Things have been wonderful lately. It seemed everything was falling into place. We got pregnant. PREGNANT. It was the ultimate achievement. My full time position with benefits was coming through. DH is back in school. Life was going good.
I was starting to dream of nurseries and cribs. Then the bottom fell out. IN ONE DAY. My job is a no go. So I'm back to looking for employment while I remain a contracted temp. DH's car needs repairing and it will cost an arm and a leg. He's in a bad mood over it all. His birthday is around the corner and I don't know if I can afford him anything with this car repair and its his 30th so I wanted it to be special.
Due to my employment status and some recent hits to my credit due to the down turn in the economy, I am not eligible for a traditional car loan. DH still refuses to drive my car so that will force me into buying through a money sucking scam like Drive Time.
I KNOW we couldn't wait due to my infertility issues and advancing maternal age to get pregnant and no time will ever be perfect. I also know that we are VERY blessed in what we have: stability, a nice house with low payments, love, family etc. We are far more stabile financially then probably 70% of people currently having children despite our few hiccups. It doesn't make it easier to face my short comings though. I had it so together a few years ago. My credit was perfect, I had the world in front of me, the great job, a fiancee, a house etc. and we were trying for a baby. My world fell apart with infertility and my job plummet. Those were some very dark days.
I know we just have a few storm clouds in our skies and they too will pass. None of them will matter when I'm holding that precious baby and the sun shines through our world. There will be rainbows and birdsong and the storms will have washed everything clean. Life will never be stress free. There will ALWAYS be something on the horizon but its how you deal with it that makes your life great or breaks you. I KNOW ALL this, and I still feel less stress than times before when things like this have happened because everything is minute compared to this baby. I can't deny that it is still worrisome and frustrating though! I just want to scream and get it out of my system rather than being stuck here at work not concentrating.
::breathes deep:: This too shall pass and day dreams of baby bedding and paint chips shall soon dance in my head again.
Oh honey. I hope it all turns around for you guys soon. You deserve the best. Concentrate on one thing at a time, and the rest will follow. Remember, you're never given more than you can handle.
ReplyDeleteGood luck! You can do this! Baby Buck is going to be perfect, and then the rest will seem a little more insignificant! Just hang in there.