I'm a blog failure. On both blogs. I think i have writers block. I've been cooking, I've been living, I've been struggling. I've had up moments, I've thought about what to write. Everytime I sit down at the computer and pull up blogger though, my mind goes blank and I lose all desire to write anything.
Last week at the Allergist appt I was down. I stepped on the scales at work Friday and I was up 7lbs and I almost cried. Yesterday, I went for a drug test for work and I was back down 3 lbs after a night of throwing up. I haven't eaten since Sunday. I've barely drank any water.
I had another "allergy attack" after dinner Sunday night. I got through it without an Epi pen or hospital visit. A lot of puking, shaking, and some benedryl and my husband blessedly gently rubbing my back for two hours between puking fits got me through it. It's scary. Especially since the only thing showing up is mold and mildew allergies on my panels. I had made homemade bread....yeast is considered a mold. Could that be it? I don't know.
So the past two days I've eaten nothing but water and done research on where molds can be found in our food. It's very scary. Did you know that it is ACCEPTABLE for levels of mold to be in canned foods, grain etc? Cheese has mold...lots of it.Mushrooms and yeast are considered molds.
I feel like I can eat NOTHING except cooked veggies that are fresh or frozen. I don't like feeling like I can't breathe. So I'm having trouble dealing with this issue. Quite a bit actually.
It's also scary thinking about TTCing next month with this going on. The only good thing, I'm getting through the episodes. I can live. I just need to learn to relax and deal with it and try to avoid things for now until my body figures itself out I guess.
Good news: I am officially gainfully employed. The job I've been doing for the past (almost TWO YEARS) to supplement the crappy dwindling pay from Real Estate sales has hired me on as a permanent employee which means BENEFITS and a job to come back to after maternity leave! The insurance is BETTER and CHEAPER then my husbands so I'm looking forward to that, plus I will again have a 401k and the pay is significantly better. I will also get paid for all the holidays off now. In January I will get extra vacation time. I've also quit Real Estate for now so I'm down to one job. The stress relief is HUGE ya'll. Even my husband is feeling relief. He has long since felt he had the weight on his shoulders as neither of my jobs carried insurance or were guaranteed.
So that helps with feeling more secure with TTC. Now if I can only get this lung issue under control........
So to end this post I will answer the McFatty Monday questions for Blair:
"Any other emotional eaters out there? Or do you eat for another reason? What do you do to combat the urges? How do you look your precious M&M’s & meatloaf in the eye & say, “Darling, it’s not you. It’s me!”
I am an emotional eater. Lately, I've been an emotional NON-EATER because I'm too nervous/scared/chicken-shit to let food pass through my lips. I have convinced my brain that food is going to cause me not to breathe. Effective in dieting..not so good in living.