Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Happy Due Date Bumblebee

I wanted to let this day go by in a fog,
To not remember that today was the day my precious baby was supposed to join us.

A day that you never actually expect to be THE DAY
but when it is taken from you, you cling tight to the date

The date of hope
The date of longing
The date of pain
The date of tears.

While people are out celebrating,drinking, being merry and eating spicy food
I sit alone remembering a baby that never came to be.

My bumblebee.

And for added torture, there are two EDDs. May 5th based on Ovulation, and then May 11th based on that first ultrasound. I have to go through it all over again 6 days from now.

I have to sit here and mourn while my baby frolics in heaven. I should be happy that I got those few months of "knowing" something more than myself. I should see it as a gift that another soul touched me so briefly and brought such joy into our lives.

But today, I only feel the emptiness. My body and heart feels hollow and the tears track down my face. Nothing distracts me from imagining the joy that should have been ours, the joy that is floating with the angels. The joy that so briefly touched me and then passed me by.

Happy Due Date Bumblebee, whereever you are. Mommy Loves you.


  1. That is beautiful. I'm sure Katie is taking good care of Bumblebee.

  2. Oh sweetie, Baby Bee is with you always. Baby Bee won't be lost in that fog, though even if the fog gets thick and dark, Bee's light will shine through to you, because of you and your love.
    I hope that made some sense.

  3. I studied animal behavior in college and something neat about Bee's is they can always find their way home. It's awful that Bumblebee wasn't able to come home today, but someday... Someday you'll be together.

  4. Oh little Bumblebee, you are very loved and missed; we think of you often and will never forget you and the other babies that should have been. Hope you are having fun in heaven with my boys you would have been so close in age.

    K~take care (((HUGS)))

  5. I am dreading that day in September. ((((hugs)))) I am so sorry. Little bumblebee is missed and will never be forgotten

  6. Jessica (MsDreher123)May 6, 2010 at 3:18 PM

    Bumblebee will always be a part of you Krista. I'm so sorry for your pain, if I could I would take it away. love you