Monday, August 2, 2010

It's never simple or easy is it?

I wish for once, I could have complete good news when I visit the Dr. This is why I don’t ever want to go alone again because I always get some kind of negative news. This morning, I had an ultrasound. The good news is: the sac is in the uterus. No ectopic and there wasn’t as much fluid. Unfortunately, we couldn’t just leave it there. No, we had to measure the sac and tell me it was 4 weeks 6 days. Well NO I had an ultrasound at that point in my pregnancy and they couldn’t even FIND the sac which is why I came back today…at 5 weeks 5days. So now you are telling me this baby is measuring a week behind already. And all I can think of is: “Exactly like bumblebee.”

Looking back I always felt I should have known bumblebee wouldn’t make it because he was measuring behind from the get go. But I didn’t let it worry me. Now with this one it has been one worry after another. I’m trying so hard to enjoy being pregnant because of that deep fear that it won’t last, but how can I help it when I am constantly getting news like this?

I feel numb and broken. Everyone keeps saying: “it’s great news, don’t worry!” but all I want to do is cry because I have such a sick feeling in my gut. So I’m pretending to everyone that I’m fine and I’m not worried when all I want to do is throw up.


  1. I am just stressed for you reading this and can't imagine what you are going through, though I do think we are both thinking the same thoughts: that we are going to lose this baby too. Those thoughts are going to plague us for the rest of all of our pregnancies, but to add on top of your stress this measurement is just unfortunate. How can you not compare them. I just want you to know that you and this new little one are in my prayers. I can't help but wonder were you just behind on the first u/s and therefore are still behind, therefore not making your babies growth behind, but your due date off. I hope that makes sense.

  2. I'm so sorry, Krista. I want desperately for you to just catch a break for once. I'm wishing and hoping and praying that this really turns out to be 'nothing'.

    Big time hugs to you and the babe.

  3. I love you. That's all I can really say. I understand the fear, and I don't think there's anything we can do but wait and see. I hope with my entire being that this baby is okay, and that the worry is for nothing.

  4. I ditto everything Jeanna said. And add my unending love and hopeful optimism for this babe.