Let’s talk about Roller Coasters. My life has been one since this pregnancy began. Heck since BEFORE this pregnancy began when I was dealing with what I thought was just a cyst issue and a break in TTC. Day after day, week after week, I’ve had more disturbing/unsettling news. I haven’t had a break yet. I’m tired. I’m exhausted both physically and mentally. I try not to be a negative person. At least not for too long a period of time. I always try to turn things around and focus on the positive or chant “what will be will be.” I don’t want to bring other’s down because life goes on all around me and no matter how bad it gets, my life continues too and I have to fight until the day I die.
After my emotional crying jag this morning when the Dr. called with the new Beta numbers, I do what I do best. I research. (I really loved research in school and should have become some type of research analyst.) I posted to the bump board “PAL” and got some good information.
I Googled, I cried, I analyzed. This is what I’ve come up with: My HCG numbers are still well within the five week range (not the 4 week like its measuring but whatever). While my numbers were doubling every 48 hours, they still doubled every 64 hours (give or take) so its still within the 48-72 hour range though it has slowed down. According to some resources, once the HSG levels are over 1200 the doubling time slows and can still be acceptable from 72-96 hours at that point.
My Dr. is not too concerned as the sac looked really good and the numbers are still within an “acceptable rise.” Of course there is nothing to do but wait and they don’t feel that moving up the ultrasound will give us any more information than waiting will. So I have two and a half weeks to get through before I can find out more information. Two and a half weeks of pure hellish torture. I can’t be depressed for two more weeks. I’m not built that way. I have to throw myself into a billion projects. There are two cooking contests coming up, fall crops to be planted, a beach trip to plan for, a church group starting (even though right now I’m thoroughly disgusted with how its progressing) and maybe even some giveaways to do on this blog to distract me. I’m looking into that.
I have to focus on the positives: Sac looks good, it’s in the ute, the numbers are still doubling within an acceptable range even if they have slowed. It may be okay. I’m a neurotic worry wart. I know this. Embrace this and love me anyway. God has the power to make this okay. The only thing I can do is stay busy and pray. Even though I have soreness and cramps, I have only seen one teeny tiny spot of blood that was almost microscopic.
I’m sorry I’m so wishy washy and that I can’t keep my head on straight about this pregnancy. My plans for being calm and enjoying every minute went out the window when the Dr. said he was worried about ectopic. I don’t think I’ve quite put myself back on an even ground with all the other news that keeps coming my way. And of course I have nothing but to spill it to my friends and the interwebz to keep myself from going completely insane. Or more so than apparently I already am.
::stuffs a sock in the fat lady's mouth:: choke on that bitch.