Change is in the Wind (long)

Change is inevitable. What we want to change rarely does and what we fear comes to pass. As I am on the brink of changing cycles, the world is changing too fast around me. I’m wholly centered within myself (in the area of my ute) on this lifechanging undertaking of future children and family and at the end of a cycle when I come up for air and take the time to assess, I find the world is falling apart.
UTE News: We are doing another cycle of Clomid and Met. Dr. was very impressed with my cycle chart for this cycle and wants us to do exactly that this month. So here goes. The end. (My LP is longer this time as well).
I will not pull a Dooce and become political in my baby blog, but needless to say I am not at all happy with the current administrative shenanigans and the economical path we continue to go down as a nation. Enough said.
The latest news on J is that he is happily ensconced living between my IL’s house and My BIL’s house but BIL is being fairly responsible with him and keeping him with him quite a bit. The investigation and subsequent custody case is still ongoing. BIL will not sign him over to anyone should he get all rights to the child. He wants her to see him every other weekend so he can collect child support FROM HER. Whatever. ::walks away from thinking about situation further at this point:: I can not afford the stress and heartbreak right now so I will let the situation do what it is going to do, since I have no choice over the matter at this point.
In further news, I am considering expanding my furry family. I know, I know, I just talked about downsizing our responsibilities and putting our horses up for sale, but this is a very unique situation that involves MORE CHANGE beyond the furbaby kind. Our other set of Best Friends that we hang out with on a constant basis have decided to split up. Their situation has been on a death spiral and we had just recently come to the decision to distance ourselves from them because their fights had started spilling over into our hang out times. Pretenses of civility were gone and we were being uncomfortable witness to the drama. I was even put into the position of discussing ramifications of decisions with their 12 yo daughter on Sunday. AWKWARD. We all knew it was coming and it is probably for the best but it leaves behind a mess of a broken family. Children fortunately are not involved as the son is his, the daughter is hers, and they have no children together. But they do share ownership of a Kennel including 10 pure blood dogs: 3 Boxers, 1 Cain Corso (Italian Masstiff) and 5 Doxie’s including a shared ownership of MY DOXIE. Her name is on the papers for my Doxie. Brief history: He was a co-owner deal with a friend of hers, when he was a year old she found out that her friend was going through marital trauma and had confined Cody to a 10x10 dog lot with large boxers where he was not getting food, had been injured and was dying from starvation. She “repossessed” him so to speak and asked us to foster him until she found a home. We did, nursed him back to health and she begged us to keep him for free (He’s a 500.00 dog and has excellent bloodlines) because she knew he was happy and had come such a long way from his nervous, shy, beaten down self to the happy, loving, joyful, playful dog he is today. We never did anything with the papers though.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve: BEFORE we got Cody, I always threatened to take her dog Scarlett (who looks IDENTICAL to Cody) because I loved her so much. Out of all the people that visited her house, Scarlett loved me the best and even preferred me over A (her owner). A always said when she retired Scarlett or should anything happen to her, she wanted Scarlett to go to me. Christmas Eve came and Scarlett went into labor with her 3rd and final litter of puppies (Cody was the father and we had a waiting list a mile long for the puppies). Complications arose (large breach puppy got lodged) and I got a call at midnight from A that she was at the emergency vet and they would not operate until she paid cash up front. She was severely short because she had just finished Christmas shopping and could only get so much out of the ATM at a time anyway per bank rules. Stephen and I didn’t think twice, we jumped in the car and drove home from the mountains at lightening speed to arrive at the vet. A was a complete mess because the vet was going to put her down since she didn’t have the money. A very bad conversation ensued between me and the vet. I was irate. Stephen and I did not think twice and plunked the money down (basically shoved it in the bitches face) and told her to get her ass back there and save that dog. I sat in that waiting room for three hours with A until Scarlett was saved. We lost all the puppies but Scarlett was alive. I never regretted that decision because even though it delayed us fixing DH’s car by four months, we saved a life. The next week, A lost her job. They still owe us $360.00.
Fast Forward to Now: A just texted me that they are splitting up: Do I want Scarlett? If I don’t take her, she will adopt her out to a pet home at a stranger’s house. My heart is breaking. We aren’t ready for a third dog. My Alpha female is 12yo and I feel bad bringing in another dog to take her attention in her last few years. But this is SCARLETT (who is not Alpha in any way shape or form). This is my heart and Cody’s best girlfriend. They love each other. This is the dog that hangs out with me at A’s house and comes to my house to visit and is always excited to see me. This is the dog I stayed in the hospital crying for to make sure she lived, and plunked down more money then the dog is worth to save her. This is SCARLETT, the dog I was planning on getting in 2-3 years anyway. She is already fixed, her shots are current and she weighs all of 9 lbs so its not like she eats much. I don’t know what to do. Steve and I will have to discuss it tonight but I’m confused on which way I want it to go..whether I want to be responsible and say I would love to have her, but we can’t, or if I want to push for her. It is SCARLETT. A is transferring Cody’s paperwork and vet records to my name now so that is no longer an issue. We would of course get Scarlett’s papers as well so we can continue to do Earth Dog trials with both of them.
I know it doesn’t seem like a big decision, but it is. I have two dogs, a cat and a bird in the house. The dynamics would change bringing in a female dog who is definitely a Diva. I’m sure everything would be fine after a few weeks of adapting routine etc. but it would be a change. What do I do?