Monday, June 15, 2009

Stress Overload

I can feel it. The overwhelming black whole of despair that opens up like a yawnig chasm before me when I get overly stressed. I'm thinking about bills, the damn roof, the real estate closings, work here, meeting at DH's college about financial options (have I mentioned its going to cost us 80,000.00 for his degree?)etc.

He wants to go to school which will mean 3-4 nights a week after work. I will have all the household chores and animals and he still wants to go forward with baby. We are both in our early 30's at this point. Our money is tight as it is, I have fertility problems. The overwhelming stress on me is insane at this moment. I feel like I'm going to rupture into tears at any moment. The acid is creeping up wanting to break forth and spew in chuncks. It feels like ants under my skin rampaging through my body. My eyes are going blurry.

I can't seem to shut it down or compartmentalize. I've been living like this for the past year or more and nothing gets solved, nothing is taken off of me, just more keeps adding to me. My burden is too great and I think I'm going to crack soon. I've got to get out of here. I've got to get away or get something to change but I don't know where to turn. I absolutely have no one to help me figure this out.


  1. Oh Buckin, I'm sorry. I am familiar with this feeling. Have you talked to your DH? I know it is tough, but it sounds like something has got to give. Can DH's school wait (or be contingent on kick-ass financial aid)? Maybe you two can prioritize and give something up. I wish I could do more to help. Just try and remember that you can't do it all on your own. I'm happy to listen if you need it.

  2. He needs to hear this. It isn't fair to you to keep on piling everything on you. I know you want him to be happy and you want to do everything to make that happen, but don't forget about yourself in the process. You have to be happy too!

  3. Oh sweetie, I love you so much. I know you want him to be happy, but you can't do it all! Remember what you all have been trying to teach me? You need some serious YOU TIME in CA like tomorrow!