My body is currently home to a hot air balloon residing under my left shoulder blade. Which is only a slight improvement from the middle of my spine where it started. For approximately 6 hours I have been spewing forth the most obnoxious burps to ever come from a human body. A body wracked with stabbing pain and completely and utterly exhausted from the sheer energy I've used to express this air from the hell it came from.
The range of demonic sounds that are coming out of my mouth would impress the Philharmonic Orchestra and scare a tyranasaurus back into extinction. My ribs actually feel bruised, my throat is partially on fire and I'm waiting for pea soup to geyser onto the wall while my head spins around. William Friedkin will be knocking on my door to cast me in the next big thriller and Linda Blair will hate me for my diabolical technique.
While I'm not sure its quite worthy of an Oscar nod, I'm pretty sure if it continues into tomorrow I may be forced to come to grips with the fact that something nefarious has indeed inhabited my body and will slowly take over. If my blog begins to change noticeably and I no longer sound like myself or start speaking in riddles, please send an entire horde of priests to my rescue A.S.A.P.
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