Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Letter to my Future

Dear Baby,
A friend told me to write down my wish, my hope, my dream. To put it into words and keep it safe. What is a safer place then in my heart? Everyday I live with the knowledge that there is a child waiting for my heart. I’ve been living so long in this world of limbo waiting to touch you. To hug you, to hold you, and to comfort you. I don’t know who you will be. Whether you are in God’s playground or whether your heartbeat has touched mine before and you are waiting to return. Maybe you are already born waiting to find your way into my home sometime down the road. Maybe you are plural and one of each of the above. That’s fine too.
I don’t know the whens, wheres, whys and hows. I do know love. Wherever, whatever, however you are. The way you make your way into my life matters not. However many of you there are, makes no difference because I already love you. I will always love you and welcome you home.
This journey has forced patience and strength I never knew I possessed. I look around and see what others take for granted. What actions and frustrations come so easily to parents that make me cringe. When they are exhausted, overwhelmed, stressed, they forget the miracle of children. I’ve seen parents snap at a child because they don’t put their shoe on quick enough and they do it in front of strangers or dearly loved extended family. I’ve seen the tears and hurt in that child’s face and I remember those feelings from my youth.
I was not a perfect child and I will not be a perfect parent. I will be an “old” mom and I won’t always remember to be patient or understanding. I will probably lose my temper on occasion but I will never forget the journey and struggle and absolute miracle that you are. I will be the best mom I can be. I will love and protect you all of your life and do my best to give you a solid foundation of faith, family, kindness and knowledge to make your mark on the world.
And while I have written this, my dream, my wish, for you I know that there is no safe place than holding you close to my heart until you come my way. On that day, I will gladly give my heart to you.

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