Back to Business

The Business of my Ute that is. I'm indecisive about taking more Clomid. This cycle has been hell on me to be frank. My chart is all over the place. My lack of sleep is driving me insane. I'm nervous, neurotic, moody and I want to kill someone. Anyone will do at the moment. I'm a very sexual person, and this month I can't stand my husband touching me. Everything is TOO sensitive to the point it hurts or is at minimum highly uncomfortable. Foreplay is completely out. IT SUCKS. I.do.not.like.it.at.ALL.

I had pretty much given up on this month. My chart was off and we weren't having sex, so I didn't see the point. I didn't use OPK's, not checking my cervix, I was done. Today I noticed my last few temps. It almost looks like I may have ovulated. I won't know for sure until I watch it for the next few days. I did not have any ovulation pain or cyst rupturing pain this time. So if I did ovulate, my right ovary may work painlessly.

The biggest problem is, the lack of sex which means, if I did ovulate, we missed it. DAMNIT. So either way you look at it, this was a wasted cycle. Bless DH's heart, he has been trying, and I've wanted NOTHING to do with it. He keeps asking me how we are supposed to have children if I won't let him touch me. I can tell he's getting frustrated with me. It's pretty bad when a man doesn't get excited by a BJ. "You can't get pregnant that way." Sigh.

I'm AFRAID to take the clomid next month. I'm afraid it will be worse since it will be a higher dose yet again. Plus I'm pretty sure based on last month that my left ovary does work. DH has also said, "We are having sex from the time you stop AF to the time you start AF again if it kills me." No darling, that much sex won't kill you, but I might if you keep coming near me with that thing.

I'm so confused by all of this. How my body feels versus natural tendencies. I'm not myself anymore. I'm this bitter, hateful, spastic, a-sexual person who wants to hide in a hole like a hermit crab. It's taking all my will power to work and be somewhat social. I dont' even like people anymore. This is not me. God help me, I think I need a psych eval.

PS. (while I'm complaining for the day) I'm fighting a migraine and my new PNV are making me nauseated. If this gets any more Fun I'll have to join the circus. *rolls eyes*