Ruptured Cyst

Yes, you read the title right. The Clomid worked. It stimulated my ovaries (atleast the left one). After being subjected to a painful exam, a dildocam (THAT was a new experience!) and an external ultrasound that was very uncomfortable (pushing down caused pain), they concluded that while my ovary was trying to ovulate, one of the (large) cysts on it ruptured.

They are sure that I ovulated and released an egg though during that so maybe I had ovulation pain as well cyst pain. Who knows. I'm not sure if I believe I ovulated though. During the exam she used a small brush and pulled out a large portion of CM that was a textbook case of clear, slippery, and stretched for about 3 inches. I have NEVER seen my body produce such a miracle and to me, it was gorgeous and I was as giddy as a schoolgirl after seeing it. I have not seen a clear thermal shift nor crosshairs on my chart and all OPK's have been negative (line not digitals). Although looking at the nice upward momentum from the past four days, its making me wonder if possibly that is my shift. Take a gander if you please, link to the left.

The doctor thinks that if the egg is a good one that did not get "caught up" in the cyst explosion and debris (great so there is a war going on in my ute, no wonder it effin hurts), then our timing was great and it is a wait and see. We ofcourse should continue to have sex to cover our bases if I could stand the pain. I thought long and hard about it last night and as sore as I was, I just didn't think I had the strength to try, so we didn't. I have to believe that my husbands sperm will hold strong and get the job done as is this time around and hope that if we don't "catch" this month that NEXT month we will have more success with Clomid WITHOUT cysts bursting.

She made me a follow up appointment with my normal doctor for three weeks to give me time to start my period if it is going to happen.

I am so paranoid now. I'm giddy and excited, nervous and scared. It's more real and I am afraid to get my hopes up but I can't help doing so. I'm very afraid of the let down. I figured I could handle BFN's and letdowns after 2 years of defeat but now, I don't think it will be as easy as I once thought.

Dear Lord, Please let me accept easily the ways that come to pass and the path I am meant to follow. Let me accept your decisions as well as my own in all matters. Should you see fit to give us a child, I will accept it gratefully and care for it on your earth. Show me your will so that I may follow you faithfully in all things. Amen.