I wish for once, I could have complete good news when I visit the Dr. This is why I don’t ever want to go alone again because I always get some kind of negative news. This morning, I had an ultrasound. The good news is: the sac is in the uterus. No ectopic and there wasn’t as much fluid. Unfortunately, we couldn’t just leave it there. No, we had to measure the sac and tell me it was 4 weeks 6 days. Well NO I had an ultrasound at that point in my pregnancy and they couldn’t even FIND the sac which is why I came back today…at 5 weeks 5days. So now you are telling me this baby is measuring a week behind already. And all I can think of is: “Exactly like bumblebee.”
Looking back I always felt I should have known bumblebee wouldn’t make it because he was measuring behind from the get go. But I didn’t let it worry me. Now with this one it has been one worry after another. I’m trying so hard to enjoy being pregnant because of that deep fear that it won’t last, but how can I help it when I am constantly getting news like this?
I feel numb and broken. Everyone keeps saying: “it’s great news, don’t worry!” but all I want to do is cry because I have such a sick feeling in my gut. So I’m pretending to everyone that I’m fine and I’m not worried when all I want to do is throw up.