place that had daycare on the premises or I could work a few days from home even. Breaks & Lunch I could go breastfeed and see him more. In a way, I like getting adult time to conversate, organize my bills, budgets, etc. I already feel more competent and organized again.
But there's always the leaving and the missed smiles that trump the small pleasures of working (minus the paycheck which is why I work.)
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