Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I'm not "In Love" with my child

It has always irked me when people say "we are so in love" after having a baby. It always seemed so cliche and almost a forced emotional statement. Something reserved for young engaged couples, not encompassing this magnificent upheaval of the heart that parenthood brings. I swore I would never use it, and I don't think I ever had a desire to. I'm not sure I ever tried to put into words the magnitude of my emotions for my child because frankly there are not words in any language that can encompass what I feel for him.

I'm not even sure how I can have another child because how can my heart, body, soul & mind possibly survive this amount of unconditional feeling x 2 without exploding? "I'm in love" does not even come close to being a proper descriptive phrase.

"I would fight tigers for him" seems more apt because at least it portrays the protective qualities and ferociousness of emotion I have. You don't know how protective you can be until having a child.

I've always maintained I could shoot someone defending my home and loved ones. I would not hesitate to watch a bullet mutilate skin and bone of a kneecap to stop the advancement of a robber etc.

I don't even think I would bother with that now. If someone were to put my child in danger or attempt harm anywhere in the vacinity, I would go for the kill and I do not take life easily. I feel guilty squishing bugs, I'm a prolifer in all aspects, but I will truly fight tigers (or robbers) to the death to protect my son. To protect this indescribable love for this small creature I brought into the world for he is what I live for. He is the best part of me and I can't imagine going on without him. I love beyond comparison, beyond time, beyond words.

Even "I love you to the moon and back" doesn't come close but is definitely more apt than "i'm in love."

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