Monday, August 30, 2010

Whiney Poor Pitiful Me Monday

I’m hoping it’s just the Monday blues but I’m back to being a doubting Debbie. I woke up this morning with full intention of having a good day. I dressed the part, took time to curl my hair and ran out the door only a few minutes behind schedule. Then nothing.

My car wouldn’t start. No clicking, no groaning, nothing. Silence. Completely dead. So I saw one neighbor’s car still there, and I trotted across the just cut dewey grass to knock on their door. They didn’t answer. Their dog didn’t even bark so I have no idea where they were. I do know, I was now, not getting to work, my sandals and feet were caked in wet cut grass, my pants were wet and I had ripped my hem.

I finally got hold of my husband who graciously said I’ll be home in 10 to jump it, so there I sat dejected on the front porch steps waiting while the humidity made my hair frizz and sweat started rolling down my face. TWENTY-FIVE minutes later he rolled in. He was loading his work truck for the day to go out on a job site and so he finished and just drove the work truck by the house on his way so it wouldn’t delay him any. I can’t blame him for that, I would have done the same thing in his situation.

My car fired right up as soon as he connected them. So off I went to Auto Zone for a new battery. I wasn’t even that upset with my car. It’s a good car. That battery has lasted for 8 years and the car had warned me on occasion with the battery light showing that it was getting time to get a new one. Seriously, 8 years and 85,000 miles later, I need a new battery. Big whoop. It was just inconvenient to have to do it first thing on a Monday morning and be an hour late to work!

I did make it though. Wet grassy shoes, ripped hem, frizzy hair and all. Whew. Maybe the worst of today is over. Well, no. Then I get to check my bank account and realize thanks to a $100.00 battery that was not planned into the budget, a labor day weekend trip and eating out twice because of a hectic schedule that was not planned either, we are going to be short this pay period and have to dip slightly into savings rather than contributing to it.

Okay. So now I’m at work, with an achy upset stomach, my pants are not only ripped and wet but they are falling off my butt because my bloat went away. I’m feeling very discouraged and NOT pregnant. That fear is creeping in and its two weeks till my next appt. This week marks the week (in the timeline) that I found out we had miscarried. I never made it past this mark. So even though my baby had a heartbeat measuring past when we lost the other one, this is still a milestone for us. I won’t even know if we made it past the milestone for two more weeks!

My mom told me to call the Dr. but what am I supposed to say? “I know you are busy and trying to fit everything in before labor day but I would really like a sonogram because I don’t feel pregnant?...No I’ve had no pain, or bleeding but my cat’s not being as snuggly over the weekend and my m/s is practically non existent now.” Yea, that will go over well, I’m sure. I still have heartburn and gas. I’m still pretty exhausted though I’m getting bursts of energy where I clean like crazy. (During one of those yesterday, I did four loads of laundry, two loads of dishes, cooked dinner, vacuumed and cleaned the kitchen.) I’m just back to “not feeling it.” I know, if it weren’t for morning sickness, I probably wouldn’t even know I was at this stage of the game. I’m thankful I haven’t gained weight (okay, two pounds) and the bloat is gone so my pants are back to falling off but I wish I could find some sign of pregnancy that would reassure me on days like today. Is that too much to ask for?


  1. Try not to get too down on yourself. I think we're allowed these 'oh poor me' moments every once and awhile. I hope that the rest of your week goes better! ::hugs::

  2. I understand why you are nervous and don't want to wait until your next appointment, but try not to worry too much. Stressing yourself won't do any good. I have a feeling that this little one is a fighter, and your next appointment in two weeks go great.