It's another month and another failure. I know this. My chart suckage confirms this. My crampy ute and some of the worst PMS bloat I've ever had (or maybe I'm in denial over how much Amish Friendship bread I've actually eaten) confirm the suckage. I can not help but hold out the smallest flicker of hope until AF shows though.
When she does, it will be another slide into depression I'm sure. Yesterday, I had to walk away from the computer when I visited some boards etc and realized how far people were along...with their second baby. I remember when they had their first. Here I am, still struggling to get pregnant for once in my life in the face of toddlers and second pregnancies.
Cute conversations between DH and I are great for blog material but the underlying truth can not be ignored: Even he is questioning continuing with meds which leaves us where? Reviewing our insurance information it does not cover any Fertility Treatments or "unnatural conception including IVF etc.".
I keep coming back to that whole "Why am I being punished scenario." I'm questioning my faith, religion, EVERYTHING about my life. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt when I get that final confirmation that this is another cycle bust, I am going to be absolutely devastated. I can already feel the tide of despair lapping at my feet. With every temperature, the tide goes higher.
My love, you are only 6dpo. Your temps are not too horrible (I've seen worse on bfp charts). Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteEasy for me to say a month or two after my total meltdown, right?
I hope that you're pleasantly surprised this month. I won't give up wishing for you.