Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Good Babyless Days

After a terrible start to my morning, DH and I had a great evening. When I got home from work, we ofcourse talked over our days as usual. (DH and I do not email, text or talk on the phone during working hours AT ALL which makes for a great routine of sharing our days when we get home.) Then I did my work out (complete with yelling at the TV and complaining that I was going to die, while DH laughed at me.)

After that, I put dinner in the oven and trotted out to the pool where I swam laps waiting for DH to get back from the barn. He actually got in the pool with me, which is amazing as he rarely uses the pool with me unless we are having a party or something. He even helped me do laundry while I finished up dinner and we ate while watching Greek and went to bed early.

A VERY relaxing evening, that made me so happy. I have to admit, while I was swimming laps and getting smooched by my Doxie at each turn, I started to wonder if this made me happy. This freedom to swim when I want and how little I will be able to use the pool when there is a baby. I also had to examine whether I would be happy forever having fur babies and no sounds of baby coos. I don't know. I think if I HAVE to accept a childless future, I will have no choice but to try and find happiness in the activities such as that or I will go insane. I'm sure it would be easier to bear if I drank, but I'm not much of a drinker. The few years of having to center my activities around a small baby though can't compare with the years afterwards of excited childish laughter begging to go swimming.

There just really isn't a comparison and for a brief millasecond I may have thought, "Wow, this is peaceful, this childless life of mine" but then the pain crept in, the tears came up, and no amount of telling myself that, made up for what we are lacking. So yes, I can appreciate that yesterday was a great day for a babyless day but I can only imagine the good days WITH a baby will mean so much more.


  1. *hugs and love* through my tears. You will be the most amazing mommy in the world.

  2. I know exactly what you mean. However hard it may be I think it is important for us to appreciate those babyless days. Because one day, I'm certain of it, we won't have that luxury and we'll be able to look upon those memories fondly. Appreciate them while you have them (easier said than done, right?).

    I'm glad you had a relaxing night!