Thursday, February 18, 2010

I'm a Procrastinator, In Case You Didn't know

Most people have to be talked down from POAS too early. 7 dpo, if their chart looks good, they are itching to cock their leg on a pretty pink stick like a dog marking its territory.

This very feminine response is somehow absent from me. POAS scares the bajezus out of me. I haven't ever used that many in my lifetime. One or two when I first started trying but in the past 2 years? TWO. Both were positive within a day of each other. The second one was because I simply didn't believe the first one.

Last month I had to pee at the Dr.'s office before I had the lung scans just to make sure. The nurse and Dr. were so callous towards me anyway and their delivery of the news that it was negative hurt me deeply. They were so flippant about it, but these were the most rude, uncaring dr.'s I've ever come across in my lifetime. Seriously. I guess being a lung specialist doesn't require you to care about anyone. But I digress.

So despite the fact that I'm 16 dpo, I continue to put off buying a pregnancy test. TCOYF says that if you go 18 dpo above the cover line, you are pregnant. Well, no discredit to you, TCOYF, but I'm not buying it until I see a positive test even though that's EXACTLY what happened to my last BFP.

Why you ask? Because not only am I a procrastinator, but I'm also a pessimist. Let me count the reasons I am not pregnant:
1) I have no clue if we had sex remotely close to the right time (DH thinks we did).
2) We didn't use Preconcieve and I have sucktastic CM if any at all.
3) I've never ovulated on my own
4) My body hates me.
5) My temperatures are hovering, not really rising

But to be fair, I'll recount why I COULD be.
1) I had INSANE, unexplainable back pain around my kidneys for several days which is identical to what I felt with the first BFP.
2) I'm having more gas than normal (and this morning the gas bubbles are hovering in my back and it hurts like hell).
3) Stupid FF is showing a tentative ovulation.
4) My temperatures are hovering which again, is reminiscent of my BFP.

I'm scared. I'm scared of seeing a negative after this hope. I'm scared of seeing a positive after what we went through last time. Therefore, I'm putting off POAS. If I put it off long enough, my head tells me AF will show up (but if miracle of miracles I AM PREGNANT, I know this isn't true.)


  1. Your chart looks pretty, if that's any consolation. I know it's not... but there's definitely a nice, clear thermal shift.
    I understand not wanting to take a pregnancy test... if you don't want to take one now, don't. I guess after a while you will have to though, if your temps don't drop. I'm crossing my fingers that they just go up.
    I really hope this is it for you... that would be freaking wonderful! Good luck :::::big hugs:::::

  2. Aw, honey. I'm so sorry this is so hard for you. It should be a happy end exciting time. I love you and you know you can text me anytime of the morning. Also, at eleventy-billion dpo, you probably don't need FMU. Just sayin'.

  3. I'm going to give a big fat ditto to everything Rachel said.