Thursday, November 18, 2010

Xena: Warrior Prinesses

I’ve come to the conclusion that only the strong are cursed with and survive IF. In an age of pure impatience when people feel abnormal and bitter when they haven’t conceived after 2 cycles of trying, it must mean those of us who continue to fight and have lasted for years in this process are miraculous in and of ourselves for our strength of character alone.

It takes strength, character, patience, hope and bravery to face Infertility. Some infertility cases are a lot easier to diagnose and treat; some are harder. None should be diminished. Even with the mildest of treatments, there are still consequences, emotional roller coasters, side effects etc.

I am fortunate in my own way, in that some of the simpler treatments worked for me. Clomid + Metformin + Preconcieve = Success. That was my miracle formula. It took a few months to get it right after several months of Charting, Dr.’s appts, and tests for the diagnosis to get to that point. Overall it took 2 years 6 months to conceive. Then we miscarried which brought a whole new set of emotions, fears, months of waiting while dealing with my emotional state. Then a Chemical Pregnancy and a few more months of waiting (on me.) Finally our miracle formula again for a few months and Success with HLB. Even the easier treatment (compared to shots, IUI, IVF etc, multiple meds etc) are not “easy.”

With each passing day, negative thoughts creep into your head. WHAT IF I can’t ever carry to term? WHAT IF I can’t conceive again? WHAT IS the next step? Etc. Etc. I did not have to continue on searching for answers and help. I can’t say for sure that this is the end all for me because I’m not yet holding my baby and I’ve been around long enough to know that things can happen late in the game but I choose not to think about that. I’ve made it this far and for me I’m hoping the worst is over (aside from that pesky C-section it looks like I’m going to HAVE TO HAVE thanks to a low-lying placenta).

For those that are still fighting this fight, it’s not over and even through my happiness and sometimes my silence, I worry with them, I pray for them, and I continue to hope for them. I continue to follow stories and medical practices to see what their Success formula will be. IF is a sisterhood, not a fun one like my Gamma Sigma Sigma girls, but a sisterhood none the less. The Loss Club is not one you ever want to be in but its there none the less as well. You can’t identify us by big letters across our chests or dainty pendants on a necklace. Sometimes, you can identify us by a simple pink and blue ribbon that we may wear or a red thread bracelet around our wrists or even a Baby’s foot Seashell necklace. We are out there, and we are (Army) strong and we are fighting a battle with our own bodies. Sometimes, we are an “Army of One” and sometimes we find each other to provide support.

It takes a strong woman to suffer through and conquer IF. We are not weak, we are not pitiful and we are not broken (as much as we think we are). I am continually amazed by women around me who have exhibited strength far beyond what I had to endure and continue to traverse this IF journey though their difficulties have been many. We are warriors, fighters, and the strongest for we can deal with what others would have trouble facing. We learn to stand proud and continue on the roughest roads. WE ARE the epitome of STRENGTH.


  1. I needed to hear this today. I didn't need to cry in my office, but I am, o'well.

    IF is awful and almost every aspect sucks in one way or another. One of the very few perks is I got to meet you, so I will forever be appreciative of this journey, no matter the outcome.

  2. Thank you for this. A lot of days I think I am very weak. xoxoxoxoxo

  3. Beautifully written and we will never forget the struggle and heartache of IF if we get to move into the "SAIF" club and I personally know that I will never stop praying for the women who are still struggling.

  4. I needed to see this today. Thank you :-)