Saturday, November 28, 2009

When does it end?

When do the reminder's quit coming? When do you stop seeing something and get a catch in your breath, a sadness in your heart?

Thanksgiving was fine. There really wasn't anything about it that I didn't get through. Black Friday was another story.

Just small things. A "baby's first Christmas ornament" that made me turn away. An infant sleeping peacefully in a carrier perched on a shopping cart at 3am in a throng of people wanting a Flatscreen TV that made me want to strangle someone and dash out of the store with it.

A letter in the mail from the hospital with a final tally of what I owe after the insurance.

Today, a letter from the insurance asking me to fill out a survey for access to the pregnancy health benefits and what to look for during preterm labor. Thanks assholes. I guess you didn't pay attention to the bill for the MISCARRIAGE! Jerks.

When will my blog quit being about miscarriage and silence and become about living again? When will I be ready to try again and not feel like a monster for attempting it?

2 comments:

  1. My SIL had a stillborn 2 1/2 years ago, and at Thanksgiving she told me it does get easier. I'm sending you huge hugs and tons of love.

    ReplyDelete