Saturday, May 9, 2009

Alert: Cleavage Sited

I pulled the most anti-feminist move today ever. I have an amazing set of boobs. Really, I do. I completely and knowingly used them to my advantage. I feel a little slutty now. I have been begging DH for months to take his car and have the diagnostic run to see why his check engine light was on. He hasn't. The inspection is out of date now and we have a lovely fine from the state.

I was with him when he took it to the local autozone a few months ago but the guy was a prick and wouldn't give him the part numbers so we couldn't have our friend get them for us at cost. I've insisted week after week he take it to a different one. They are supposed to give you the info. SOOOOOOOOOOOO...there is a different Autozone on the way to the pool store and I knew this, so I specifically wore the skankiest spaghetti strap tank top in my aresenol over the wrong colored push up bra. The girls' were OUT there to say the least. Throw in a little southern molasses in the voice, soften it up a bit and..

The poor bastard would not be able to identify me in a line up. He NEVER saw my face. I think he drooled a bit. I however, have my engine codes, the part numbers, their prices, the generic parts and instructions on how to make the generics work.

Yea. My boobs are that good. They are a menace to society and I willfully used them to my advantage and then smugly told DH about it who rolled his eyes at me. If the stupid things are not going to be used as God intended, then I surely will put them to use for something.

Dear Boobs, Since you are so good at getting your way, could you PUHLEASE have a conversation with my ute? You are the only thing that I currently like about my body because unlike other parts, you are quite useful.

I'm such a slore.

4 comments:

  1. Well played! Or, as we say at work:

    Plan your work, work your plan.

    Don't you just love it when every once in a while the damn things are worth more than just getting in the way ALL.THE.TIME, and getting (somewhat, depending on size) squished when you sleep on your stomach? :)

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  2. Behold the powers that are boobies!

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  3. Fantastic. Mine got me a free oil change once. And plenty of free drinks. Use em if you got em!

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  4. That is awesome. Boobs are a giant (varying size of giant of course..) PITA most days, so those moments they come in handy are NOT to be passed up. Well played my dear.

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