Insurance Melt Down

So what is the latest thing that has made my pathetic hormonal brain have a melt down? My insurance. Yesterday, I had a complete and utter, sobbing at my desk, panic stricken melt down. After phone calls to the hospital, my Dr.'s office, and my insurance company I could not argue my way out of an overbloated money sucking bill. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind paying for services but come on, $1200.00 for an HSG? Ridiculous.

I'm an idiot for not getting the latest and greatest insurance info as well. I thought I had read all the updates that came in but I should have known when the whole Insurance Card Catastrophe happend a few months ago that I was not receiving everything. It may be totally my fault that I had different figures in my head. I don't deny that. However, when I start getting higher deductibles, 60/40 pay outs, blah blah blah thrown at me, I freaked.

Melt Down insued. Preparing my mind that I was never going to have a child because I can't afford it without IF much less WITH IF, was like taking a knife to my chest. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, my head felt like it was literally going to explode. Somehow, miraculously, I made it through the work day. I just knew DH was going to have a shitfit over all of this.

When I told him, and he looked at me and said "So?" I was speechless. I started arguing all the money matter on why we couldn't do this despite all the reasons we have to do it now if we stand a chance at having a child. He was SO CALM and reminded me about AFLAC and the suplemental plan he chose etc. which makes the numbers come up better. I have requested all of the updated information so I can make sure the exact figures are right but until then DH doesn't want to stop. We looked at all this insurance stuff BEFORE PCOS and IF etc. I'm such an idiot for not looking again and readjusting the budget!

I don't want to be one of those people who ends up paying huge hospital bills and can't afford to pay it off immediately. I also want a child, and my PCOS and 31 yo body isn't going to cooperate forever (hell, it doesn't cooperate now). I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between common financial sense and natural desire/need.

::head in hands:: I don't know what to do. I thought I had it all figured it out but now I just don't know. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe its being taken out of my hands anyway. Look at my chart, as if I really have anything to worry about. The negative side of me says "You aren't going to ever get pregnant anyway, so why worry or bother?" The other side says "You will get pregnant and have a baby, you just may owe your right arm when its all said and done." Not exactly positive on that side either.